Mini-Games Madness Volume: #1 - Hello World! Review (Wii U eShop)

The first time you start up Mini-Games Madness Volume: #1 - Hello World!, you might wonder if it's one of those "haunted" games that try to pass themselves off as normal but are actually scary. The loading screen is accompanied by an inexplicable clicking noise and the game selection screen is, for some reason, an intentionally(?) glitch-like and chaotic mess. You might hold your breath as you explore a bit, waiting for one of the games in this package to burst into flames and start spouting a chorus of demonic voices at you.

Play a bit, however, and you'll soon realize there is nothing haunting Mini-Games Madness #1. On the contrary, it's nearly devoid of any spirit whatsoever.

The four mini-games that greet the world in this compilation are a who's who of games you have seen dozens of times before, and often in better renditions. The only reason to really enter any of these games is to keep the selection screen from making you motion sick.

Eels and Ladders is the first game up. This is a digital manifestation of Snakes and Ladders, which itself is the board game manifestation of man's lack of free will. Tap to roll the dice and eventually someone will reach the top. A maximum of two people can play, which is a rather low number for all that is being demanded here, but at least you can choose the background of the game board. That's something, right?

Mini Farmer perhaps had the most promise of becoming something. It starts off with a voiceover tutorial from a man doing his best southernfolk farmer accent; this is by far the best part of the whole mini-game collection.

Once the tutorial ends, however, you realize this game is only about hitting the A button to plant the same crops in the same plots, then hitting A again when a meter turns green to water them, then hitting A after another meter turns green to harvest and sell them. You use the money to press A over surrounding equipment that does nothing but increase your production rate so crops sell for more and… you don't have to press the A button as often. There is no crop selection, no customization; just the realization that you are fighting to free yourself from a button-pressing prison of your own creation!

Copter is that game where you fly a helicopter through a cave by holding down a button to make it go up. Very brown. Only one explosion.

Cave Run is an endless runner about gathering gems in a dimly lit cave. It cheers you on with messages such as "Go! Go! Go!" and "You Can Make It!" even though we know as well as it does that the only way this is going to end is with the little spelunker dude at the bottom of a pit. And a pit really is the only way this game ends. All the other obstacles, such as rocks and trees in the path, only slow the runner down and even begin to feel like benefits after a while.

None of the four games provide much incentive to participate aside from the pursuit of high scores. Even if there were more things to unlock, it's doubtful any of these experiences would hold one's interest long enough to reach those goals.