Whirlwound

Whirlwound

Critter • QI-tter • Go 8-Bitter

Comments 712

Re: Nintendo Direct: Mario Kart World: Every Announcement - How Would You Rate It?

Whirlwound

Gets a 7 from me, but that’s because I’ve already seen/played what was in it. Had there been stuff I hadn’t seen, I might have gone 8 or even 9.

Watching the boys’ discussion now I’m back from work, being a bit bummed about only there only being 30 tracks… we already know there are day and night looks; what if there are differences on each track between each time… and each direction? Would a course have noticeable differences if you’re going the other way down it? That comparatively measly 30 courses suddenly becomes a much meatier 120.

Other stuff I want to see down the line in updates:

• Custom Tours - it’s an open world, allegedly, so how about we pick our OWN routes?
• Follow The Leader - pick the first course, then whoever’s leading at each checkpoint gets to choose, OutRun-style, where the race goes next.

…and another one drilling down on my theory above…

• There And Back Again: Go through a full tour, then head back to where you started - either down the same course you’ve just done, or by any possible route. Time of day progresses as you go. If it’s a knockout tour, the number of racers knocked out is either halved to keep as many in as possible, or the knockout checkpoints alternate.

Re: Round Up: The First Impressions Of 'Drag x Drive' For Switch 2 Are In

Whirlwound

Had a shot today in London - it’s not terrible, just very slight for what it is. There’s not much to it, but what it does is okay. Targeting controls could be tightened up a bit, though I probably just need more than 30 seconds’ practice in mouse mode - and the stall mookette said you can roll them on your legs too.

“Oh, like Vic Reeves,” I says. “Who?” she replies. Jesus, I’m old. (Look up GIFs of Shooting Stars if you aren’t 20 yet.)

Only now, as I sit in Victoria train station McDonald’s waiting for my trip home, do I realise there’s something more than a bit cringe about rolling JoyCons on your legs for a game of [checks notes] WHEELCHAIR BASKETBALL…

Re: Talking Point: What Are You Playing This Weekend? (12th April)

Whirlwound

In about 12 hours I’m going to be playing Switch 2 games at the ExCeL, and I am beyond buzzed. Got my OG with me to test the theory that it hits different after seeing the new one.

I am also on a Nat.Ex that had better get to Woodall Services a bit sharpish, because I am in dire need of the loo. 💧

Re: UK Retailer GAME Is Selling Off Goods And Fixtures As Head Office Shuts Down

Whirlwound

This is how it all ends. Not with a bang, but a whimper - and a massive collective bird flipped at Mike Ashley.

My main memory of dealings with them was how I couldn't find the Wii version of NBA Jam anywhere - and when I did it was the inevitably sawn-off version at way more than the PS3/X360 versions. When I asked a spotty weekend GAME mook if they had it at the Eldon Square branch in Newcastle (next to Boots at the time), they went off on a totally unrelated rant about how Kinect was going to kill the Wii stone dead.

They'd already lost me as a customer with that, but I wasn't going to let that little herbert go, So: "Okay, hold up a second. I only asked if you had NBA Jam in stock for the Wii, and why it was £20 more than the other versions for less content. Not only is that sudden volley of totally irrelevant BS really unprofessional customer-facing retail staff conduct, you do NOT get to tell me what to think, what to play or what my tastes should be. Now I realise this may come as a shock to you, but you are not Julian Rignall, Jason Brookes or even Mr F&$#ing Biffo. Biøtch I'm 20 years older than you. I was gaming eight years before you were even born; I knew the Konami Code before your first cells even split. I've been at this sh1te since Pong and I will see the back of you. And besides, Kinect is a gimmick that attempted to bandwagon on the Wii's success. It will go the way of the EyeToy; at least PS3 Move tried to be its own thing." They haven't had a penny out of me since.

RIP GAME (Rust in Piss).

Re: Community: What Questions About Switch 2 Do You Still Have For Nintendo?

Whirlwound

  • If the JoyCon 2s don’t have Hall Effect sticks, how can you assure us they won’t develop drift like the originals?
  • A lot of us will be keeping our OG Switches once we get the new one. Will we be able to have them both designated as a primary console?
  • A lot of us have kids of a very sensitive age, who we really don’t want to be asking us what Hentai means when they trip over the word on the eShop. Or Ecchi. Or Oppai. Or why does that lady have six digits on each hand and two rows of teeth, daddy. As such, if you’re not going to moderate what makes it on the next iteration of the eShop yourselves, will you at least allow users to block things like undesirable keywords, or publishers that they don’t want to see (themselves or their children) due to a track record of dodgy content/AI slurry?
  • Yes, I’m going to touch on these bloody tariffs. Why should a tariff placed by Tango Bizarro’s comedically arbitrary elementary school-level maths on Japanese goods imported to the US affect what they cost elsewhere in the world, where said tariff is irrelevant? Just because The Count of Mostly Crisco (Note to Mods: Yes, I cleaned that up) wants to tank his economy in record time, why the actual blue arse should we pay for it in, say, the UK, Sweden, Egypt, Argentina, Singapore etc? Last I knew, there’s no beef between Japan and Heard Island. Penguins have as much right to buy a Switch 2 at a reasonable price as the rest of us… 🐧

Re: Standard Micro SD Cards Won't Work On Nintendo Switch 2

Whirlwound

We know the new unit has 256GB on board - but do we know what size the games are? How fast is that going to get gobbled up?

A quarter-tera still ain't a whole hog's hatful, not these days. I was onto a half-tera card on my OG Switch early on in year 2, and for everything else I've been known to rip through a 5TB portable hard drive in a little over a half a year. I don't so much have a stack of the things as a fleet.

Re: Introducing PLAYi - A Whole New Way To Not Play

Whirlwound

Still the best gaming April Fool was Andrew Braybrook's listing in ZZAP!64 during Mental Procreation, his diary on the production of Morpheus. He claimed it could double the clock speed of your C64. It required genuine investment of our time and effort as mid-teenagers.

After an hour and a half of typing it in and checking for mistakes, going to load a tape gave you the words "FOUND April Fool" when it picked up what was on it (with the April Fool bit in white as Hewson always did with their games).

Re: Poll: So, How Would You Rate The Nintendo Direct For March 2025?

Whirlwound

Okay to good for what I could pull from it, and a bit extra kudos because nobody was expecting it before yesterday - but there were also open goals that went begging, and still the big guns that would have made it an absolute Park-Knocker-Outer remained silent. (And only on MLB Opening Day too.)

NATURAL 20S

  • Prime 4. Had to be there, didn't disappoint, and I freaking love that swanky red/black powersuit - even if it looks like she's pulling for the Heat (Magic fan checking in).
  • Patapon - my PSP died long ago, so this is a welcome return
  • Everybody's Golf - best golf series since Leaderboard on the C64
  • Rhythm Heaven Groove - OH HECK IT YES

MEETS THE ARMOUR CLASS - BARELY

  • Gradius Origins - already got most of it in other packages, and Salamander III is interesting - but you're never telling me they couldn't have squeezed Gradius IV in there an'all. Also noticed the glaring slowdown is still present - a shocking oversight this far down the line, especially when I've seen SNES romhacks that get round it - and still no Parodius? Does Konami want us to emulate it or something?
  • Monument Valley 3 - I'll likely get it, but it's not going to be an essential Day One job. Probably blast through it anyway
  • Lou's Lagoon - not exactly hosed down with info on this one, but it might be worth a glance. Luzz a demo up and we'll see
  • Nintendo Today[!] - of course we'll get it, maybe they'll add a widget we can plonk in our stacks and homescreens to give our phones a bit colour without having to go looking for it, but let's be honest: we're all still coming to NL for the unvarnished opinions, aren't we. Plus, coming back from a crappy day at work dealing with various a-holes, bellends and self-entitled expletives, it is nice being told we're still lovely peeeeeeeeople

MISSED CHANCES

  • DQ 1+2 leadoff - knew about it
  • Shadow Labyrinth - ditto
  • Monument Valley 1+2 - ancient, completed them ages ago
  • Prime 4 being in the middle, instead of a leadoff or closer - told me they had nothing bigger to offer

NATURAL 1S

  • STILL no bloody Silksong
  • No Romancelvania
  • No Layton
  • No Parodius
  • No original Katamari
  • Nothing on Sonic Racing Crossworlds

Re: Talking Point: What Are You Playing This Weekend? (22nd March)

Whirlwound

I’m off out for a game of Papers Please. Inasmuch as I have finally completed the fetch quest to assemble all the bits needed to get a new passport for the Head-Spinner. I’m that old and warty, they don’t even bother cancelling the type I last had (black hardback), so it’s got to be a complete from-scratch application. Docs up the wazoo, including birth and adoption certificates - which my workplace lost 8 years ago.

Oh - and Rogue Waters.

Re: Balatro's New Free Update Features Crossovers With Assassin's Creed, Fallout, Civ And More

Whirlwound

I guess maybe LocalThunk is a Critter, then?

Given we’ve got Percy, Vex’ahlia & Scanlan from Vox Machina on Hearts, maybe…
Diamonds: Mighty Nein (Campaign 2) - double headers - Fjord/Jester, Beau/Yasha, Caleb/Essek (HOT BOIIIIIII)
Spades: Bell’s Hells (Campaign 3) - double-headers: Dorian/Orym, Imogen/Laudna, FCG/F.R.I.D.A.
Clubs: Crown Keepers (Exandria Unlimited) - double-headers: Dariax/Deni$e, Opal/Ted, Fearne/Fy’ra Rai

Re: Bonkers Metroidvania 'Rusty Rabbit' Now Has A Switch eShop Demo

Whirlwound

@Porky There's been a few that have gone that route. The recent remake of C64 classic Dropzone had blatantly AI-generated cover art - I honestly thought after all these years, System 3 knew better than to do that to Archer Maclean's legacy.

I’ve had a crack at the demo, it’s alright, just feels very… slow, laconic. Especially In the dialogue. Would benefit hugely from speed options.

Re: Retailer GAME Removes Insane Delivery Fees On Pokémon Cards After "Scalping" Allegations

Whirlwound

GAME is dying, but more slowly than it needs to. Fraser Group and its horrendously toxic figurehead Mike Ashley are killing it. Everything you need to know should be that a group formerly known for such powerhouse names as House of Fraser and Binns now have, as their flagship chain, Sports Freaking Direct. They don’t deserve your money.

There are far better options for getting decent offers on new games - even Currys do 25% off codes for new first-party Switch titles, and not so long ago I wouldn’t have given them the steam off my coffee (I couldn’t for one thing, the Dolce Gusto machine I got from them was DOA).

The last man standing, and I still can’t believe this is going to be the case, will be CEX.

Re: Nintendo Will "Likely" Price The Switch 2 At $399, Says Analyst

Whirlwound

That’s an amount I can deal with. If we’re looking at the usual NintenTax of stripping the $ and putting a £ in its place, that’s manageable. I can do that in a few instalments and still put dosh aside for Head-Spinner.

I can also clear out one of my lesser (still half-tera though) micro-SD cards for a spell too; I’ll not need a μ-SD Express just yet.

Re: Nintendo Is Discontinuing Gold Points, One Of The Switch's Best Incentives

Whirlwound

Yeah, this blows big time. I always tried to use my GP on stuff I could get down to so much and a penny. My bank has a thing where it rounds any card payment up to the nearest pound, and sends the difference to my savings account.

Might sound daft, but bit by bit over the past few years, Save The Change has gotten another £1,000 in there - which is going to be ridiculously handy for the Head-Spinner Trip.

Re: Sony Does What Nintendon't By Removing A Bunch Of 'eSlop' Titles

Whirlwound

Putting it out there again - better filtering and, yes, blocking options for the next eShop. Certain studios, publishers, keywords etc knocked on the bonce at the user’s behest. The very second someone busts out a keyword flak cannon, their ass is toast. That way it’s on the user to tailor their experience the way they see fit, not the provider.

This is exactly why I’ve ditched Facebook recently - there was such an insane pile of toxic BS, none of my friends’ content or any of my interests were making it to my feed; all I wound up doing was blocking stuff L, R & C.

Ultimately, it’s the question many gamer parents must dread coming from little Maisie and/or Johnny: “Daddy, what’s hentai?” That’s a conversation one hopefully never has to have, but if you do, it’s on your terms and at your time of choosing, not forced by some half-arsed farted-out AI/asset-flip slurry.

Sort out your s##t, Big N.