Feature: Video Game Characters Looking For Love
Posted by Philip J Reed
Stop! Hammer Time.
About me: Good day! I am the ethically-confused ruler of Dream Land, sometimes beating up on its one true hero but other times actually fighting against evil stuff. Usually though I just spend my time hanging out with an apple tree and some cloud thing with porcupine spikes. I'm massively overweight for my height, but since this is a dating profile I'd better just describe myself as "athletic." I also have a fantastic sense of style. After all, how many people do you know that can pull off the robe-over-tuxedo look?
Location: Pop Star
Eyes: Pretty adorable for a villain
I would like to meet: Burgess Meredith
I like to play the following sports: Croquet, Polo, Whack-A-Mole
My exercise regime consists of: Fighting Kirby, then helping Kirby, then being possessed by something that wants to fight Kirby, then being possessed by something that wants to help Kirby.
My favourite music: "Love Me Waddle Do" by The Beatles, "Soul Sucking Jerk" by Beck, "Some Guys Have All the Luck" by Star Rod Stewart
My favourite movie: March of the Hammer-Weilding Penguins, Mr. Popper's Really Fat Penguins, Batman Returns starring The Penguin BECAUSE I MYSELF AM A PENGUIN DO YOU GET THE JOKE YET
My favourite TV show: Beaking Bad
My dream is to: Destroy all the dreams. PARADOX YO
On a first date I'd like to: Mate for life. My carefully cultivated flab can keep our baby warm while you venture out blindly into the tundra to find and gather enough food to keep all three of us alive, because that's certainly fair. Thank goodness there's no such thing as penguin's lib.