Feature: Video Game Characters Looking for Love - 2014
Posted by Philip J Reed
Sonic the Hedgehog
Put a Ring On It
About Me: See me? Now I'm over here! And now I'm behind you! That...doesn't really come across in text, but you get the idea. I'm one of gaming's most beloved icons, because I did some great things about 20 years ago. I'm lucky I'm a video game character and not an actor or musician, because I can only imagine what kind of degrading reality show I'd be banking on to give me a paycheck at this point. But things aren't so bad; I've still got my health, my speed, and my army of over fifty trillion supporting characters...three of which people actually like. I'm looking for a girl who can keep up, and won't make fun of me for driving a car even though I can clearly run much faster.
Location: Varying Quality Zone
Occupation: Fastest thing alive
I would like to meet: A human female that I could kiss on the mouth because everyone would think that's very romantic and not the least bit troubling at all.
I like to play the following sports: Spinball, Racing, Disappointing
My exercise regime consists of: Standing around for a long time waiting for tiny platforms to float into place so that I can very gently hop across them, which you'd think would kind of defeat the purpose of sending the World's Fastest Anything out on this mission but, hey, it gets me out of the house.
My favourite music: Michael Jackson, The Animals, The Spin Doctors, The Promise Ring...anything but whoever wrote that stupid "I Am the Eggman" song.
My favourite movies: The Fast and the Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious, The Fast and the Furious: Hydrocity Zone Drift, The Fast and the Furious 4: Episode One, which is the only part you can watch if you bought a Wii.
My favourite TV shows: Pretty much anything from 2005 and 2007. Those were the true golden years of television. In fact, I kind of like to pretend 2006 never happened.
My dream is to: Zap to the extreme.
On a first date I'd like to: Be redesigned over and over again until I'm finally something nobody likes. What do you mean that's a bad idea?