CANOEberry

the original designers of the bubble cow never have to lift a finger again. They have left an indelible impact on the world, and it is in the shape of a Very Round Cow. It literally cannot get better than bubble cow. ... It's a pretty good happy medium between "actual cow" and "sphere with cow pattern that makes milk"

(For this one, at least, I and physics teachers everywhere thank you, Kate Gray.)

Are you ready to be moo-ved?

It was obvious from the subject matter and the sub-headline that this was going to be @KateGray's handiwork... and I was certain that the pun above was going to be deployed. I am well aware that she has channeled the "Dad joke" quite efficiently. But in reading the list and article, I wondered... was she actually sparing us an obvious and even more belaboured pun?

But this cow contains mooltitudes

Yes, of course. Like half-mad prophets speaking in tongues, Final Fantasy summoners, and the Canadian housing market, Kate's work crowds the many into spaces meant for the few. ... Which occasionally proves dangerous. But I don't know what to make of the fact that she didn't use the deadliest pun of them all - this list features Harvest Moon twice, and those titles only have two 'o's each! What can this mean?

This oversight (?) deprives us of countless worthy choices: the PS1 RPG Mooooon, Bloodstained Curse of the Mooooo, the Ori games (from Mooooon Studios), Atari's Mooooonar Lander (a loud Mooooo should play when you crash - again), Luigi's Mansion: Dark... you get the point. This gets overwhelming fast. And I haven't even mentioned the sacred cow... but maybe we shouldn't talk about Pokémon.

Honourable Moo-ntions

To this I have only one thing to say, Kate:

Booooooooooooo

This game needed more toothberries.

I have zero knowledge or factual basis for saying this, but here goes with the speculation:

Is it possible that Nintendo is delaying their usual February/winter direct so that MS can make their own very Nintendo-relevant and important announcement first? If MS is going to allow some of their signature games of the generation to come to other consoles, maybe NCL would like to talk up that fact in the Direct...

This "winter" has been disgustingly hot and practically snowless... so I'm tempted to do some shed work to prepare for the paddling/outdoor patio season, while decrying the evil that this non-winter represents.

I keep meaning to return to The Excavation of Hob's Barrow, which I began on a foggy night many weeks ago. It is excellent and well-paced both as narrative and game, but... perhaps the fog must return before it feels right again. I think I'm going to persist in my long search for my missing power bomb upgrades in Metroid Prime Remastered. Perhaps ending the Phazon threat on sweet Tallon IV will be a kind of sympathetic magic, for recalling the winter to this place. I strongly prefer Fusion to Prime for it's "post-game" (finding the last few items which are hidden to me), though Prime is the superior game in practically every respect - Fusion holds many surprises, whereas I've already drunk deep from Prime more than once...

You can use your black hole head to parry attacks, which deals massive amounts of damage

I read this in the voice of generic Sony executive presenting at awkward press conference, so clearly I'll have to pick this up on PlayStation. Sorry, NCL.

compilation of ROMs from handhelds systems where data is measured in megabytes

@RupeeClock You are correct, of course, but I've seen astounding amounts of bloat even in Hamster's Arcade Archives Releases. So yeah, I'm being pretty sarcastic, but I think Konami merits this kind of cynicism. As for Limited Run... well, better them than no physical copy, I suppose.

So does anyone else see that writing in the corner it's a t for teen rating for donkey Kong. LOL

@edgedino I'm under no illusions about that foul-smelling ape. Even so, I respect that DK is totally unafraid to bare his fur.

Humans, being far less furry, are... not as comfortable doing so. I mean, from their perspective, he's wearing nothing but a tie.

ETA: None of the above applies to Monsieur Alex Olney, of course.

Now taking bets on the date when we inevitably learn that physical copies will require a download. I can handle your Suikoden wagers as well.

@PepperMintRex @JohnnyMind Do you know by chance if those sales for Shiren are unusually good? I'm getting curious about that franchise.

I'm disappointed in the headline - outright clickbait. When a niche franchise like Shiren the Wanderer and mainstays like Mario Wonder and Momotaro Dentetsu are above it, I don't think the PS5 can really be dampening Apollo Justice that much.

im all in for godzilla invading different games. i now want a shrunken godzilla to play as in tekken 8.

@daftmagician GODZILLA IN F-ZERO 99

@dkxcalibur I like what you're saying here, but I wouldn't want to lay down a hard and fast rule like what you're proposing.

If companies are convinced that layoffs are absolutely necessary... so be it. I would accept that - provided that they were already paying the full social costs of hiring people in the first place. Especially given the profits these companies have been turning, year after year, while so many countries have been dealing with crisis after crisis, economic contraction, even war.

That means real, proper living wages for everyone. Paying for transit passes/commuting costs if you insist people need to work in the office. Mandatory overtime for crunch, even for salaried employees. Job security. Collective bargaining. Proper healthcare, especially in the USA. The works.

What I see now is that so many companies are freeloaders: they pass the social and financial costs of precarious employment, traffic, employee burnout, health care and caregiving on to... everyone else. While they skim the profits. As if that weren't enough, they constantly threaten to move their operations to low-wage, low-human rights jurisdictions if we don't give them even more.

If our societies demanded that they pay their fair share, if the playing field were level between employees and companies, then - yes, I'd say: go right ahead and engage in layoffs when it's easy and convenient for you. You can take the reputational damage and implication that you're bad managers. In that world, the employees - you know, the ones who actually make these games - would have the option of going elsewhere...

@Kayloo What should they do when multiple players have historic, career-defining seasons in the same year, though? Ohtani totally deserved to be the cover of '22, or even Machado, say, or Aaron Judge, who might show up in the next year or two. Why shouldn't someone colourful like Guerrero get his time in the sun?

Boo to the people saying that Guerrero should only be on the cover in Canada - this is what they mean by "East Coast bias", only it ain't just a Yankees/Red Sox thing...

@Kayloo Do you guys still light your river on fire when you win? Downtown Toronto traffic absolutely sucks, but that's because... there's actually a city there 🤣

@AlanaHagues On behalf of Expos fans, steel clamshelled domes that rotate open, and the people of Canada, I thank you. May you be showered in the finest poutine and peameal bacon.

@Ellie-Moo The one with the ESRB rating, correct. It seems like it will be widely available here in Canada come March, and cheaper than the PEGI versions that I can see in my casual search. No idea how hard it would be to ship to the UK, though.

I certainly hope this patch will be present on the forthcoming physical version. It gets exhausting to track which releases have and haven't done the right thing.

Oh. And in case you thought diversity calculator was my term.

@Poodlestargenerica I never, ever click links to Kotaku. Can you provide a quote or two from that article to enlighten us?

Unfortunate that the one nearest me is located in a jurisdiction with such inhumane and xenophobic laws. I'll take the hit and go to Japan or Europe instead.

FF VI doesn’t need a remake. It is already perfect.

@Gitface Serious question for you, black mage - how recently have you replayed it? The word nostalgia gets thrown around a lot in this hobby - too much - but I'm wondering if that's actually applicable here.

FF VI was far too easy, even compared to FF IV, to say nothing of earlier installments. The magicite grinding could be vastly improved upon, especially when you consider the open/largely optional structure of the World of Ruin. The dungeons are definitely not the match of earlier entries.

I could go on, but RPGs have advanced a fair bit since 1994. I hope people here will remember that the existence of a remake that you personally dislike does not mean that the original somehow disappears.

Kind of annoyed to read many of the comments here, but - I'll try to understand where people are coming from. I get the respect that people have for this game (I share it). I personally don't feel that Metroid 3 needs to be remade, for example, so I... sort of understand.

That being said - the Metroid narrative/world didn't stop with that title; have the themes and characters of FF VI ever been revisited? I for one am delighted that people inside Square Enix feel this way, and I don't think they should be discouraged from thinking about this. I think that world could very much stand a re-examination, especially given the times we're living in; and people here, with their reactionary hot takes, aren't considering one thing:

Kitase takes the idea of a FF VI remake very seriously if he is comparing it to the huge efforts made for FF VII.

I admit - one never knows which Square Enix will show up for a given project - the AI/NFT/money-grubbing one, or the quality-oriented one. Even so, I don't want to foreclose the possibilities here.

@Teksetter I'm truly sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family are able to take all the time that you need, Teksetter. I'm glad you are touching base with us, and I look forward to hearing/reading more from you whenever the spirit moves you. 💙💙💙💙💙

You're talking sense, @Tyranexx, as usual, but, uh... what is "chest DLC"? Given the way this thread has gone, I'm almost afraid to ask.

@-wc- Fair point. NCL is clearly lazy, cheap and uninspired for their failure to hire Michelangelo.

@Eggolor @Olliemar28 ROFL

This comment section is descending into "deranged AI" levels of incoherency and emotionalism. I think I finally might be understanding why people like to watch car/train wrecks.

Is five years a long time in AAA development these days?

Do people understand just what level of expectation exists around this game - and not just from the Metroid community?

Can this game aim to impress us even one iota less than Prime Remastered did? Do people think that real innovation in a well-developed genre like this emerges on a schedule, like frozen pizzas on an assembly line? Given the pedigree of the franchise and Retro's work on it in particular, does anyone think that this game can dare to simply aim for being an above-average, quality product?

Nintendo has evidently learned from its 2017/Bandai Namco mistake, and has seriously invested in staffing Retro Studios right up. I fully expect that this project is endeavouring to show the entire industry something new, and all on hardware that smartphone manufacturers turned up their noses at... before the pandemic. Even in the case of a Switch 2 exclusive.

Seriously. Some perspective, please.

@solarwolf07 @HalBailman I ISSUE FRIENDLY INVITATION TO RACE MY FELLOW NINTENDO LIFE PEOPLE. YOU ARRANGE, I ARRANGE, NO MATTER, I WILL COME

S50, HERE I COME

@EVIL-C Am I to understand that this person was trolling the Metroid fans?

This is gonna be my first Metroid Prime game.

@IceDomino Fellow Metroid fan, why would you not play Prime 1 Remastered? Tell us how we can support you in your journey toward éliteness and enlightenment, all through the visor of Samus Aran.

We, the Metroid community, stand ready to embrace you in the warm glow of a invulnerably Varia-suited lava bath. (... a good thing, I promise you)

@KateGray Much thankings for elaborating! That all makes sense. Your recommendation and reasonings come through clearly, in any case.

Is there a way for us to regularly read more of your stuff that doesn't involve Xwitter? For reasons I'm sure you can appreciate, I really, really really don't want to support that "service", even though I've missed out on quite a few good writers and knowledgeable folk still using it. I've absolutely refused to create an account of my own since the login wall came up...

@KateGray I must admit that I'm slightly confused* by this review. I found the criticisms quite useful and detailed, but the tone seemed to shift strongly at the end, leaving a review much more glowing than I would have anticipated from the bulk of the paragraphs. I'm guessing that you've had a long relationship with these games and are thus approaching them with a fresh eye, but I couldn't quite find the progression in your viewpoint here.

*Me being confused could always could be a me thing, of course. I'm not that smrt. Usually, though, when your words leave me slightly dizzy, I know it's because I've been personally targeted by them...

the two jokey Asinine Attorney episodes are still stuck on 3DS

@MirrorFate2 The USA has thoughtfully organized five interrelated and extremely asinine episodes for our viewing pleasure in the last few months. Recent highlights include one lawyer who fails to stand when addressing the judge and another who argues that his client is entitled to arrange assassinations without due fear of being brought before the legal system.

It's the greatest set of shows on Earth! Capcom doesn't stand a chance beside this free entertainment. And that's before you even consider the stakes!

@Greatluigi Thank you. All of those old DS releases, including DQ7, are worthy of another run. But we have yet to even receive DQ10, so...

Xbox has a better chance of being a "good publisher" for all platforms

Microsoft gave regulators a better chance of standing on their hind legs for once and being good policy-makers, but regulatory capture has gone too far now, it seems. I guess this latest failure by governments to stop blatantly monopolist behaviour just means we'll have to do it for them.

Given how MS and ActiBlizz have both excelled at sucking the soul out of most franchises and studios they've absorbed, though, I just have to smile. The ROI for MS' many buyouts versus the development costs for Nintendo or Sony franchises is comically poor. Unsurprisingly, monopolists make bad capitalists...

@Morsel I'm sorry to read about your situation, and I want to send my best wishes. I think Teksetter already said it best, but I find that caregivers and homemakers aren't properly appreciated in our civilization. I hope you and your mother can find the support you deserve, hard as it may be to find sometimes...

@Teksetter I just read your message now - I'm so sorry, Teksetter. I know there isn't anything I can say that will make you feel better right now... I'll keep you, your father and your family in my thoughts every day. I'm fervently hoping that you do have a supportive shoulder/ears to reach out to. Please remember, people do care, even if they don't always show it.

The food always looks so delicious in Vanillaware games.

@OldManHermit I'm thinking you might grow your own food in your hermitdom, which would be awesome, but - given the way we Canadians get hosed on groceries, the in-game food will have to suffice at the $80 asking price, considering some of us can't have both at the same time...

Wait, I think I’ve asked you this before. My apologies. 😅

On the topic, I would be nonplussed if it was HFR.

@TotalHenshin No harm done! Was it the EMMIs that you perhaps recognized, or these handsome devils? I'm assuming the Henshin you're referencing is that notorious manga, but feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

HFR would fit with the "Nintendo-like vibe" Cuphead and Ori embody, but I think an open mind/elastic expectations are a good idea here, definitely. I'm going to be non-plussed regardless, because I thought MS making these games more broadly available was a time-limited thing...

If I'd been asked to predict Metroid Dread's potential sales figures after playing it, I would have put it at 10mil, minimum.

@Lightsiyd It's worth remembering that the sales curves of Nintendo games have long "tails", i.e. healthy sales continue well past the release period/year. I don't believe Dread will reach your sales figure, but it won't remain at ~3 million, I'm sure.

I could talk about Metroid with you fellows all day. Fusion is PTSD material, but the mere premise of Dread still sets me afire. Lure Samus to that planet, cut off her means of escape, strand her at the bottom of the map, give her the most athletic controls (and appearance) of any 2D game I've played, lean heavily into the moody lighting far underground, the implacable Chozo enemy... my fur stands up on end. I think Sakamoto was right in trying to build up the character of Samus, because the audience really reveres her and that alone could draw people in (I haven't played Other M, but I'm aware of its reputation, so I can't say anything about that yet).

I really wonder what you'd think of Super Metroid...

For some reason, my brief time with Cult of the Lamb did not engage me. I won't claim I allowed the game sufficient time for me to perceive its depth, but with updates like this, I wonder if we have the classic indie game dilemma of "least publishable unit", or "get it out the door" disease. To wit, the complete game can't be published first because the studio might fold if they wait that long.

@Lightsiyd @Poodlestargenerica @NintendoByNature I often wonder if Metroid has yet to expand much beyond its core audience because of the series' difficulty and an unwillingness by devs (and fans - such as myself) to change its core structure. I understand that Hollow Knight has its difficult moments, but Metroid has reveled in a certain labyrinthine quality which I don't think any other series can boast. I think I'm just as perplexed as the rest of you by Metroid's failure to launch, but I think the franchise is alive and well, and headed in the right direction.

I don't parse rumours closely as a matter of policy, so let me ask:

Do we absolutely know for certain this is going to be a recent game, that actually appeared on Xbox? Or, for all we know, might they finally buy SEGAtlus and bloody localize Shin Megami Tensei 1 and 2 already?

they are stimulating enough to override interest in other activities if a child has no other outlets. If parents don’t take the time to diversify a child’s interests and activities, you’ll get kids who prefer to play video games all the time.

@Solomon_Rambling The wisdom of Solomon!

I absolutely hate it when people indulge ageism and prejudice by attacking the boomers, so I'm not going to paint in broad strokes here. I do find it rich, however, that it's mostly the generation who built out suburbia, cut public transit and believes we need to sacrifice the environment for economic growth that attacks our hobby. Like, where are kids supposed to go?

Games like Zelda and Dragon Quest only enhanced my desire to roam...

Like it or not, every stereotype is based in reality.

... and some of them are gamers themselves, of course.

I try not to let it bother me anymore. There's a severe lack of critical thinking in general out there - millions voted for Trump/Brexit, people are steeped in identity politics and narrow nationalism... stereotypes are hardly the most prominent example of intellectual laziness and weak-mindedness you'll find.

LONG ANECDOTE ALERT

On a five-day canoe trip this past summer, the subject of video games came up among the older folk (55+), with all the disapproval you'd expect. One of them sidled up to me to say, "I hear you still play with those things".

When I said yes, I got a smug smirk and condescension, until I reminded the fellow that I was the one who planned and scouted most of the trip. This person was perpetually complaining about the weather (in late August!) and holding up our attempts to find a site every night because he was so out of shape.

So he's huffing and puffing and carrying less gear than some of the women, complaining about the humidity all the while, as we're paddling toward the freaking southern arm of the Arctic Ocean. This is someone who spends about five minutes a day outside (the time it takes to waddle from air-conditioned office to car to air-conditioned house) and he's putting on airs with me. ... And the older folk still subsequently agreed that games were ruining things.

It's better not to engage these people.

Kamiya Hideki: Hello, my name is -

Employers: Blocked.