News Article

Feature: Video Game Characters Looking For Love

Posted by Philip J Reed

Kamek

Double, Double, My Love Life's in Trouble

About me: I am Bowser's number two, though I should probably come up with a different way to phrase that. I fly around all day on a broom cackling madly to myself, because that's easier than actually developing me as a character.

Location: Yoshi's Island

Ethnicity: Magikoopa

Hair: No way. Don't you know the story of the tortoise and the hair?

Eyes: Four

Occupation: Mage

I would like to meet: You as a baby, so I can determine if you will grow up to become a threat. If so I would orchestrate a kidnapping by some incompetent Shy Guys on an island inhabited by heroic dinosaurs. That's sure to end well.

I like to play the following sports: Spelling Bees

My exercise regime consists of: Swooping in just when you thought you finished the final boss, but making him bigger or something. It'd probably be a better use of my powers to remove the big red button that makes the boss fall into the lava and die but...wait a minute. There is no but. Why do I not do that?!

My favourite music: "Magic Man" by Heart, "Season of the Witch" by Donovan, "Season of the Turtle in a Blue Bathrobe" by Donokoopa, "Witchcraft" by Frank Sinatra, "Papercraft" by The Sticker Stars. Also "The Final Countdown." It's sort of my theme song!

My favourite movie: Magicians, Bedknobs and Broomsticks, The Wizard of Oz

My favourite TV show: I don't watch much television as I prefer to read from my large, personal collection of classic literature. Yes, you heard me right: I'm a big fan of Kamek books.

My dream is to: Find a magic wand that fires something more intimidating than basic geometric shapes, like it's Baby's First Enchanted Scepter. Seriously, where was this thing manufactured? Sesame Street?

On a first date I'd like to: Pull a coin out of your ear, guess your card, produce a rabbit from a hat, and make one of your houseplants grow real big and snap at you until you throw enough eggs at it.

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User Comments (40)

Norfair

#3

Norfair said:

Ganondorf, obviously. Who wouldn't want that wicked man of the desert?

Void

#4

Void said:

I think Philip should write things like this more than a few times a year.

LordJumpMad

#10

LordJumpMad said:

That love logo should be on the front page of NintendoLife logo, just to spice things up~

C-Olimar

#13

C-Olimar said:

The Koopalings aren't Bowser's kids, only Bowser Jr. is.

“Our current story is that the seven Koopalings are not Bowser’s children. Bower’s only child is Bowser Jr. and we don’t know who the the mother is.” - Miyamoto.

I'm such a killjoy :-/

Great pages :D

ReindeerDasher

#16

ReindeerDasher said:

Yes, you really should've had Medusa or Hades in here, that would've made this all the more funny.

BTW Tingle from last year still is the best page~

Philip_J_ReedStaff

#17

Philip_J_Reed said:

Medusa just missed the cut! I started that one but wouldn't have had it done in time. :(

Next year?

/me doesn't know what to make of how many people are surprised Ganon(dorf) is single.

Morpheel

#20

Morpheel said:

"Or maybe take you out for some Chateau Romani...if you really want the magic to last."

Genius.

sinalefa

#26

sinalefa said:

I would be surprised if Ganondorf was married, actually. He can have any Gerudo girl he wants, so he would not do for a particularly loyal husband. And no Gerudo girl would do for a particularly tolerant wife.

Aqueous

#27

Aqueous said:

Oh Philip, I wasn't expecting you to do another of these. Thank you for the laughs. I enjoyed the Doctor, Ganondorf and The Ghost from Pacman in particular

Shirma_Akayaku

#28

Shirma_Akayaku said:

Dis arteecle iz so phunny... But seriously, I like it very much. Not bad.
Too bad I barely read, I didn't even finish reading the first page.

Jaz007

#29

Jaz007 said:

Brilliance. But come on, no girls (mother brain doesn't count).
We had a lack last year too with only samus. Us guys need someone for valintines day too. Now I will have to be alone since my internet date plan failed.

KiwiPanda

#30

KiwiPanda said:

King Dedede:
"Mate for life. My carefully cultivated flab can keep our baby warm while you venture out blindly into the tundra to find and gather enough food to keep all three of us alive, because that's certainly fair."
I thought I had seen the best last year, but this stuff is brilliant! These features are the things you can't find at other sites and what makes NL great, and it's good to see more being made. Great job, Chicken :3

James

#32

James said:

Has it really been a year since the first one..? Good work again Phil :)

R-L-A-George

#33

R-L-A-George said:

Amusing article, though Pinky would of been more suited than Inky. She's a hopeless romantic that has a thing for pac-man. LOL.

Wamtu

#35

Wamtu said:

Aw, no Eggman? Oh well. These were so silly. How the heck did you come up with so many jokes?

Also, Dr. Wily likes Robot Wars! I guess he has some good taste.

eviLaTtenDant

#37

eviLaTtenDant said:

This is the reason to look forward to Valentine's Day every year.
Never stop, @Chicken_Brutus, never stop! At least not as long as LeChuck doesn't send you his dating profile. Actually never stop until every Ninty character got his own profile. :*

Funny_Moblin

#38

Funny_Moblin said:

HAHAHAHA, PHILIP J. REED, I GIVE YOU A HAND FOR TAKING YOUR TIME TO CONSTRUCT SUCH HUMOUROUS DETAILS WITHIN THESE VIDEO GAME VILLAINS!

The one that got me actually laughing so hard was the part when Kamek said he wishes to have a wand more powerful than one that releases geometric shapes!! And then the part that topped it all off...wait for it...WHERE WAS IT MANUFACTURED, SESAME STREET!!!!! LOOOOOOOOOOLQ AHAHAHAHA!!!

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