Merry Christmas from Nintendo Life!

'tis the season!

It's Christmas — a season of goodwill and peace to all men. A time when we take some well-deserved time off to catch up with family and friends, stuff our faces with food and do a huge amount of gaming.

To celebrate this awesome time of year we have a special treat.

Nintendo gamers know the legendary Nintendo 64 kid, but while it's a hugely entertaining — and, viewed in the right way, incredibly touching video — it doesn't make such a good read.

Nintendo Life writer Joe Walker rectifies that with his novelisation of The Nintendo 64 Kid.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

The Nintendo 64 Kid

by Joe Walker

It was a Christmas morning that at first seemed like any other. I was overjoyed to receive all of the action figures and sports equipment I had asked for, just like every year. Santa was very good to my sister and me, rarely leaving our wishes unfulfilled.

This year, though, something WAS missing, something which I yearned for with my entire being. The fibres of my very soul all called out in unison, hoping desperately to receive the one item that would sate my deepest desires.

My mom was filming us again, which I never understood. She laboured so much to record every minute of every birthday, Christmas and school function and never watched the videos afterwards. I figured she recorded everything in search of that one elusive moment, that one instance in time that would define a very specific point in our lives.

She was lucky the camera was rolling that morning.

“You have another present, son,” my mom said, pointing to a box from behind her video camera. I hadn’t noticed; in the storm of ripped wrapping paper being flung this way and that it must have slipped out of my mind.

I silently analysed the box as I slid it across the floor to the designated unwrapping area in front of the video camera. It was the right size, and it felt heavy enough. It couldn’t be… could it? Did Santa actually pull it off?

Unable to contain myself, I ripped off the paper in what seemed like one piece. The rectangular box stood bare on front of me, like some kind of monolith; a monument of how much Santa loved me.

“NINTENDO SIXTY-FOOOOOOOOOUR!” The words lept from my throat at a volume I didn’t know I was capable of producing. “OH MY GOD!”

“Thank you Santa!” my sister said calmly as I tossed a stray bit of paper aside. How could she be so calm? Did she realise what lay on the floor in front of us?! It was a literal FUN FACTORY. This was a device that, when plugged into the television, was capable of producing nothing short of PURE JOY as long as it was powered on.

My stupid, short-sighted sister thanked Santa again as I turned the box over and over in my arms, trying to see everything it had to offer all at one time while some primal force inside me continued to scream a euphoric battle cry. Yes, Santa had delivered this immeasurable bounty, but I was the one who had earned it.

I lay the box flat on the floor and placed both hands firmly on the top for a reason I to this day do not understand. Was I afraid it would run away? I must have been, because I lowered my face to within an inch of the printed cardboard – God, it smelled so good – and screamed again: a dominating scream, as if to say “YOU BELONG TO ME NOW! I AM YOUR MASTER AND YOU WILL SERVE ME!”

I began pawing at the box, my tiny hands desperate to unearth the treasure that lay inside. By this time my sister had begun to copy what I was doing — you know, like little sisters do — but I paid her little mind. She would get hers later. This moment… this moment was mine, and I would be damned if I let her or anyone else take it from me.

Standing the box upright again, I pumped my fist toward the sky, confident my joyous cries would reach the heavens above me. “YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!” My stupid sister did it along with me. Ugh.

A revelation struck me: If Santa came through with a gift this big, there would be no more than one game that would accompany the new console. However, just down the street, there was a veritable treasure trove, a palace that contained multiple copies of every game I could ever hope to play. “Now we can order games from Blockbuster!”

My mom called my name, snapping me away from the best moment in my life. I had another present, apparently. I don’t know why Santa would even bother. Nothing could top this. Nothing. No moment would ever come close for my entire life. When I graduate college? Psssh. My wedding day? Gross, girls have cooties. This… this was what it was all about.

I pulled the paper away on the smaller box, still unable to take my eyes off of the bounty that had been bestowed upon me. “Nintendo 64 remote control car!” I said, trying to sound excited. A nice gesture, fat man, but if you already gave me filet mignon, why bother throwing in a pound of ground beef?

Still… he had done it. “Thank you, Santa!”

Merry Christmas to all our readers!

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