CANOEberry

This time the article subject was enough to tell me who wrote this.

@Mr_Fox It is only fair for me to point out another recent pair of headlines from Kate. And now, as we see above, she is referencing that bodily function....

I got home the other day and my wallet had left me a Dear John letter.

@GrailUK The gremlin in my coin purse is usually very shifty and quiet, but lately I've noticed him laughing at me in a way I found disturbingly familiar. I think it wants to enjoy my downfall.

I don't know about you, but at times like that, I wish I could roll with Samus and your fellow monkeys (like AiAi, maybe?) in one of those half-pipes. I'd just go back and forth, trying to boost myself into space. It might be futile, but it would be cheaper...

People tend to be happy upgrading their phones each year which cost over £1000

@BiscuitCrumbsInMyBed This is undeniably true. At the same time, the public should be aware of freaky people like me, with our quaint notions of money and value (not to mention our working vintage hardware like the NES, GameCube etc). Even more frighteningly, we are not a small contingent.

I only buy as many games as I do because I mean to actually play them, as opposed to rolling inside the hype hamster wheel, forever and forever. I have no intention of purchasing an upgrade to the current Switch (with its drifting Joy-Cons and Pro controllers), and I'll be sitting out the next generation, in part out of distaste for Nintendo's recent business practices.

People talk about breaking the cycle of calamity and rebirth in Zelda, or in life. We can at least get out of the "backlog cycle" log enough to appreciate the libraries we have.

I'm covered in fur, not money. Just how much disposable income do people think we have to throw at more hardware? Are we actually supposed to be buying (some of) the many, many games that are being released in this ongoing flood?

I know people want to wish a Switch Pro Big Boy Max Pass Swith Plus into existence, but Nintendo themselves have no reason to deviate from their business model, established now for a mere... few decades.

@Erigen Plot twist: the next console will actually resemble that building. Switch Pro? Hah! No, we're getting the Nintendo Waffle Iron!

Press A 15 times, and it will forgive you in all of its grace.

@Shambo Are you trying to inculcate us with a sense of penance and shame here? I'm not sure, you understand, that there's room for our two quasi-religious concepts in the same comment section today, given the apparent need to create a soothing atmosphere for Kate...

@KateGray I'm really not sure how I feel about this assigning of sexes to various buttons, but... uh... I think the best thing I and others can do is be supportive of your... perambulations, here.

Apologies if you actually have a favourite direction, but I'm not getting that far into the weeds with this.

At this point, I don't think you're in a position to judge me too harshly if I bring a little culture and Canadiana to this... discourse. I'm sure you're familiar with the medicine wheel and the four directions, but did you know that people can find their personal direction through meditation? Your words might have been more significant than you thought!

you're greeted by an uncomfortable warmth that often comes with gaming events

@Olliemar28 I'm not sure how to interpret this statement. Surely the consoles themselves aren't generating that much waste heat. Is this a comment about gamers being too friendly and approachable compared to the average Londoner? From my study of the culture, I understand that this can be frightening...

I feel complimented by Kate's description of "Scarfy".

I've always appreciated having binocular vision, but Scarfy's "demon" manifestation (REAL SMT GAME?) is a compelling argument for stylish cyclopeanism.

So, "Waaa it's not Chrono Trigger" basically?

@moodycat I don't think you actually read the article.

I actually want to compliment @Lowell Bell for deftly and thoroughly avoiding the trap of analyzing Cross on Trigger's merits. The review was actually pretty self-consistent and laid out the faults and good qualities relative to most other JRPGs, or ports of same.

I guess I'm used to your being moody... but not so indolent. Disappointing comment.

@SwitchVogel I enjoyed your review here, which was clear enough on almost every point to help me decide about this novel/game.

By definition, I suppose, this cannot be called a Real Shin Megami Tensei Game™, but I am compelled to ask nonetheless: does the narrative (if not the gameplay, or the challenge level) have that hardcore, unrelenting quality associated with the best Atlus-made games? Narrative éliteness is hard to define, I know, but your opinion would be welcome.

Plenty of time for us to practice our Insult Sword Fighting.

@ThomasBW84 Well, you know, I'd like to, but Eel watches my comments like a hawk... er, of the waters. Perhaps you could add "Insult Sword Fighting" to the TOS so that we won't fall afoul?

You know, I am not ashamed of having suffered yet another trouncing in Danmaku Unlimited this morning - Blankfield's excellent rock soundtrack makes the pain short and sharp.

OTOH, while watching the fourth video above, I had the distinct image of that drummer and Kirby mockingly slashing out the "Oroboros" theme in celebration of my defeat.

Perhaps I've been traumatized. Or perhaps this is all Kirby's fault.

@Shambo SOFTWARE WANTS 2 B FREE

(Edit: NOT TO MENTION ALL THOSE DIGITAL DEVILS)

@Zuljaras Thanks for posting that image. Those two NES games will test your patience, but are quite rewarding. "Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles"... yet another British cultural particularity 🤣

@KateGray You've received some worthy responses already, but here goes: have you played Gorogoa? It's a puzzle game with a "big" (well, an integrated) story told wordlessly, where you go at your own pace. Unless you find puzzles stressful, of course.

But what should be a routine procedure in the theatre turns into a bloodbath of Eli Roth-style proportions. We’ve smashed the poor patient’s ribcage open with a hammer and pulled their lungs right out their chest like fleshy luggage.

Hm, yes. This is indeed the sort of humour that the last few Resident Evil releases were missing. Although there is very little that can top all those lusty curses from Los Ganados, to say nothing of the truly avant-garde move of having Spanish zombies threaten Leon with Latin American accents.

we’ve popped in a nearby bottle of fizzy pop instead and casually flipped the rapidly perishing subject the bird with our gore-soaked fingers.

I don't understand anything anymore.

EDIT: Wait. Was that remark about insulting a dying patient actually a clever critique of the US health-care system?

I correctly guessed the author of this article based on the pun.

@Mr_Fox You know, living in this time, I worry constantly about my privacy and peace of mind. I don't need my habits to become fodder for some mega-corporate billionaire's database.

In the case of our dear staff writer, however... someone will be able to create a frighteningly accurate personality sim and voracious AI from her writings. The very concept makes me dizzy. I wonder if it will have a more evolved taste in music...

IN SUMMARY: punning references to bodily functions and features make Kate a pretty safe guess.

If there was a new mainline Mario or Donkey Kong game coming later this year, I'm fairly certain it would have already been announced by now.

@westman98 Do you really think so? I'm not quite sure, myself. Odyssey was announced that far in advance in part, I believe, to decisively turn the page on the Wii U and promote the Switch.

A "flagship" Mario game announced in June, or perhaps even Spring, would have sufficient lead time in terms of buzz. A Donkey Kong game announced in June for a Fall release would serve the same functions as Metroid Dread (pleasing core fans, while taking a crack at reinvigorating Nintendo's 2nd-tier franchises), and follows the same strategy of "short buzz window" that NCL seems to follow. Of course, if there's something I'm missing here, I would welcome your response.

Anyone who visits a French-Asian bakery "tous les jours" ("every day") without soon dying of hyperglycemia is indeed suspect...

This is the most impressive, albeit unimaginative, Mario Maker mod I've ever seen.

Seriously, though, doesn't NL have a policy about stories like this? They should only be published one day a year, I think (i.e. tomorrow).

@KateGray I read somewhere that you've managed to live here for a while, and yet have not become... experienced enough to form a skeptical opinion about misfurred bandits - Tanookis - filthy raccoons. That's actually kind of impressive, in a way, so I guess you should be allowed to form your own opinion. I am just going to say that combat between tanookis and "our" raccoons would probably end badly for the latter... and a tanooki that lost the battle would probably commit seppuku out of the deepest Japanese sense of honour. Ours would just nurse his wounds in a bin, between the discarded poutine and some bad samosas.

Warning for video above: KateGray makes yet another reference that required my personal recourse to Urban Dictionary.

... maybe I'm sheltered or something.

A bloodline or spirit, cursed to peddle wares to the spirit of the hero perhaps?

@RupeeClock I'm beginning to think that this eternal recurrence is a punishment, akin to the failure to attain nirvana. Think of your favourite characters (Link and Zelda aside) - do they ever appear more than once in the series?

Four of them...

Like the four blights unleashed by Ganon.

I always knew that the haircut was a primal evil, but I am glad that Aonuma and company have realized this too... albeit decades too late. Is this the force that attempts to revive Ganondorf in BOTW2?

Beedle must be destroyed.

@ThomasBW84 Mr. Editor, sir, would you consider holding a charitable event (for the Ukrainian refugees, say), one that only Nintendo Life could put together?

I will pay significant coin to watch Kate Gray, Alex Olney and Zion race each other in Dread Mode (Metroid). And I know I am not alone. This would definitely be an ESRB M/PEGI 18+ event, with hot mics on each participant. The British cursing, alone, will probably make the listener's fur stand on end, but it would all be for a good cause.

Please make this happen.

@KateGray ... you play Bloodborne?

... I think I'd like to read more about that. I mean, between all the reviews of stuff like The Garden Path or Chicory, and these "I am not a hacker" pieces claiming you do not have skills... you're not trying to have a secret laugh at our expense, are you?

By all means, do not veil your éliteness!

I sported a studded leather jacket and a pink mohawk, and went out to punk shows at the Big Bop at the corner of Queen and Bathurst

@OldManHermit I always thought your profile pic looked familiar! I was never brave enough to get off the Queen car at that stop. Maybe I'll see you at the soup kitchen on the northwest corner, when I work up the courage?

@OldManHermit @KateGray For the record, I must note that "Toronto Tanooki" is not a warm, pleasant reference, especially not today, with this site being coated in Kirby pink.

I haven't lived there in a while, but back then, we civilized residents were at the brink of open warfare with those raccoon villains. Aside from their concerted attempts to commandeer the transit system, there were the nightly binside battles in alleyways, and they terrorized the (admittedly weak-minded) mayor.

I once caught one of them calmly exiting the subway at Dupont Station - a likely haunt of theirs, with the nearby bandit-infested ravines and such. When I accused the misfurred evil-doer of fare evasion, it calmly dealt me a side-eye sneer and walked past like a supercilious teenager. Nope, those things are the enemy of man and furball alike. And, worst of all, they have deluded allies...

... Trudeau's probably going to grant them citizenship when they show up in Ottawa with their own little convoy.

This... is one very implausible story. But it would explain several anomalies at once, including Kate's presence in Canada and her superstar NL salary. No doubt her dogged pursuit of this title would explain why "Galdius paid above and beyond the usual asking price".

I think I'm going to advocate for more Canadian exclusives from now on.

... should I be surprised that @KateGray is not the author of this piece?

And all the games worth playing will come back in some form eventually. This is NOT your last chance to play Harvest Moon (or whatever franchise you are currently worried about missing).

@JasmineDragon Interesting that you should say that. I was absent from this hobby for a very long time myself, and I have found the Switch generation to be an absolute boon for people like me who want to "catch up" to some degree - my lighter bank account can attest to that. And yet...

Games like Final Fantasy Tactics, Symphony of the Night, Xenogears, the Rare Replay set, Clock Tower, the early SMT and Persona games, several Fire Emblem titles, GameCube classics like Eternal Darkness, and (for me most painful) Metroid Fusion are still out of reach, either due to exorbitant cost or lack of physical versions (and I won't buy an Xbox for that one title, never mind the principle of supporting MS). The remake of Famicom Tantei Club, for example, while encouraging, is somewhat bittersweet without that retail release, although that may come later (I hope).

My agreement with you is therefore only partial. There has been progress, as you point out, but there are still a wide array of tastes and seminal titles not being fed. I hope you can see that leaving things to the companies - especially in the multi-decade case of Famicom Detective Club - is no certain strategy.

@Troll_Decimator Thanks for your perspective. There are many titles to choose from here...

they couldn't figure out how to go about having your farmer become

@Eel Will you ban me if I make a comment about declining birth rates here?

apparently HM3 ends when you get married, if you choose to play as a girl

@KateGray So female protagonist = "bad ending". Yikes. I really thought I'd heard it all when it came to absurd game design... and people say Simon's Quest was obtuse?

From your description, I think I'm inclined to start with Trio of Towns and go from there. Harvest Moon seems to have earned the ire of the audience, so I think I'll start with a "SoS" title, haha. Many thanks for simplifying my entrée here!

@KateGray The only farming sim I've played is Stardew Valley, although I've been looking at some from the GCN/PS2 generation. Among the titles listed here, do you have a recommendation for we neophytes among these games?

@GerBearNy I seriously don't understand your comment. I'd welcome one of these articles from every regular writer on NL. If you're a gamer, how do you fail to understand the significance of losing access to games?

It's a remarkably compelling narrative, driven by strong characterizations and some shockingly dark plot twists that are well-telegraphed.

This means that not everyone can go all out all the time; sometimes you have to prioritize which attacks or actions you want to take because there won’t be enough gems for everyone.

These link skills can be absolute game changers if you know when to drop them in a tough boss fight, and we appreciated this effort to make your team feel like a more cohesive group.

Herr Vogel! Now that I know you've played a Real Shin Megami Tensei Game™, I find your reviews all the more intriguing. My compliments for the "cozy, fireside" metaphor here.

Given the length of the game and the short window since the previous release, do you think a trilogy or set will be compiled into a package? A retail release would be welcome, in that case... @SwitchVogel

@Greatluigi IF THAT IS THEIR PATH TO ÉLITENESS, I WILL NOT MOCK THEM

METROID ÉLITE MODE

@Hadrian's Wall of Text! This has been your regularly scheduled Cultural Moment from the British Corporation of Truth.

Sadly, rolling is not faster than running.

I knew there was a reason I never paid heed to this filthy Pokémon phenomenon.

A lifetime of personal experience and countless treatises in biomechanics make it abundantly clear that rolling as a ball is the superior locomotion. Truth is beauty, and beauty truth.

This from the company that gave us Samus going left at the start. The contradictions of our era would drive anyone mad.

At 4:21 of the video, a certain male video hostess made the following ill-judged remark:

[Redacted] Americans! I don't know how you live in Canada, frankly.

Now, I have defended said male video hostess, and his furry face, on this site before. But let us be clear: this remark will live in infamy.

Please don't conflate le Canada with los estados unidos again. Neither of us likes that. Isn't that right, Mr. Euro-Irish @AlexOlney?

No wonder KateGray didn't bid you a respectful farewell.

Jobbie means [...] (Scotland only) and pong means [...]

@ralphdibny Where were you when I was trying to comprehend Kate's early articles on this site? I mean, I'm certainly grateful to learn about her culture through her writing. It's just... well, I learned some time ago to keep an Urban Dictionary tab open when I saw her byline.

Science, politics, sociology, these things are hard. I don't often expect to be challenged this way when I read about gaming...

I'm interested in this hack, and even more interested in Celeste, but the game has yet to appear as a physical retail copy in the country of its birth... the same goes for The Messenger, come to think of it. I don't know how much influence Thorson might have over a physical release, but I will note that Stardew Valley showed up at retail quite late into the Switch's life. Here's hoping!

My request is one that can be fulfilled in the opening cutscenes.

While the landmasses of Hyrule are being elevated by some mysterious force, there would be some unfortunate, poignant scenes of people... well, falling. To an unfortunate outcome.

Would it not be poignant if Beedle, a familiar haircut face, were to be lost in this way? His vast services denied to the player all game long, as a way of escalating the stakes early?

I mean, Aonuma is going to resurrect the b*****d anyway for the next game, isn't he?

And this is all assuming it gets past anti monopoly commission

@FragRed ... when was the last instance of the US government actually halting a corporate merger on that basis?

That actually sounds quaint now, like the Carnegie grants, or complete physical editions of Ubisoft collections...

@Debo626 You forgot about XXY and intersex people.

I don't know what your removed comments were about, but from what I can infer, it seems you are deliberating courting controversy here. I didn't read any comments above denying the existence of males or females - did you? As for "going woke", there are plenty of users on this site, myself included, who criticize that political tendency, among others. I'm still here and still making comments, so I don't think this criticism is quite warranted.

If this is about Sterling, then I hope your comments will focus on the person's message and not their identity. I dislike fanatics who deny the existence of biological sex, but I dislike attacks on trans people just as passionately.

@KateGray For the record, I didn't mean to rile you or insult you with the word "catty", although I plainly did, which I regret. For that I will apologize.

As for your past gigs, I don't blame any writers for getting work where they can, and I'm not saying any of you set policy for those publications. I would be remiss if I didn't point out that those other outlets have a certain "protest" (I'd even say "outrage") orientation. The writers on NL itself aren't shy about making complaints, which I don't think are bad, abnormal, or anything other than part of the universal experience of being a fan. I was and remain baffled by that remark.

On the whole, I'm going to have to agree to disagree with you here.

The PS5's value proposition being inferior to that of the Switch at this point in the console cycle would make this question moot, but it is interesting that we are comparing a premium service from one to the base product of the other.

Regardless, I feel that I am obligated to support the human with the furrier face (Monsieur Olney). I mean, he almost has more on his than I do on mine. In fact, this seems to be a recurrent theme with the men of NL. Why this cultural difference between the Nintendo and Sony writers? They're both based in Luff-bra, aren't they? (Aside: I forgive you your smooth-faced look, Jon. For now.)