News Article

Video: A Young Person Plays Super Metroid

Posted by Rory Cocker

Y CAN'T METROID CRAWL

I've been playing a videogame called Super Metroid Primes this week. It is not very good.

When I saw that Dave had given the game a perfect score in his review last week, I was very excited to try it out for myself, especially considering that it was only 30p (or 30 cents, if you're on that side of the pond) on the Wii U eShop. After downloading it, though, it became painfully obvious why it was so cheap.

This game is an absolute stinker. It is probably even worse than that Walking Dead game I played; at least that had sweary words and real guns in it, and not these rubbish laser-type things that Retry Studios have put in Mega Metroid Fusion Hunters.

I was so disappointed with this pitiful excuse of a game, I decided to do a video about it to educate the masses. I would like a refund from Nintendo and an explanation as to why they think it is perfectly acceptable to release a brand-new game with these graphics in 2013. 2013!

I would also like a personal apology from Dave Letcavage — if that is his real name. Who knows? He is clearly a deceptive little bugger and cannot be trusted.

I am going to have a lie down now because I am still seething with rage and hatred. I cannot believe that I have spent 30 pennies on this game. I could have bought some sweets with that. They should have called it...SUBPAR...Metroid. Well, obviously they shouldn't, because then nobody would have bought it, but it would have been a more accurate reflection upon the game's quality.

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User Comments (98)

SnackBox

#9

SnackBox said:

Is this guy for real? He sounds like he's in his 20s, and he's totally trolling

Jamouse

#13

Jamouse said:

It's embarrassing that some people here can't even comprehend basic satire.

SomeBitTripFan

#14

SomeBitTripFan said:

That was petty good. Seems to hit every problem with modern "gamers", from their general stupidity to their reliance on everything but the game being well made.

ThomasBW84Admin

#15

ThomasBW84 said:

@Peach64 Rory started work on this before Monday's article on the thread from NeoGaf, which I posted because it was a Holiday Monday and was humorous. As I've said before, I don't know why the business of video games has to be taken seriously all of the time, fun is allowed.

Of course comments are for opinions, but considering Rory's effort with this video (which for my money is really funny) I think it's unnecessary to dump all over it. If the joke's so old to you, there's no need to join in or watch the video, we've got plenty of other articles and forum discussions going on.

Araknie

#16

Araknie said:

This is intented also for Nintendo fanboys crying for graphics at every game.
But the major problem is what Microsoft calls hardcore, CoD player, that really are casuals.
They sound excactly like this.
I know this is a joke but when it's so realistic it hurts.

SkywardLink98

#17

SkywardLink98 said:

Hahahaha... "What's the point of having a woman if she doesn't take her clothes off at every opportunity" Played Other M, lol?

WiiLovePeace

#18

WiiLovePeace said:

That was quite funny :-) Some of the jokes were a bit off but overall its a good video. Nice work!

Lobster

#24

Lobster said:

"What is the point of having a woman in your game if she doesn't take her clothes off at every possible opportunity?"
o m g d e a d
Untitled

Seriously great article guys! Nice work!

Blue-Thunder

#26

Blue-Thunder said:

Something I used to find really funny years ago was; an ex-girlfriend who was useless at video games and when she was playing she would always blame the controller and say it wasn't working. I used to cry laughing, irrelevant I know but funny.

Ryo_Hazuki-san

#27

Ryo_Hazuki-san said:

wow this is what is wrong with todays gamers if its not a FPS it sucks lol so dad Anyway back to playing some metroid!

biglittlejake

#30

biglittlejake said:

Haha, funny. He has a point a lot of gamers nowadays think like him. I am surprised he hasn't got in big trouble about his ideology of women.

ThomasBW84Admin

#31

ThomasBW84 said:

@biglittlejake Bear in mind that Rory was satirising that there are some gamers with sexist views, his actual views are the opposite. It's all role-playing :)

Kifa

#36

Kifa said:

Good show! It is quite painful to read some Super Metroid Miiverse community posts, and it's good that somebody manages to get a laugh out of it and share it with us.

And to all who didn't get the joke here - y can't you crawl away? (Yes, that was bad, I apologise.)

Volmun

#38

Volmun said:

LOL the sad thing is thow iv seen ppl on MiiVerce that litrly dont get that thes games ARE OLD and thay genuinely think that thay are new games -_- Some ppl eh? lol cant even read the date at the start of a game — Good article thow made me lol

Whopper744

#39

Whopper744 said:

haha. This stuff is true. Many people have no idea how to handle Super Metroid.

oo...and I think @Cameron09 is begging to be banned up there. :P

rjejr

#42

rjejr said:

Enjoyable enough.

Though I also have the added benefit of everything being funnier w/ a UK* accent.

(*UK accent is about the lamest thing I've ever written, but I can't easily distinguish between British, Welsh, Scottish, Irish and all the rest and I didn't want to cause an international incident. Maybe I should have said "the Queens English" accent? Guess I need to work on my dialect perception.)

MadAdam81

#43

MadAdam81 said:

Not a very funny, clever or original joke. Better material can be found in those who believe in false stereotypes and try to make jokes about them... obviously would need to be based on the stereotype of people who work from a computer in their parents basement and are unable to get a face to face type job.

AJWolfTill

#49

AJWolfTill said:

Despite finding most of the things you were ridiculing to be painfully accurate Hans Zimmer and Trent Reznor are actually two of my biggest inspirations. Oh and Harmony of a Hunter was one of my fav albums of last year.

hcfwesker

#50

hcfwesker said:

"Other M ... best game in the series!" LOL! Entertaining video. Yeah, this guy was just having fun mocking other trolls and the current gen gamers.

mikeyman64

#51

mikeyman64 said:

Comparing it to the Walking Dead is the giveaway. Wasn't there a gaming site that recently rated it as one of the worst to come out? /snicker

Dreamcaster-X

#52

Dreamcaster-X said:

Awesome!!! It's so true though!! These kids grew up on tutorials & hand holding. The concept of just exploring a game world without direction just boggles their mind.

Number_6

#55

Number_6 said:

I got some chuckles. It was certainly funnier than the work I was supposed to be doing instead of watching this video. Now back to writing jokes for Jay Leno...

retro_player_22

#56

retro_player_22 said:

It's a joke article but it's true too. Young gamers nowadays don't know what a complete game is due to all the incomplete game releases and DLCs of today.

Gregor

#60

Gregor said:

@Whirlpool yeah the joke wasn't too great. And it doesn't sound as funny when it a Brit doing the voice because everyone knows that Britsh people sound 30% smarter than Americans.

PinkSpider

#64

PinkSpider said:

That was so funny and so true of young gamers on YouTube, the people that dont find this funny are the people that make these sorts of YouTube videos

Zup

#66

Zup said:

I had to watch that one twice it was so funny. I guess it's just a matter of opinion.

Xiao_Pai

#67

Xiao_Pai said:

You should have had a a little boy voice the video, would've been funnier. lol

Void

#68

Void said:

@PinkSpider I don't even have an account on youtube, and I didn't find this to be funny. (Although I didn't watch the video because someone used too much internet, and caused it to slow to a crawl.)

Bass_X0

#69

Bass_X0 said:

Satire is subject to quality too. There is good and bad satire. Just being satire does not exempt it from criticism.

Ezra

#71

Ezra said:

The talkative internet has spoken again, I see. Lots of people looking smugly at a lighthearted (and indeed entertaining) mockery video.
It's not necessary to preach about on every given opportunity. Just get by with a smile.

WiiUisBest

#73

WiiUisBest said:

Who ever the kid was needs to stop gaming..because he really is not right in the head..Get mental help and soon

fluggy

#74

fluggy said:

After 20 years playing this I just mastered the wall jump today. Used to stump me something awful!!!

Wamtu

#77

Wamtu said:

Y'know...this is kinda juvenile. And also kinda...I guess there isn't a word for it. "Agist."
"Ageist."
"Age-ist." Like...racist or sexist...only ages. The name says it all. "A young person plays Super Metroid." C'mon, you guys are stuck on this. It's just a video game. An OLD video game. Those things are actually pretty hard!

Sorry, it's just I've seen a lot of internet stupidity. Not being able to play Super Metroid is pretty mild.

Objection

#78

Objection said:

So here's my bit, intended to be constructive criticism. Article was, as many have said, lacking.
The video was decent and in its quips, is actually a good satire of modern gaming. Although I would suggest a more high-energy narration for something like this. This isn't the History Channel, nor was that the joke. You mimic ZERO PUNCTUATION's editing style but then are very lackluster in voice. A shame, as the script was well-written.

On a completely different note, it does amuse me that Super Metroid and the VC in general is pretty much Nintendo's "new games" for the Wii U since launch, so in some ways, the video is ironically accurate: we should be getting more than this in 2013.

sonik

#90

sonik said:

What a joker, a Young adult acting like a 10yr bashing the game like it WAS made in 2013. If it has a squiling Young kids voice it would be fun now its crap fake.

StarDust4Ever

#94

StarDust4Ever said:

Hilarious satire, bravo! :D :D :D

But also sad that it's true that there are really people out there who have no concept of what "retro" is... :P

Schprocket

#96

Schprocket said:

Satire - wasted on people who don't understand it as much as on those self-important types who think they know better... ;)

SetupDisk

#97

SetupDisk said:

I wonder if everyone who has typed the video was not funny could take the time to make one of their own. I would love to see their comedy gold.

Disma666

#98

Disma666 said:

Super Metroid is the best Metroid, In my opinion, Next to The Prime Trilogy, this guy is a fool, he said " I would like a refund from Nintendo and an explanation as to why they think it is perfectly acceptable to release a brand-new game with these graphics in 2013. 2013!" Super Metroid Is not a brand new game it was released in 1994, it was rereleased as a Wii U Virtual Console Trial.

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