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Weirdness: Realistic Mario Probably Wouldn't Have Been As Successful As Super Mario

Posted by Damien McFerran

Head + block = ouch

In case the size-altering mushrooms and cartoon-like environments didn't make it obvious enough, Super Mario Bros. takes place in a world of fantasy. However, it's always fun to consider what Nintendo's most famous franchise could have been like if the company had decided to adopt a more realistic approach.

In this segment from The Pete Holmes Show, Mario and Luigi find that hitting solid blocks with your head isn't the best idea in the world. The results aren't pretty.

[via kotaku.com]

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User Comments (65)

Ony

#1

Ony said:

Funny but... Mario breaks blocs with his fists not his head :<

King47

#2

King47 said:

Mario hits them with his hand not his head though. (sorry for being that guy)

Dark-Link73

#6

Dark-Link73 said:

No game would be successful in a "realistic" approach. Can you imagine Pac-man? Ghosts walking through walls, Pac-man getting high from eating all those pills (you can't tell me they're Mentos), and him actually dying of an O.D. or from a heart attack from being scared of the ghosts.

Btw, I concur with my gaming colleagues: Mario punches the blocks.

LN3000

#7

LN3000 said:

Oh, hey.... By the way, in case you weren't aware by now..
Mario hits blocks with his fist, not his head.

ShadJV

#11

ShadJV said:

Everybody, stop arguing and listen: Mario punches the blocks!

But seriously, punching solid cubes of brick probably wouldn't be a good idea either, especially for an overweight Italian plumber...

dumedum

#12

dumedum said:

WAIT!!!!! HOLD IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think that Mario actually uses his fists, not his head.
Did anybody else notice that?

DamoAdmin

#16

Damo said:

But if he tried jumping up and punching a block, his fist would strike it, do nothing, and then his head would follow soon after (based on his jumping momentum).

I can't believe I'm having this conversation.

JtotheY

#18

JtotheY said:

If it would be realistic, how come there are brick blocks floating in the air..?

ToniK

#19

ToniK said:

I've kinda always thought he uses both his fist and his head. Never gave it a proper thought though before this. Funny vid nevertheless :D

Link-Hero

#21

Link-Hero said:

Really!? People still think he uses his head to break the blocks? Sigh...

Untitled

Besides, this joke is as old as the internet itself.

SkywardLink98

#23

SkywardLink98 said:

Like @Damo said, it's not like his fist would hit it and then his whole body would stop. He would keep going and hit his head.

Rocky2418

#28

Rocky2418 said:

Hmm... Surprised no one else even mentioned that a human also couldn't be able to jump vertically the equivalent of his own height; or twice his own height as regular Mario, as shown in the pic included by Link-Hero. Mario should never have even made it to the block. :-)

Rocky2418

#30

Rocky2418 said:

Oh, and BTW, I still thought the video was hilarious, even if inaccurate. "I heard-a da snap!"

sdelfin

#31

sdelfin said:

I enjoyed it. I like that The Pete Holmes Show uses video games and comics for their comedy bits. Street Fighter Red Tape has been fun when I've seen it an I've liked the Ex Men bits too, especially with Gambit.

Thats-what-shy

#35

Thats-what-shy said:

Hey, gang! I don't know if anyone has pointed this out yet, but Mario uses his fist, NOT HIS HEAD, to break-open blocks!! Duh!!! Stupid! Why's everyone so stupid?!?
Seeing as that I'm the only one clever enough to point out this critical error, it would stand to reason that I rule and you drool. So, suck it, Steve Holmes!! You're terrible at the internet and everyone here is waaaaaaaaaaaaay funnier than you. Your comedy is bad and you should feel bad!!

Anguspuss

#42

Anguspuss said:

What cracks me up is Super fearless mario is italian
Hell put the AC on & italians complain they will die of the cold.
A little draft arghhhhh we will die.

PS Im half Romania & they are the same. my friend will go running when its snowing & - degrees. But open the window when its 34 deg outside & the draft will kill them.

Goginho

#43

Goginho said:

But Mario breaks blocks with hi... aaah screw it -.- it's only been said like 40 times :P

SanderEvers

#44

SanderEvers said:

Guys..

I must really tell you something.
Mario uses his fists! Not his head!

It hasn't been said so.. yeah. No.

shaneoh

#53

shaneoh said:

He could be breaking with his head, for all we know his arm is passing behind the block. Also in games with the triple jump, it is possible to break blocks with Mario's head

iphys

#54

iphys said:

I thought it was funny. Sure, Super Mario can break the blocks with his fist because he's super, but Realistic Mario would never be able to, so he's either going to bust his hand or hurt his head.

KeatonTS

#55

KeatonTS said:

how many more people are going to post about the fist hitting the block instead of his head comment? It's obvious everyone know it already.

shaneoh

#56

shaneoh said:

@Jetset
Perhaps he IS hitting it with his head, but due to poor collision detection and the limited capabilities of the NES it just looks like he is punching it

Artwark

#57

Artwark said:

@Ony I know right? people are easily fooled that its the head that counts not the fists.........:/

StephenYap3

#58

StephenYap3 said:

I've seen plenty of funny Mario spoofs, but this...this, for some reason, was not funny to me.

DamoAdmin

#60

Damo said:

@grimbldoo Remind me to remember that next time I fall down a flight of stairs or get hit by a slow-moving car. As long I hold out my arm in front of me, it will prevent any damage, right?

(Again, can't believe I'm having this conversation with other human beings.)

grimbldoo

#63

grimbldoo said:

@Damo
Truly, I can't believe it either. Both of those scenarios are from very different angles and the intent and emotions are very different. I never said it would prevent damage, I'm pretty sure you would break your fist if you punched hard enough. However, because the intent is indeed to punch, the arm would have to be tense enough to not fold under the weight. You don't see boxers falling into sandbags because their elbows folded.
Note that I am assuming that this a real person with real person jumping power because we are discussing what it would be like if Mario was realistic, not just Mario's arms.

HopeNForever

#64

HopeNForever said:

I cannot believe that the people have been playing this game since 1985, and they still think that Mario uses his head to break blocks? What about all these official illustrations that clearly shows Mario using his fists? I know the following example is actually one of the newer illustrations, but I'm pretty sure there are similar and older examples people could reference.

Untitled

Moviefan2k4

#65

Moviefan2k4 said:

What made this so funny was Luigi's response about the gold coin: "Really?" SMACK! =) I laughed so hard...

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