News Article

Feature: Video Game Characters Looking For Love

Posted by Philip J Reed

Mother Brain

If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body Would You Allow Me to Transplant Myself Into It?

About me: I'm a pretty narrow-minded individual, as I've spent the past 27 years in a glass tube trying to take over the known universe. Of course my standard approach — sealing myself in an underground cavern and hoping that somehow it just happens — might be slightly flawed. I also very stupidly signed away the rights for someone to make an animated series about my life...little did I know they'd have me hanging out with a fat boxer and an eggplant, attempting to murder teenagers. I was mainly offended by how they drew me, however. I looked like somebody melted Blanche from The Golden Girls. Everyone knows I'm much more of a Dorothy!

Location: Tourian

Ethnicity: Cerebrum

Hair: Spiked

Eyes: Singular

Occupation: HNIC (Head Neurotransmitter In Charge)

I would like to meet: Krang from the Ninja Turtles. He's got a great bod. Also Inspector Gadget's dog, because I'd like to take care of him. Yes, that's right, I would literally mother Brain.

I like to play the following sports: I'm big into Chess, Othello, Mastermind, and other brain games

My exercise regime consists of: Being blown up by missiles while deadly Spaghetti-Os swarm uselessly around.

My favourite music: "Where is My Mind?" by The Pixies, "It's Over Here in This Jar," by The Response to That Question, anything by Blondie, and anything but "Mother Brain Damage" by Pink Floyd

My favourite movie: The Atomic Brain, Jarhead, Mother Jugged & Speed Booster

My favourite TV show: Futurama, and that episode of Red Dwarf where Lister is a brain in a jar because that, for some impossible-to-know reason, resonates with me.

My dream is to: Conquer the galaxy through biological warfare. However I'm restricted pretty heavily by the fact that my army consists of barely-sentient cockroach monsters with guns. I did once have my consciousness imprinted on an attractive blonde scientist, but that happened in the same game as Samus wetting herself so you may not have played that far.

On a first date I'd like to: Synthesize flying jellyfish to take over your planet. But that doesn't mean we won't get along.

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User Comments (40)



Norfair said:

Ganondorf, obviously. Who wouldn't want that wicked man of the desert?



Void said:

I think Philip should write things like this more than a few times a year.



LordJumpMad said:

That love logo should be on the front page of NintendoLife logo, just to spice things up~



C-Olimar said:

The Koopalings aren't Bowser's kids, only Bowser Jr. is.

“Our current story is that the seven Koopalings are not Bowser’s children. Bower’s only child is Bowser Jr. and we don’t know who the the mother is.” - Miyamoto.

I'm such a killjoy :-/

Great pages



New_3DaSh_XL said:

Yes, you really should've had Medusa or Hades in here, that would've made this all the more funny.

BTW Tingle from last year still is the best page~



Philip_J_Reed said:

Medusa just missed the cut! I started that one but wouldn't have had it done in time.

Next year?

/me doesn't know what to make of how many people are surprised Ganon(dorf) is single.



Morpheel said:

"Or maybe take you out for some Chateau Romani...if you really want the magic to last."




sinalefa said:

I would be surprised if Ganondorf was married, actually. He can have any Gerudo girl he wants, so he would not do for a particularly loyal husband. And no Gerudo girl would do for a particularly tolerant wife.



Aqueous said:

Oh Philip, I wasn't expecting you to do another of these. Thank you for the laughs. I enjoyed the Doctor, Ganondorf and The Ghost from Pacman in particular



Shirma_Akayaku said:

Dis arteecle iz so phunny... But seriously, I like it very much. Not bad.
Too bad I barely read, I didn't even finish reading the first page.



Jaz007 said:

Brilliance. But come on, no girls (mother brain doesn't count).
We had a lack last year too with only samus. Us guys need someone for valintines day too. Now I will have to be alone since my internet date plan failed.



KiwiPanda said:

King Dedede:
"Mate for life. My carefully cultivated flab can keep our baby warm while you venture out blindly into the tundra to find and gather enough food to keep all three of us alive, because that's certainly fair."
I thought I had seen the best last year, but this stuff is brilliant! These features are the things you can't find at other sites and what makes NL great, and it's good to see more being made. Great job, Chicken :3



James said:

Has it really been a year since the first one..? Good work again Phil



R-L-A-George said:

Amusing article, though Pinky would of been more suited than Inky. She's a hopeless romantic that has a thing for pac-man. LOL.



WAM2 said:

Aw, no Eggman? Oh well. These were so silly. How the heck did you come up with so many jokes?

Also, Dr. Wily likes Robot Wars! I guess he has some good taste.



alLabouTandroiD said:

This is the reason to look forward to Valentine's Day every year.
Never stop, @Chicken_Brutus, never stop! At least not as long as LeChuck doesn't send you his dating profile. Actually never stop until every Ninty character got his own profile.



Funny_Moblin said:


The one that got me actually laughing so hard was the part when Kamek said he wishes to have a wand more powerful than one that releases geometric shapes!! And then the part that topped it all off...wait for it...WHERE WAS IT MANUFACTURED, SESAME STREET!!!!! LOOOOOOOOOOLQ AHAHAHAHA!!!

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