Feature: Video Game Characters Looking for Love - 2014
Posted by Philip J Reed
About Me: Yeah!! It's your old pal, Rayman! You know me, right? I'm the star of all those great games that you never buy, because you'd rather spend your money on Super Mario Trout Fishing. But I'm not jealous of that hairy meatball. After all, I ride a giant mosquito that spits lasers! What does Mario have? A pregnant dinosaur? Give me a break! And I've got asymmetrical gameplay. Remember that? It was supposed to be such a big thing, but I'm about the only one who bothered with it. Was that some kind of joke on me? Whatever. The fact is that I'm still single, probably because I'm constantly playing second fiddle to pudgy Italians and rabbit monsters with underpants on their heads. Boy, you know, the more I think about my life, the more depressed I get.
Location: Glade of Dreams
Occupation: Master of karate and friendship for everyone
I would like to meet: The fat Ghostbuster. Oh, and my siblings, Aimee and Michael. I haven't seen them since they left to get into show business.
I like to play the following sports: Kung Foot, Boxing, Chest Grabbing. (I should probably think of a better way to phrase that last one.)
My exercise regime consists of: Jungle running, Lum collecting, jumping from sinking ships to other platforms
My favourite music: "Kissing the Limbless" by The Shins, and "Tiny Bubbles" by Don Ho. I'm not a fan of The Smashing Pumpkins, but I do like the shirts that Billy Corgan wears.
My favourite movies: The Great Escape, A Farewell to Arms, Rayn Man, The Lumtouchables, Django Unlimbed
My favourite TV shows: I don't watch much TV, but I have to admit that I get pretty wrapped up in my favourite cooking show. I know it's silly to sit on my couch and watch somebody else prepare meals, but I can't get enough of it. I think it's because I really like the host of the show...I am definitely a Rachael Ray man.
My dream is to: Meet somebody who plays my games. I know they're out there...somewhere...
On a first date I'd like to: Do a whole bunch of awesome stuff that nobody will ever see or talk about. There is no justice, people.