Feature: Video Game Characters Looking for Love - 2014
Posted by Philip J Reed
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About Me: Ho ho ho! Have you been a good little girl this year? If you have, you just might get a visit from old Dr. Light! You've probably already heard of me, what with all the times I almost destroyed the world with my carelessness. I guess all I can say is...whoops! I figured I'd give this dating site a shot, but I have to admit I don't have much time for a love life. I'm so busy that I rarely leave my lab, which is why I built a female robot that looks like an Asian teenager to keep me company. Why so few women return my calls after learning that fact is something I will never understand. Women! smh
Location: Light Labs
Hair: A great big bushy beard
I would like to meet: That wascally wabbit.
I like to play the following sports: Reindeer Games, Competitive Milk and Cookie Eating, Dashing Through the Snow
My exercise regime consists of: Building completely docile, peaceful robots, which for some reason are outfitted with bombs, flamethrowers and electric tridents. You know. For peace.
My favourite music: What's that? Music? Sorry, I can't hear very well over the sound OF ALL THE LIFE THAT I'VE SUCCESSFULLY SYNTHESIZED IN MY LAB.
My favourite movies: Robot and Frank, The Robotic Nightmare Before Christmas, It's a Wonderful Lifelike Killbot, Rudolph's Shiny New Gears
My favourite TV shows: Dexter, How It's Made, Maverick
My dream is to: Record a series of holographic messages that will guide a future hero through the global devastation of the Maverick Wars. Of course if I know so much about these coming conflicts you'd think I'd take steps to prevent it, or at least stop building the killer robots that will one day raze the Earth to a lifeless husk in the first place, but what can I say? I'm old and set in my ways.
On a first date I'd like to: Introduce you to my latest creation...Romance Man! He's my cuddliest, sweetest, most adorable robot master yet. It's hard to describe him without a picture, but if you imagine a giant tank covered in spinning razor blades that hops around the room spitting land mines everywhere and trying to crash into you, you'll get the idea.