Feature: Video Game Characters Looking for Love - 2014
Posted by Philip J Reed
King of Red Lions
Colour My World
About Me: Did I startle you? I suppose that is only natural. As wide as the world is, I am the only boat upon it who can speak the words of men. I am the King of Red Lions...but you can call me the Love Boat. I'm seeking somebody who can rescue this land from a great, creeping darkness, yes, but it would also be nice to take someone special to a sail-in movie sometime. I was actually once the King of Hyrule, but I've been feeling pretty low, lately...what with the fact that I'm trapped on the ocean floor and all. It gets pretty lonely, and I wish I didn't have to count on unconscious strangers for companionship, especially since that's what got that fellow Tingle locked up a while back. I do have one daughter, but she's going through an awkward phase where she can't remember anything and bosses around a bunch of pirates. When you have kids of your own I'm sure you'll understand.
Location: The Great Sea
Hair: Lots. I'll be your mane man.
Occupation: Absentee Monarch
I would like to meet: Anyone. At all. Sorry if I sound desperate, but I'm a human being trapped in a sealed castle at the bottom of the ocean and can only communicate through a ship's figurehead. Apart from running down piscine cartographers for sport, I don't exactly have much of a social life.
I like to play the following sports: I've got love for sail.
My exercise regime consists of: Wondering what's for dinner.
My favourite music: "Sail Away" by Enya, "I am a Boat" by The Lonely Greatfish Island, "You Can't Hide Your Lion Eyes" by The E-Gulls
My favourite movies: The Lion King, The Fisher King, The Fishing Boat King, The Life Aquatic With Daphnes Nohansen Zissou
My favourite TV shows: Fish Police, SeaQuest, Gilligan's Bathysphere
My dream is to: Sail around the world. jk, I do that like every day I want to meet someone I can have a conversation with, since without that the whole "only boat ever that can talk" thing feels kind of like a Twilight Zone punishment.
On a first date I'd like to: Take you on a romantic sail at sunset. The Great Sea is beautiful at night, as long as you know don't mind the occasional exploding barrel or octopus attack. I know the idea of dating a talking boat might sound strange to you, but if Joaquin Phoenix can fall in love with a cell phone then, really, this isn't so bad.