Feature: Nintendo Characters Looking for Love
Posted by Philip J Reed
I choose YOU!
I am an adorable little mouse Pokémon that makes for a great pet until you try to give me a bath and are fatally electrocuted. I look sort of like what would happen if Garfield and Odie had a baby, which is probably something you'll be thinking about much longer than you really want to.
Eyes: Soulless and dead.
Occupation: Animal bred for blood sport.
I would like to meet: Sonic the Hedgehog! He's so fast and dreamy, and I'm sure that whatever hypothetical creature Sonic and I could come together to create would be really cool and not weird and creepy at all!
I like to play the following sports: Snooker, with red and white balls! And I have a gambling problem.
My exercise regime consists of: Screaming my name over and over while lightning rains down from the heavens.
My favourite music: "Big Poké Balls" by AC/DC Current.
My favourite movie: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I like what happens to the cat, and Clark's nickname!
My favourite TV show: The Electric Company, Twin Piks.
My dream is to: Operate my own traveling Laser Zeppelin show.
On a first date I'd like to: Trap you in the corner of an arena and cheaply spam you with lightning bolts until somebody else comes along and kills you with a fan.