Game Reviews scoring 3/10
Review Absolutely Unstoppable MineRun (Wii U eShop)
Absolutely forgettable
There were quite a few odd releases on the Wii U eShop during its heyday, but even in these twilight years we still seem to be getting some real eyebrow raisers. Absolutely Unstoppable MineRun is the latest of these. Somewhat of a mix of an autorunner and a precision platformer, you'll quickly notice graphics were probably...
Review Vroom in the Night Sky (Switch eShop)
Or don't...
The Nintendo Switch game library is off to a very highly-praised start – The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild has been making almost every man/woman/cat alive positively burst with glee and we've been loving games such as Snipperclips and Fast RMX here at Nintendo Life HQ. But unfortunately amongst the gems there have to be some...
Review Ice Station Z (3DS eShop)
Not cool
We really wanted to like Wobbly Tooth's Ice Station Z. An open world, multiplayer zombie survival game that takes place in a cold setting, Ice Station Z looked different than other 3DS eShop titles and we'd hoped for a challenging, solid survival experience. Unfortunately, it doesn't live up to its potential at all, instead offering a...
The '70s just called, they want their game back
Just the other day, this writer happened to encounter a page loading error on Google Chrome and got an opportunity to play that hidden dinosaur platforming game, where the T-rex has to jump over rocks and cacti as it runs through a desert. You know the one. This 'game' is simple, something that's just...
Review Games For Toddlers (Wii U eShop)
By toddlers, for toddlers
While many gamers fall into a certain age demographic, there are plenty of players younger and older than the average age. For games aimed at the young, the tradition has been to either create an educational experience or something dumbed-down and almost insulting to kids' intelligence. If you've got a young one who is...
Review TOUCH SELECTIONS (Wii U eShop)
You might want to AVOID[ER] this one
Hot off the heels of TAP TAP ARCADE 2, RCMADIAX has released TOUCH SELECTIONS; this title is a two-in-one game purchase, much like the existing ARCADE series. The games on offer this time are PEG SOLITAIRE and AVOIDER - which have been previously reviewed by other writers. The first offers a basic puzzle...
Review Surfin' Sam - Attack of the Aqualites (Wii U eShop)
No waves today, dude
If you were around for the 16-bit era, you surely remember the influx of mascot-driven platformers at the time, such as Bubsy and Awesome Possum. Most of these games were nothing more than copies of popular games like Sonic the Hedgehog that wanted a piece of the popularity pie. Surfin' Sam: Attack of the Aqualites feels like it...
Review Hot Rod Racer (Wii U eShop)
A complete write-off
In Hot Rod Racer you take on the role of a reckless driver with the need for speed. Selecting from a car or a motorbike as your main mode of transport, you put the key in the ignition of your vehicle of choice and take to the track with the intention of speeding along until you run out of gas. Hot Rod Racer seemingly aims to...
Review Langrisser Re:Incarnation Tensei (3DS)
Languid
With a string of well-loved strategy RPGs spanning the glory days of the Mega Drive, Super Famicom and Sega Saturn, Masaya's Langriser is a storied series. Its unique art style, large-scale battles and Germanic-inspired lore earned it a passionate following; now, nearly two decades after 1998's Langrisser V, Aksys has delivered a new entry...
To be a 'noid
Classic arcade styles have stood the test of time, making them ideal subjects for experimentation. Combine two in a certain way and you might just make a delicious chocolate/peanut butter combo of fun. The retro concoction of INVANOID, however, is a different matter. INVANOID combines the downward travelling foes of Space Invaders...
Review Slots - Pharaoh's Riches (Wii U eShop)
More like Pharaoh's Rags
There seems to be a dearth of casino-style or gambling games on the Wii U eShop, so Skunk Software has taken it upon itself to try and fill this gap. Unfortunately, there is a glaringly obvious reason why gambling games aren't found all over the eShop: they simply don't work as intended. For its part, Slots - Pharaoh's...
Too Burnt To Be Good
Remember when random encounters, grinding for money and to level up characters was a thing in RPGs? ASH sure does. ASH starts with some rather vague storytelling. The game drops players into the Empire of Aghaus with control over two characters, Nicholas and Damien. It's hinted that Nicholas is a former member of Aghaus'...
Review Doll Fashion Atelier (3DS eShop)
Design flaw
Spanning 16 games, anime and manga adaptations, and a near 20-year legacy, the Atelier series is one of the most beloved RPG franchises of all time. With such a wide cast of characters and a charming premise it's no wonder that the series has been beloved by fans for so long. It's great to see such an influential franchise finally make...
Review SUPER ROBO MOUSE (Wii U eShop)
Mousetrap
This late in the Wii U's lifecycle the low expectations for good Nintendo Web Framework games are becoming the norm. Where we were once shocked at the poor quality of a number of these low-budget indie titles, we now roll our eyes and shrug. But when a title is hyped by its developer as its pièce de résistance, the end result had better...
Review Japanese Rail Sim 3D Journey in suburbs #1 Vol.4 (3DS eShop)
Running out of steam
Japanese Rail Sim 3D Journey in Suburbs #1 Vol. 4 is – like its predecessors – one of those games that's either loved or hated. That being said, this niche genre is not best represented by this fairly half-baked train sim. The gameplay is mindless and the real world footage is below acceptable quality standards, leaving us...
Review Japanese Rail Sim 3D Journey in suburbs #1 Vol.3 (3DS eShop)
Quite the trainwreck
The oddly named Japanese Rail Sim 3D Journey in Suburbs #1 Vol. 3 is finally here, promising more train driving action to all who are interested. For better or for worse, this entry in the series is virtually indistinguishable from its predecessors; none of the flaws have been improved upon, nor have any of its strengths been...
Review Japanese Rail Sim 3D Journey in suburbs #1 Vol.2 (3DS eShop)
You're better off walking
Last year, Japanese Rail Sim 3D Journey in Suburbs #1 came out on the eShop, a game that centered around the concept of being a real life train conductor in Japan. It wasn't very well-received here, but the title gave away the fact there would inevitably be at least one sequel. One would think that Sonic Powered Co...
Review Blast 'Em Bunnies (3DS eShop)
Cracked egg
Nnooo has released several titles on Nintendo platforms since Pop launched with WiiWare. While not all of its releases have been successes — the DSiWare myNotebook line and Spirit Hunters showed ingenuity but just weren't very fun to play — the studio's nonetheless been consistent in developing new IP with a unique style. Blast 'Em...
Review City Connection (Wii U eShop / NES)
Missed Connection
If you don't remember City Connection, we wouldn't blame you. In 1985, arcades in the U.S. and elsewhere were booming in popularity, and as a result that particular industry was rather strong. This title came to NES owners a little later, however, releasing in the middle of 1988. It looks and feels like a relic of a bygone era, and...
Review Joe's Diner (Wii U eShop)
Scary bad
Joe's Diner sounds compelling on paper: you're a new employee at a lonely diner on an abandoned stretch of highway. The diner is set atop an Indian burial ground and is rife with other-worldly activity; your goal is to survive through the night and by keeping the spirits at rest. Unfortunately, ideas don't always come out the way one might...
Review TAP TAP ARCADE (Wii U eShop)
2 Games, 1 Button
Package deals are always worth considering to save a bit of coin or reduce the footprint of buying everything separately. Even small things can come in smaller packages when bundled, which is the case with RCMADIAX's TAP TAP ARCADE. Unfortunately, the combination here doesn't really feel any greater than the sum of its parts. TAP...
Review Mini-Games Madness Volume: #1 - Hello World! (Wii U eShop)
Uh... hi...
The first time you start up Mini-Games Madness Volume: #1 - Hello World!, you might wonder if it's one of those "haunted" games that try to pass themselves off as normal but are actually scary. The loading screen is accompanied by an inexplicable clicking noise and the game selection screen is, for some reason, an intentionally(?)...
Review Island Flight Simulator (Wii U eShop)
Plane boring
Occasionally you can get a feel for how good (or bad) a game is going to be from the very moment you begin. This is one of those games. After selecting a profile (which you can't rename) Island Flight Simulator begins with a wonderfully impersonal piece of text: 'Welcome Profile 01!' If at this point you've also decided to utilise...
Based on the animated BBC series, Walking with Dinosaurs
With such a name, you'd be forgiven for thinking Dinox wanted to recapture the magic of past dinosaur shooters such as Turok: Dinosaur Hunter. Sadly, this is not the case. Developed by Codix Games and published by Engine Software, Dinox is actually an educational quiz title for the Wii U eShop...
Review Test Your Mind (Wii U eShop)
Better stick to Brain Age
Brain teasers and Nintendo consoles have long enjoyed a fruitful partnership; the Brain Age series proved that games could give a great mental workout while still being fun. Unfortunately, Test Your Mind doesn't fare as well. Test Your Mind is a simple title with three single-player modes and one multiplayer mode. The...
Review Perpetual Blast (Wii U eShop)
A shot in the dark
Perpetual Blast is an endless shooter. Similar to the concept of the popular endless runner genre on mobile devices, Perpetual Blast focuses on doing one thing and one thing only. Sadly, myriad execution errors keep it from being an enjoyable experience. The idea of Perpetual Blast is simple: find and destroy 100 boxes as fast as...
Review Hold Your Fire: A Game About Responsibility (Wii U eShop)
Star Chores
It's time we put a stop to the romanticism of life in space. Too long have we had to endure the thrills of blast-filled chases through asteroid belts and hyperspeed flings among the stars. Who do these games think we are? Interesting? No, we want the truth! We demand the 9-5 trudgery and certain, unforgiving death that comes with being a...
Review Rock 'N Racing Off Road DX (Wii U eShop)
Quantity over quality
EnjoyUp's top-down racer Rock 'N Racing Off Road, released in February, was a disappointing, frustrating experience that left much to be desired. Now, just months later, Rock 'N Racing Off Road DX aims to improve upon the formula and offer a more robust set of features, tracks, cars, and modes. Yet while there's certainly more...
Review Funky Physics (Wii U eShop)
Taking the Fun Out of Funky
There's a lot of physics in Funky Physics. There are also some minor annoyances, like hitting blocks and timing them just right to bounce off platforms for them to function properly. It takes the funky out of the title. Or maybe it adds to it depending on which perspective you're looking at the game from and your...
Review Mortar Melon (Wii U eShop)
Smashing melons isn't nearly as fun as Smashing Pumpkins
The first time a watermelon smashed into a log-cutting industrial saw's menacing jagged edges, there were melon bits everywhere. For the next two hours or so, that carnage only got worse. Red melon juices like blood stuck to its blades, with wasted delicious looking melon slices flying in all...
