Feature: Video Game Characters Looking for Love - 2014
Posted by Philip J Reed
You and the Captain Make it Happen
About Me: This is an SOS distress call from the DSS Souleye. The crew is missing, due to dimensional interference. I am marooned and frightened, and I hope that none of my loyal, colour-coded crew members have been hurt by the spikes, killer stop signs, and auto-scrolling hellscapes that populate this mysterious dimension. I will not deviate from my urgent task of finding them, unless there's a trinket somewhere that I'll spend a few hours trying to figure out how to collect. I'm a good man, adventurous and brave, and I never shrink from a challenge...except for those user-created levels. Those are just garbage.
Location: Dimension VVVVVV
I would like to meet: The rest of my crew. Just thinking about them causes me to frown and make an adorable noise. They're lost somewhere in this dimension, and I won't rest until I find them all and accidentally lead them into spikes a bunch of times. I'm also looking for a woman who doesn't mind that I'm a pretty two-dimensional guy. I know that I lack depth and perspective, but on the bright side I run around naked everywhere, so that should save you some ironing.
I like to play the following sports: Hide and Seek, Follow the Leader, Grandmother's Footsteps.
My exercise regime consists of: Dying repeatedly because I keep accidentally brushing against basic geometric shapes.
My favourite music: Vivaldi, The Commodores, Alvin and the Chiptunes, "Dancing on the Ceiling" by Lionel Richie.
My favourite movies: The Naked and the Dead, Silent Running, Blue Men Can't Jump.
My favourite TV shows: Star Trek, Lost in Space, Doctor WWWho.
My dream is to: Meet the tiny, bald, identical nudist that I will spend the rest of my life with. That's likely to be a loooooong time since I never stay dead, so I want to choose wisely.
On a first date I'd like to: Turn your world upside down. Hey, some guys have it and some guys don't.