News Article

Feature: Bizarre Emails Sent to Nintendo Life - Volume 4

Posted by James Newton

Merry Christmas, everyone

It's the most wonderful time of the year, and in the spirit of gift-giving we've got a sackful of incredible, baffling and downright idiotic emails, all sent to Nintendo Life (or our sister sites) throughout the past few months.

If you've missed a previous instalment in the series, consider them stocking fillers before the big present you're about to receive. We expect Nintendo 64 kid levels of excitement.

Bizarre Emails Sent to Nintendo LifeBizarre Emails Sent to Nintendo Life – Volume 2Bizarre Emails Sent to Nintendo Life – Volume 3

Do not send us intentionally stupid emails!

If you read this and think it'd be funny to send in your own submissions for the next issue: don't. It's not funny, it's not clever and we'll gladly ban anyone who wastes our time in the hope of a moment of fame.

As always, remember we do reply to the vast majority of these emails to point them in the right direction.

1. Stand back, mine owners!

Hey sorry the last message was on the wrong email this is the real one. we want you nintendo to take my friend and my ideas of a few games and an acssesory that will blow everyones mine. But since we dont now how to make them we want the best game comany there is nintendo our name is janngames. If you want to here them contact us back and well tell also we will do it for free we just want 2 3ds and games if it is the right price. We will enjoy working with nintendo thank you!!!!!!! (never now we might be good and end up working with you) ps: we love nintendo and the products

2. Send me things, I will sell them. This is business, yes?

this is an email introducing myself to you I am [name removed] a 27 year old up and coming sales and informing you of my future prospective business plans. I am going to be starting a new business, in electrical consumer products. In research studies i've have found that nintendo have a great range of products that could help me on to the business ladder, i was hoping you would consider assisting me on my journey. With this I would require you to send me a range of products from nintendo that i could use to promote my business and help me to place very large orders for nintendo products if you can i thank you so much for your generosity i hope to hear from you thank

yours sincerely

[Name, email, home address removed]

3. The next Miyamoto

Hi I've got a Mario game that has not been mentioned before, but I want 2 things in return. Please contact me as soon as possible.

Naturally we replied...

Ok I have an idea for a Mario game called Mario power coins and I want $500, special thanks at the credits, and two free copies for it.

From Filipi B. A.(Filipi Best Awesome)

4. Send us your bank details and we'll talk

My bank account has been debited with 3 payments of £9.00 which I have no knowledge of. Please could you look into this for me. My son owns a nintendo ds. My address is [address removed]. My telephone number is [number removed]. I am very concerned and await your call.Many Thanks.

5. Why, thank you

Good website! I look forward to finding more pleasure

6. This game would require some serious hardware

I have what I think is a good idea for a wii game. You will build things (toolbox, birdhouse, house etc) As you get better at building things you get better tools to fill your toolbox. (screwdriver to a power drill.) Please let me know what you think of the idea. Anyone I have told about my idea said that they would enjoy playing the game. Hope to hear from you soon.

7. If only you'd asked more nicely

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE x19028309128109182 get Diner Dash on the wiiware! I would be so happy!

8. Really?

can you start making more mario games on xbox 360 because most people use the 360 over the wii and ds

9. It's good to dream

Iam a boy which my dream of collecting 3ds games(all of the them)

Followed eight minutes later by...

Im a boy wishing to collect all games of 3ds(i cant find them)

10. We'll start the bidding at... £0

I own wiiulife.com and I'd like to sell it. I was wondering if Nintendo Life would be interested in purchasing it.

11. Mines blown!

So, you know that one pokémon in the Celestial Tower in pokémon Black and White? The psychic type called Elgyem? Well, stop for a minute and think about it. Break that word apart in three pieces and pronounce those pieces on their own. El-gy-em. El-gy-em. EL-GY-EM! L-G-M!!! "Little Green Men". As in the small space alien toys (which are called "LGMs") from Toy Story. Why? Because the Elgyems look like aliens what with their big green heads!!! Both the LGMs and the Elgyems are green alien-like creatures! It's a reference to TOY STORY!!!!!!!! I'm onto something BIG here!

12. Good day!

Good day! I the writer of Eugene Krymov, desire to publish my fairy tales, professionally translated from the Russian to the English! It is possible in your publishing house to publish its fairy tales?My telephone: [number removed]

13. Gametrialz is now no more

Gametrialz is revolutionizing the way we sell and buy on consoles and social media; members will be able to buy and download a console game through the developers facebook page. Then; you will be able to forward it to friends and if they buy; you and they will get points. If your friend bought 10 games; you will get one free. You can upload reviews, cheats and more to your and the developers facebook and twitter pages. Get points when you reach a level or beat the game. This will help you, small developers and even the large ones too. We seek a partnership with Nintendo, Sony, Microsoft, Apple, Twitter and Facebook.

14. Skype permission slip

It gives me great pleasure to tell you the 3DS has exceeded my expectations of preformance. In other words, it's awesome. The effects, by far, have been the the most impressive. As you have probably been asked for a MILLION times, I really would like to talk to you about skype. In my opinion, it would not only be great for us, but for YOU. You already contain us with these already wonderful features, why not add more? If you wanted to make your own version, exclusive for the 3DS, that would be okay, but really. With skype, it would be more of a reason to get, so that it would be welcome to more audiences, such as friends who have skype on other systems. Your own version would sort of mirror Apple's 'facetime'. All of that aside, it's your choice. Step up to the plate if you desire...

It has the mic, and the camera. Skype has already agreed. All YOU have to do is meet them halfway.

15. Where to start?

Hi, who can I talk to for suppling Atari2600 in New Zealand? I am a buyer for a retail chain in New Zealand, we have introduced a category into the business that we are chasing up retro gaming andthe like.

16. Try the local arcade

Looking to see how to get the sit down dead sea game [name and phone number removed] thank you

17. Public service announcement: we are not the Starlight Foundation

my name is [removed] i have a son and he has leukuemia cancer hes in treatment since three years ago.and right now he is still on treatment they sent me an aplication a year ago and until now i dont have no respond from you guys. My sons name is [removed] and he is six years old and i have alot of freinds that are in this foundation of this starlight and thet're in this foundation and my son is not when i send the aplication a year ago.so can you please answer me back why my son was not accepted when he has cancer. my freind is makeing me a favor to write this letter in english beacause i dont write or speak english so can you please respond in spanish.or call me at this number: [numbers removed].please respond back soon and thank you.

Note: We replied with contact information for Nintendo.

18. Who can choose?

i want your favorite part of the list.

19. She obviously hasn't read most of our taglines

I am Samantha. I noticed that your site http://www.nintendolife.com/ is quite amusing. I was just wondering maybe we could talk more about this.

Is it okay with you?

20. Short but sweet

Thegreat123

21. Karate Phants has quite good graphics

Could you please make more good graphiced animal games? I would love it if they were on WiiWare.....

22. A fan!

i love ur wii,a lot of games look so realistic,keep it up!:)

23. Not a fan

why cant u use new super mario bros Mii for the regular wii console? i have been DREAMING for this game to come out some day. why do u need that extra thing? it also will probably cost a fortune.

24. It's not easy

I am ting to find how to go over the brig

25. What info?

please email me this info so my dad can see it please

26. You make a good point... possibly

Kid Icarus been 20 long years waiting why they took so long last installment came out gameboy 1991. 1991-2012 are not same gameplay graphics are lot More detail now u can talked it's not easy for Nintendo remember in the past what will game look like 20 years later also alot think what will graphics look Like now. Maybe is why take long time

27. Free form Pokémon poetry

I want to talk about Pokemon's a missing type. All the world people and children want a name Light Type. Light type is angel pokemon and love. All the waiting is new type of almost 6 and 7 generation. But only Dark type it again. Why Nintendo will not have a light type. Why Game Freak hates light type and Nintendo will not hear all the people ask. It is strange only Dark type with no light type. Everyone says "You can not have more than one type of Dark without Light type". However, Game Freak is not as light type. I and the people are very hopeful the future will add light type.

Bonus Time!

As you know we also run websites for PlayStation Move reviews and Kinect reviews, not to mention YouTube accounts too, so feast your eyes on more bonkers missives.

28. Someone's been busy

how would we be able to be a test group on new games? we are a family of 9 and love the kinects games ages in ouir family are 48,47,26,24,22,20, 18, 16 and 13 so we offer a wide variety of reviews, please contact us if you consider us a test group [name, address and phone number removed]

29. You suck. Unban me?

Okay I personally think your reviews for Game Boy Virtual Console games suck. These are the reviews I don't agree with:

Alleyway (GB), Baseball (GB), Side Pocket (GB), Super Mario All-Stars: Anniversary Edition (Wii), The Sims 3 (3DS)

Seriously why do all those games have such low scores (except for SMAS). That's worse than half of the reviews I've seen on X-Play. Also why can't I access your website from my home internet connection and why was my several accounts banned from your website? I did nothing wrong to deserve anything like that and suggest you guys unblock me from your website.

And when we refused...

Then Im going to report you guys for false punishment and blocking me for no reasons. Have a nice day ****!

30. YES!

how about making a game of horseshoes

31. The trots

Great that Galopp Racer is available on PS3. However I wonder if it's any plans in making a horse racing game with trotting also? Trotting is very popluare in Norway, Sweden, Denmark, France, Italy, US, Canada and so on. I would love it if someone could make a trotting game :)

32. Never. Sorry.

When will your xbox kinectalk be ready for sell.

Merry Christmas from everyone at Nintendo Life!

More Stories

User Comments (76)

theblackdragonAdmin

#1

theblackdragon said:

lol horseshoes — do people really need another reason to throw their wiimotes at their TVs? D:

Yrreiht

#5

Yrreiht said:

"i want your favorite part of the list."
...... what list? xD
I love these :P

Link245

#6

Link245 said:

@theblackdragon I threw my Wii Remote at the TV once playing Wii Sports baseball. The strap broke and my then brand-new flat screen TV almost busted. The TV cabinet got a dent in it though.

Anyways, you guys need to just combine all you websites to "Gaming Life" or something so people will stop confusing you for Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft.

NX01Trekkie1992

#8

NX01Trekkie1992 said:

never, gets, old... /me is rolling around and laughing, I especially liked that idiot who essentially said 'you suck, unban me', and threatens to 'report you' for 'false punishment'... um... he said right there he had multiple accounts, Terms of Service violation right there, plus, who's he gonna report you guys to? lol tis the internet...

JakobG

#11

JakobG said:

I don't think it's obvious enough you guys aren't Nintendo.
How about adding a fixed disclaimer on every single page?

RaylaxStaff

#12

Raylax said:

"ages in ouir family are 48,47,26,24,22,20, 18, 16 and 13"

...How do they find time to play games between making babies and giving birth to them?

James

#14

James said:

@JakobG at the bottom of the page it says "This site is not affiliated with Nintendo" :)

Also, time for me to add the time-honoured section in the article, but just for kicks I'll put it here too.

DO NOT SEND US INTENTIONALLY STUPID EMAILS

We get enough dumb emails as it is without you thinking it's all funny and clever. It really isn't and if any of you send in an email in the hopes of featuring in the next issue then God help you.

Merry Christmas!

k8sMum

#18

k8sMum said:

these are really funny; thanks for the holiday present. and thank you for steering maria in the right direction; that was good of you. :-)

Radixxs

#19

Radixxs said:

I like how in #17 you remove the sender's name, only to reveal it in the note at the bottom. :P Also, the Pokemon poetry was superb, excellent points.

k8sMum

#22

k8sMum said:

one or 2 of them must have been responsible for 'all your base belong to us'.

baba_944

#24

baba_944 said:

@James how would people miss that? © 2011 Nintendo Life / Nlife Ltd
This site is not affilliated with Nintendo. It's on every page.

Kid_A

#25

Kid_A said:

"Worse than half the reviews I've seen on X-Play"
James, bro, you just gonna sit there and take that?

2-D

#28

2-D said:

nintendolife is a really cool guy and doesn't afraid of anything

Blaze

#29

Blaze said:

You should have a preset email so that you can reply to all these that says:

WE ARE NOT NINTENDO!!!

timp29

#31

timp29 said:

starlight foundation .... nintendolife

what is the connection?!? brain assplode!

Ras

#33

Ras said:

They did make a horseshoes game. For some reason, it was called Red Dead Redemption. I think you could lasso cows and do other stuff, but I just played horseshoes.

killer6370

#35

killer6370 said:

lol after reading this now i know what to give for christmas Free Brains for all ^^

and a Merry christmas

StarDust4Ever

#37

StarDust4Ever said:

"Also why can't I access your website from my home internet connection and why was my several accounts banned from your website?" .... "Then Im going to report you guys for false punishment and blocking me for no reasons."

Hmmmm... Multiple accounts? Maybe he deserved it! N-Life throws the Golden BanHammer once again! Too bad I'm not a mod; throwing around the Golden BanHammer sounds like fun, LOL... :O :D

You guys crack me up! ;)

Jfilesguy

#40

Jfilesguy said:

Da wIIz iz da berst system evear but i wanmt a game where u hav to win and not died!

Love them bizarre emails!
Now if only Strong Bad were here.

BulbasaurusRex

#44

BulbasaurusRex said:

You know, Toy Story was the hardly the first thing to use the "LGM" acronym. It's just as much a reference to the Roswell incident as it is to Toy Story. Actually, come to think of it, I don't think the Toy Story movies ever called those guys LGM's. They're only called LGM's in the spin-off cartoon, "The Adventures of Buzz Lightyear of Star Command."

NintenDude97

#45

NintenDude97 said:

Proof that we are NOT evolving into better life forms. :P
Actually wiiulife.com is real, but they only have 3 articles on their entire website.

TKOWL

#48

TKOWL said:

Meh, not as good as last year's. But still a good read nonetheless.

CerealKiller062

#49

CerealKiller062 said:

I love these articles. Always makes me feel less stupid when I write badly worded E-mails or messages. Made my day! Thanks you guys. :)

crazyj2312

#51

crazyj2312 said:

Wow people really email these? Incredible. I'll keep my ignorance/stupidity contained in the comment section thankyouverymuch.

Homer_Simpson

#52

Homer_Simpson said:

Totally agree with 31. Every speed a horse moves at needs its own game. Trotting, galloping, walking, trundling, etc. No exceptions.

kyuubikid213

#53

kyuubikid213 said:

More Mario games on Xbox 360? Umm...it doesn't work that way dude...otherwise, Halo could be on the Wii....

Sh00kst3r

#54

Sh00kst3r said:

We need more Xbox Mario, STAT! Man, I couldn't stop laughing at that whole banned dilemma... Haha, a very Merry Christmas to you too, NL!

BulbasaurusRex

#55

BulbasaurusRex said:

@56 If this is sarcasm, it works better as a shorter joke. If this isn't sarcasm, then you've ironically missed the entire point of this article (which is that Nintendo Life has no connection to Nintendo, so don't send them any game ideas or help requests).

KingMike

#56

KingMike said:

Sadly not as many funny/shocking emails in this one (I still remember the lady that was upset her doctor and her Wii weren't in agreement about a healthy body weight. O_o)

Mr_DSi

#58

Mr_DSi said:

Wait, so this ISN'T the official Nintendo site?!? What?! Haha but man these emails just keep getting better!

ToxieDogg

#59

ToxieDogg said:

Trollolol. :D

Oh, and Merry Xmas NintendoLife, and everybody else who posts here too...hope you all have a good one. :)

Nin-freak

#64

Nin-freak said:

I hope Nintendo Life realises that their special spot in the eShop a while back is why people are asking them to put more games on the eShop.
I feel sorry for all these sad, strange people :|

Contrary

#68

Contrary said:

The Elgyem theory is very cool. But what would Beeheyum, his evolution, stand for?

BulbasaurusRex

#72

BulbasaurusRex said:

@70 What do you mean? That family of 9 (or 2 parents + 7 kids) has at least two year gaps between each pair of kids.

eviLaTtenDant

#74

eviLaTtenDant said:

I wish I read this before Christmas, it would have put me In the mood

to annoy the heck out of some last minute shoppers. Oh well, maybe next year.

19's Samantha sounds like a spambot to me.

Jfilesguy wrote:

Now if only Strong Bad were here.

Agreed. :D

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