Feature: Video Game Characters Looking for Love - 2014
Posted by Philip J Reed
Seeking My Jill Manwich
About Me: Ex-Army brat who has served in the Delta Force, STARS, and the BSAA, all of which drilled into me the valuable skills of looking pretty and wearing tight clothes. The guys I meet are either deadbeats or undead, so I figured I'd give this a shot. I was reluctant to try online dating at first, but then I realized that I spend 12 hours a day being pursued by drooling, brainless mutants anyway, so what's a few hours more?
Location: Raccoon City
Eyes: Up here, buddy.
Occupation: Master of Unlocking
I would like to meet: Somebody willing to accept me for what I am: alive.
I like to play the following sports: Mud Wrestling, Pillow Fighting, Shopping, Hair Pulling...amirite girls??
My exercise regime consists of: Carrying more things than the men, reciting stilted dialogue, stiffly spinning in circles while trying to shoot the zombie that's like right in front of me.
My favourite music: "Zombie" by The Cranberries, "Zomby Woof" by Frank Zappa, "She's Not There (She's In a Creepy Mansion Solving Oblique Environmental Puzzles)" by The Zombies
My favourite movies: Outbreak, Contagion, Live and Let Undie
My favourite TV shows: The Walking Dead, The A-Team starring Mr. T-Virus
My dream is to: Find a safer line of work. Swallowing chainsaws or something.
On a first date I'd like to: Joke about the fact that it's Valentine's Day, and my name is Valentine, and I don't have a valentine, because, man, that never gets old.