Feature: Nintendo Characters Looking for Love
Posted by Philip J Reed
Come fly with me!
What can I really say about myself here, within this small profile? My story has been discussed and pondered for centuries, recorded and interpreted by such great and expressive minds as Hyginus, Ovid, Geoffrey Chaucer, Christopher Marlowe, William Shakespeare, John Milton and James Joyce. I've been painted, sculpted, represented and re-imagined more frequently than almost anybody else in human history, and mine is a remarkable and resonant tale of pride, over-ambition and hubris. Then again it's also an 8-bit Nintendo game with frustrating level design and shrill music, so I guess I should get off my high horse.
Location: Angel Land.
Eyes: Watching Gods.
Occupation: Royal Bodyguard.
I would like to meet: A woman who doesn't mind treating me like an angel. Also Edgar Allan Poe, since he wrote that great story about me and the pendulum.
I like to play the following sports: Cliff diving! I have to be really careful that I don't end up splattered across the rocks at the bottom, though. People really hate Pit stains.
My exercise regime consists of: Impersonating Samus Aran.
My favourite music: "Angel" by Shaggy, "Cupid, Draw Back Your Bow" by Sam Cooke, "Cupid, Reclaim the Three Sacred Treasures and Fight Some Eggplants" by Palutena.
My favourite movie: Robin Hood, Michael, Angels in the Outfield, The Man Who Fell to Earth Because He Couldn't Fly Far Enough To Reach That Platform.
My favourite TV show: Archer.
My dream is to: Fly through the air without being harassed by those nasty razor-beaked birds. In fact, just yesterday I was flying around, minding my own business, when I saw a baby one in a nest. His mother was right there, so I guess I should have known better, but I couldn't help swooping in for a better look. After all, how often do you see a baby Zaki, let alone a male? Anyway I got within about three feet of the nest before the mother attacked me! I barely made it away alive and I was really upset about it all night, but, ultimately, I realize that it's my own fault. After all, I flew too close to the son.
On a first date I'd like to: Take you out for a romantic flight across the full moon, while Maureen McGovern sings about whether or not I have E.S.P.