News Article

Feature: Video Game Characters Looking For Love

Posted by Philip J Reed

Inky

The Overhead View is of Me in a Maze

About me: I'm a little bit bashful, as you can tell from my behaviour, which is TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHER GHOSTS I SWEAR. I spend my days getting eaten by a gigantic yellow circle in an inescapable maze of death, and my nights beating myself against the wall of a rectangle until it lets me out to get eaten again. I'd like to go on a date with a woman who can appreciate my classic style and tendency to make a silly face and run away whenever somebody stronger walks into the room. I'm a big fan of Italian food, but don't you dare put a cheese pizza in front of me with one of the slices missing because THAT IS NOT FUNNY.

Location: Pac-Land

Ethnicity: Ghost

Hair: Also Deceased

Eyes: Indestructible

Occupation: Minotaur

I would like to meet: The Kill Screen. Or wait...maybe I've met it already??

I like to play the following sports: The 100 Meter Dash, The 200 Meter Flee, The 400 Meter Aimless Meander

My exercise regime consists of: Patrolling the corridors of an unchanging labyrinth, and running from Pac-Man whenever I turn blue. Except that I'm always blue so really I'm referring to a slightly darker blue and...you know what? It's hard to explain. Just give me a quarter and figure it out for yourself.

My favourite music: In my day music only lasted for a couple of seconds, and was then followed by an endless swirling siren. But now I like "Little Ghost" by the White Stripes. Also "I'm Blue" by Eiffel 65, "I'm So Blue" by Katie Thompson, and "Seriously Guys I am Actually the Color Blue" by the DYSWIDTs.

My favourite movie: Ghost World, The Haunting of Hill Maze, Ghost in the Arcade Machine

My favourite TV show: Caspar the Friendly Ghost, House Haunters

My dream is to: Come alive, like Peter Frampton but a lot less annoying.

On a first date I'd like to: Go out for the night. I'd invite you to my place but it's pretty cramped with my three roommates in such a small rectangle. Also it's been pretty noisy here since the Championship Edition revealed that our maze is upstairs from an obnoxious, thumping all-night disco.

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User Comments (40)

Norfair

#3

Norfair said:

Ganondorf, obviously. Who wouldn't want that wicked man of the desert?

Void

#4

Void said:

I think Philip should write things like this more than a few times a year.

LordJumpMad

#10

LordJumpMad said:

That love logo should be on the front page of NintendoLife logo, just to spice things up~

C-Olimar

#13

C-Olimar said:

The Koopalings aren't Bowser's kids, only Bowser Jr. is.

“Our current story is that the seven Koopalings are not Bowser’s children. Bower’s only child is Bowser Jr. and we don’t know who the the mother is.” - Miyamoto.

I'm such a killjoy :-/

Great pages :D

ReindeerDasher

#16

ReindeerDasher said:

Yes, you really should've had Medusa or Hades in here, that would've made this all the more funny.

BTW Tingle from last year still is the best page~

Philip_J_ReedStaff

#17

Philip_J_Reed said:

Medusa just missed the cut! I started that one but wouldn't have had it done in time. :(

Next year?

/me doesn't know what to make of how many people are surprised Ganon(dorf) is single.

Morpheel

#20

Morpheel said:

"Or maybe take you out for some Chateau Romani...if you really want the magic to last."

Genius.

sinalefa

#26

sinalefa said:

I would be surprised if Ganondorf was married, actually. He can have any Gerudo girl he wants, so he would not do for a particularly loyal husband. And no Gerudo girl would do for a particularly tolerant wife.

Aqueous

#27

Aqueous said:

Oh Philip, I wasn't expecting you to do another of these. Thank you for the laughs. I enjoyed the Doctor, Ganondorf and The Ghost from Pacman in particular

Shirma_Akayaku

#28

Shirma_Akayaku said:

Dis arteecle iz so phunny... But seriously, I like it very much. Not bad.
Too bad I barely read, I didn't even finish reading the first page.

Jaz007

#29

Jaz007 said:

Brilliance. But come on, no girls (mother brain doesn't count).
We had a lack last year too with only samus. Us guys need someone for valintines day too. Now I will have to be alone since my internet date plan failed.

KiwiPanda

#30

KiwiPanda said:

King Dedede:
"Mate for life. My carefully cultivated flab can keep our baby warm while you venture out blindly into the tundra to find and gather enough food to keep all three of us alive, because that's certainly fair."
I thought I had seen the best last year, but this stuff is brilliant! These features are the things you can't find at other sites and what makes NL great, and it's good to see more being made. Great job, Chicken :3

James

#32

James said:

Has it really been a year since the first one..? Good work again Phil :)

R-L-A-George

#33

R-L-A-George said:

Amusing article, though Pinky would of been more suited than Inky. She's a hopeless romantic that has a thing for pac-man. LOL.

Wamtu

#35

Wamtu said:

Aw, no Eggman? Oh well. These were so silly. How the heck did you come up with so many jokes?

Also, Dr. Wily likes Robot Wars! I guess he has some good taste.

eviLaTtenDant

#37

eviLaTtenDant said:

This is the reason to look forward to Valentine's Day every year.
Never stop, @Chicken_Brutus, never stop! At least not as long as LeChuck doesn't send you his dating profile. Actually never stop until every Ninty character got his own profile. :*

Funny_Moblin

#38

Funny_Moblin said:

HAHAHAHA, PHILIP J. REED, I GIVE YOU A HAND FOR TAKING YOUR TIME TO CONSTRUCT SUCH HUMOUROUS DETAILS WITHIN THESE VIDEO GAME VILLAINS!

The one that got me actually laughing so hard was the part when Kamek said he wishes to have a wand more powerful than one that releases geometric shapes!! And then the part that topped it all off...wait for it...WHERE WAS IT MANUFACTURED, SESAME STREET!!!!! LOOOOOOOOOOLQ AHAHAHAHA!!!

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