Feature: Nintendo Characters Looking for Love
Posted by Philip J Reed
Plumb the Depths of My Heart
Lonely Italian plumber seeking woman who will be the mama mia to my children. I'm looking for a girl who will stay in one place, or at least put up some kind of fight against the giant turtles and gorillas that kidnap her constantly. Must have big appetite and high tolerance for the smell of moustache wax.
Location: Mushroom Kingdom.
Ethnicity: Stereotypically Italian.
Hair: You won't see it, as I take double damage if I remove my cap.
Eyes: Like a big pizza pie.
Occupation: Plumber, ostensibly.
I would like to meet: Like all gentlemen, I prefer blondes.
I like to play the following sports: golf, racing, tennis, soccer, baseball, basketball, boxing (as the referee), pinball (as the pinball), and absolutely every Olympic event. Despite all of this physical activity, though, I still look like Dom DeLuise. Go figure.
My exercise regime consists of: Stomping turtles to death, which sounds really bad when you say it out loud like that.
My favourite music: Frank Sinatra, The Three Tenors, the Goodfellas soundtrack, that song they sing during the spaghetti scene in Lady and The Tramp, Stomp.
My favourite movie: The Italian Plumbing Job, or maybe The Island of Dr. Mario.
My favourite TV show: Jersey Shore.
My dream is to: Pick vegetables with my three closest friends and throw them at giant frogs, and also if I die in that dream I'm really dead for some reason.
On a first date I'd like to: Take you stargazing, and reminisce about those times I didn't need a space-suit in order to survive in space, and those other times that I did.