Feature: Nintendo Characters Looking for Love
Posted by Philip J Reed
I'm Just a Teeny Little Super Guy!
It appears that many of my ship's parts have landed in this region. If I can just recover the parts of my radar, and a few phone numbers of pretty single ladies, I should be able to improve my chances of leaving this planet! Also, the atmosphere here is toxic to me and I am slowly suffocating as we speak. Still, that doesn't mean we can't have some fun!
Location: Mysterious Planet.
Hair: In a way.
Occupation: Hocotate Freight Shipmate.
I would like to meet: A woman that doesn't mind my tendency to dig up and collect old food and garbage in the hopes that somebody might want to buy it from me one day. In addition she can't ask me to get rid of my loyal hordes of vegetable monsters, as I'm not ready to be deflowered. Oh, and I'd like to meet a ship that won't bombard me with endless dialogue windows every time I complete a simple task. Really, ship, sometimes it's fun to figure things out on my own.
I like to play the following sports: Billiards. I see a lot of myself in the cue ball.
My exercise regime consists of: Standing around and commanding lesser creatures to perform physical labour for me.
My favourite music: "Listen to the Flower People" by Spinal Tap, "(Nothing But) Flowers" by Talking Heads, "It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I'm Finding Evidence That This Was Earth)" by R.E.M. and "Patience" by Guns N Roses, because I like the whistling. Also anything they play on the King Biscuit Flower Hour.
My favourite movie: Planet of the Apes, Beneath the Planet of the Apes, Escape From the Planet of the Apes, Frantic Gardening on the Planet of the Apes.
My favourite TV show: Life with Louie, Hoarders, A.L.F., I'm Alien Partridge.
My dream is to: Go home to my family, so they stop spamming my email. Seriously, cool it... you're worse than that deposed Nigerian prince.
On a first date I'd like to: Have dinner, followed by a movie and then a romantic sprint away from the sunset so we can make it back to my ship before we're chewed apart by giant ladybugs. Hey wait, did I mention a family in that last question? Oh nuts, I'm married! ADMINS PLEASE DELETE THIS LISTING