News Article

Feature: Video Game Characters Looking For Love

Posted by Philip J Reed

King Dedede

Stop! Hammer Time.

About me: Good day! I am the ethically-confused ruler of Dream Land, sometimes beating up on its one true hero but other times actually fighting against evil stuff. Usually though I just spend my time hanging out with an apple tree and some cloud thing with porcupine spikes. I'm massively overweight for my height, but since this is a dating profile I'd better just describe myself as "athletic." I also have a fantastic sense of style. After all, how many people do you know that can pull off the robe-over-tuxedo look?

Location: Pop Star

Ethnicity: Waterfowl

Hair: Feathered

Eyes: Pretty adorable for a villain

Occupation: Frenemy

I would like to meet: Burgess Meredith

I like to play the following sports: Croquet, Polo, Whack-A-Mole

My exercise regime consists of: Fighting Kirby, then helping Kirby, then being possessed by something that wants to fight Kirby, then being possessed by something that wants to help Kirby.

My favourite music: "Love Me Waddle Do" by The Beatles, "Soul Sucking Jerk" by Beck, "Some Guys Have All the Luck" by Star Rod Stewart

My favourite movie: March of the Hammer-Weilding Penguins, Mr. Popper's Really Fat Penguins, Batman Returns starring The Penguin BECAUSE I MYSELF AM A PENGUIN DO YOU GET THE JOKE YET

My favourite TV show: Beaking Bad

My dream is to: Destroy all the dreams. PARADOX YO

On a first date I'd like to: Mate for life. My carefully cultivated flab can keep our baby warm while you venture out blindly into the tundra to find and gather enough food to keep all three of us alive, because that's certainly fair. Thank goodness there's no such thing as penguin's lib.

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User Comments (40)

Norfair

#3

Norfair said:

Ganondorf, obviously. Who wouldn't want that wicked man of the desert?

Void

#4

Void said:

I think Philip should write things like this more than a few times a year.

LordJumpMad

#10

LordJumpMad said:

That love logo should be on the front page of NintendoLife logo, just to spice things up~

C-Olimar

#13

C-Olimar said:

The Koopalings aren't Bowser's kids, only Bowser Jr. is.

“Our current story is that the seven Koopalings are not Bowser’s children. Bower’s only child is Bowser Jr. and we don’t know who the the mother is.” - Miyamoto.

I'm such a killjoy :-/

Great pages :D

Dashtag

#16

Dashtag said:

Yes, you really should've had Medusa or Hades in here, that would've made this all the more funny.

BTW Tingle from last year still is the best page~

Philip_J_ReedStaff

#17

Philip_J_Reed said:

Medusa just missed the cut! I started that one but wouldn't have had it done in time. :(

Next year?

/me doesn't know what to make of how many people are surprised Ganon(dorf) is single.

Morpheel

#20

Morpheel said:

"Or maybe take you out for some Chateau Romani...if you really want the magic to last."

Genius.

sinalefa

#26

sinalefa said:

I would be surprised if Ganondorf was married, actually. He can have any Gerudo girl he wants, so he would not do for a particularly loyal husband. And no Gerudo girl would do for a particularly tolerant wife.

Aqueous

#27

Aqueous said:

Oh Philip, I wasn't expecting you to do another of these. Thank you for the laughs. I enjoyed the Doctor, Ganondorf and The Ghost from Pacman in particular

Shirma_Akayaku

#28

Shirma_Akayaku said:

Dis arteecle iz so phunny... But seriously, I like it very much. Not bad.
Too bad I barely read, I didn't even finish reading the first page.

Jaz007

#29

Jaz007 said:

Brilliance. But come on, no girls (mother brain doesn't count).
We had a lack last year too with only samus. Us guys need someone for valintines day too. Now I will have to be alone since my internet date plan failed.

KiwiPanda

#30

KiwiPanda said:

King Dedede:
"Mate for life. My carefully cultivated flab can keep our baby warm while you venture out blindly into the tundra to find and gather enough food to keep all three of us alive, because that's certainly fair."
I thought I had seen the best last year, but this stuff is brilliant! These features are the things you can't find at other sites and what makes NL great, and it's good to see more being made. Great job, Chicken :3

James

#32

James said:

Has it really been a year since the first one..? Good work again Phil :)

R-L-A-George

#33

R-L-A-George said:

Amusing article, though Pinky would of been more suited than Inky. She's a hopeless romantic that has a thing for pac-man. LOL.

Wamtu

#35

Wamtu said:

Aw, no Eggman? Oh well. These were so silly. How the heck did you come up with so many jokes?

Also, Dr. Wily likes Robot Wars! I guess he has some good taste.

eviLaTtenDant

#37

eviLaTtenDant said:

This is the reason to look forward to Valentine's Day every year.
Never stop, @Chicken_Brutus, never stop! At least not as long as LeChuck doesn't send you his dating profile. Actually never stop until every Ninty character got his own profile. :*

Funny_Moblin

#38

Funny_Moblin said:

HAHAHAHA, PHILIP J. REED, I GIVE YOU A HAND FOR TAKING YOUR TIME TO CONSTRUCT SUCH HUMOUROUS DETAILS WITHIN THESE VIDEO GAME VILLAINS!

The one that got me actually laughing so hard was the part when Kamek said he wishes to have a wand more powerful than one that releases geometric shapes!! And then the part that topped it all off...wait for it...WHERE WAS IT MANUFACTURED, SESAME STREET!!!!! LOOOOOOOOOOLQ AHAHAHAHA!!!

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