News Article

Feature: Video Game Characters Looking For Love

Posted by Philip J Reed

The Doctor

Rabbit Season! Doc Season!

About me: Though my name is Fuyuhiko Date, you can and will call me The Doctor. I came to this island as part of a research expedition, but really I just wanted this Demon Crown, which gives me the ultimate power of being able to boss around a little goth girl and a talking piece of luggage. Now at last I can spend all of my time plotting a war against humanity, and waiting patiently in the throne room for a robot to come and kill me.

Location: Floating Island

Ethnicity: Surface Dweller

Hair: Serious hat head

Eyes: Oh you mean like this awesome one on my Demon Crown?!

Occupation: Slaver

I would like to meet: A woman who doesn't mind eating rabbit every night. I can afford to be picky; I'm young, fit and reasonably attractive...except for the 3D version of me which apparently was modelled on John Goodman.

I like to play the following sports: Spelunking, organizing steel-cage Mimiga death fights, mindlessly firing projectiles forward even if you're standing behind me.

My exercise regime consists of: I don't exercise, because I'm somehow easier in my muscular form.

My favourite music: "I Shall Be Released (Over and Over Again Through Nintendo's Download Platforms With Almost No Changes from the Previous Versions)" by Bob Dylan

My favourite movie: Revenge of the Nerds, Watership Down, Who Fed a Red Flower to Roger Rabbit?

My favourite TV show: That show where ruthless, blood-thirsty mutants slap each other around for an hour. I think it's called Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

My dream is to: Spend some time away from my henchmen. They're loyal but far from effective, and the female one is incredibly clingy. All I want is some alone time to plan the coming war with the surface, but she can't bear to let me out of her sight for even a minute. I know she doesn't like being alone. Yes, that's correct...Misery loves company.

On a first date I'd like to: Lock you in a flooded chamber so your best friend drowns. I know it sounds cruel when you spell it out like that, but what did you expect of a warmongering psychopath?

More Stories

User Comments (39)

Norfair

#3

Norfair said:

Ganondorf, obviously. Who wouldn't want that wicked man of the desert?

Void

#4

Void said:

I think Philip should write things like this more than a few times a year.

LordJumpMad

#10

LordJumpMad said:

That love logo should be on the front page of NintendoLife logo, just to spice things up~

C-Olimar

#13

C-Olimar said:

The Koopalings aren't Bowser's kids, only Bowser Jr. is.

“Our current story is that the seven Koopalings are not Bowser’s children. Bower’s only child is Bowser Jr. and we don’t know who the the mother is.” - Miyamoto.

I'm such a killjoy :-/

Great pages :D

AddADashOfSalt

#16

AddADashOfSalt said:

Yes, you really should've had Medusa or Hades in here, that would've made this all the more funny.

BTW Tingle from last year still is the best page~

Philip_J_ReedStaff

#17

Philip_J_Reed said:

Medusa just missed the cut! I started that one but wouldn't have had it done in time. :(

Next year?

/me doesn't know what to make of how many people are surprised Ganon(dorf) is single.

Morphbug

#20

Morphbug said:

"Or maybe take you out for some Chateau Romani...if you really want the magic to last."

Genius.

sinalefa

#26

sinalefa said:

I would be surprised if Ganondorf was married, actually. He can have any Gerudo girl he wants, so he would not do for a particularly loyal husband. And no Gerudo girl would do for a particularly tolerant wife.

Aqueous

#27

Aqueous said:

Oh Philip, I wasn't expecting you to do another of these. Thank you for the laughs. I enjoyed the Doctor, Ganondorf and The Ghost from Pacman in particular

Shirma_Akayaku

#28

Shirma_Akayaku said:

Dis arteecle iz so phunny... But seriously, I like it very much. Not bad.
Too bad I barely read, I didn't even finish reading the first page.

Jaz007

#29

Jaz007 said:

Brilliance. But come on, no girls (mother brain doesn't count).
We had a lack last year too with only samus. Us guys need someone for valintines day too. Now I will have to be alone since my internet date plan failed.

KiwiPanda

#30

KiwiPanda said:

King Dedede:
"Mate for life. My carefully cultivated flab can keep our baby warm while you venture out blindly into the tundra to find and gather enough food to keep all three of us alive, because that's certainly fair."
I thought I had seen the best last year, but this stuff is brilliant! These features are the things you can't find at other sites and what makes NL great, and it's good to see more being made. Great job, Chicken :3

James

#32

James said:

Has it really been a year since the first one..? Good work again Phil :)

R-L-A-George

#33

R-L-A-George said:

Amusing article, though Pinky would of been more suited than Inky. She's a hopeless romantic that has a thing for pac-man. LOL.

Wamtu

#35

Wamtu said:

Aw, no Eggman? Oh well. These were so silly. How the heck did you come up with so many jokes?

Also, Dr. Wily likes Robot Wars! I guess he has some good taste.

eviLaTtenDant

#37

eviLaTtenDant said:

This is the reason to look forward to Valentine's Day every year.
Never stop, @Chicken_Brutus, never stop! At least not as long as LeChuck doesn't send you his dating profile. Actually never stop until every Ninty character got his own profile. :*

Funny_Moblin

#38

Funny_Moblin said:

HAHAHAHA, PHILIP J. REED, I GIVE YOU A HAND FOR TAKING YOUR TIME TO CONSTRUCT SUCH HUMOUROUS DETAILS WITHIN THESE VIDEO GAME VILLAINS!

The one that got me actually laughing so hard was the part when Kamek said he wishes to have a wand more powerful than one that releases geometric shapes!! And then the part that topped it all off...wait for it...WHERE WAS IT MANUFACTURED, SESAME STREET!!!!! LOOOOOOOOOOLQ AHAHAHAHA!!!

Leave A Comment

Hold on there, you need to login to post a comment...