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Need Some Tetris Lessons?

Posted by Darren Calvert

We know a man who can help you master those pesky Tetriminoes.

In these troubled economic times it is great to see some entrepreneurial spirit looking for an opportunity to turn their skills into cash. A good example of this ability to think outside of the box would be the chap from Vancouver who posted the following ad on Craigslist:

In response to the economic downturn, I am offering personal Tetris training sessions on a limited, first-come first-serve basis. I am a patient and non-judgmental coach.

Frequently Asked Question:

Q: Why should I pay you to train me to play Tetris?

A: Tetris is the Greatest Video Game of All Time (Electronic Gaming Monthly, 2007), and studies have demonstrated the beneficial effect that extended sessions of playing Tetris have on things such as hand-eye-coordination, reducing PTSD, simple problem solving skills and Tetris playing ability. Tetris is an inexpensive pastime that requires minimal equipment and carries little to no risk of physical injury.

Tetris is easy to learn but hard to master. You will receive personal Tetris coaching from someone who has played numerous variations of Tetris on a number of different platforms and consoles, in the relative comfort of his own home.

“I have been playing Tetris since I was eight” - Alex P. Wilson

Tetris Fundamentals - 90 minutes $30.00

After completing Tetris Fundamentals, you will have:

  • the ability to identify and maneuver all 7 Tetriminoes, as well as their major uses
  • an understanding of how to achieve back to back Tetrises
  • learned to optimize your use of basic features and techniques such as hard drops and wall kicks, as well as making the most out of holds and block preview (these features may not be native to all versions of Tetris)
  • watched me play Tetris for 45 minutes
  • gained the confidence to play Tetris by yourself or against friends, strangers, and family members

Intermediate Tetris – 2 hours $40.00 - 55.00

  • This training program is slightly longer in duration, and incorporates all of the modules covered in Tetris Fundamentals but also includes beer, wine or liquor. You will challenge yourself by applying the skills you’ve learned while growing increasingly intoxicated and playing against someone who is similarly drunk
  • There may be a short primer on computational geometry and algorithmic complexity theory, unless we run out of time

Contact me directly to book your session. Couples and seniors discounts are available. Program costs include provision of AA batteries, light refreshments, and are non-refundable.

We’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions, but if you happen to live in the Vancouver area and want to brush up on your Tetris Party skills before the next online tournament then you know where to go now!


From the web

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User Comments (21)



SmaMan said:

Hehe, the drunk part sounds fun. I guess if you can play Tetris well drunk then sober should be a breeze!



XD375 said:

That was... Interesting. Makes me want to practice my own skills. Maybe I could set up a similar course for Tetris or another game? XD



wanderlustwarrior said:

I love how exactly half of the basic package is just watching him play tetris. If thats all one game, that's very good (read: inhuman), but maybe a bit excessive.



Aardvark_Soup said:

Wait. You just watch him play Tetris for 45 minutes? What kind of course is that?! That's like watching a mathematics professor solve equations for 45 minutes, you don't pay for that.



timp29 said:

haha I could use a course on tspin double back-to-backs. Some of the people in the tetris tournaments got phenomenal scores. There is some guy in England called B*B who I would love to see play tetris.



Kawaiipikachu said:

Um err okay.
I might be tempted to start a course where you learn the whole pokémon type refrence chart.



feba said:

Sure you can, Outrunner, but then you don't get the accreditation.

You can learn a lot of stuff by yourself, but you still need to seek education for your resume's sake.



Bahamut_ZERO said:

"In these troubled economic times, I want you to waste $30 that could be used on food or a good 30+ hour video game and instead blow it on me, and watch me play Tetris for 30 minutes!"

That's what I hear



Sonatina_Gena said:

"... in the relative comfort of his own home." Hahaha. I smiled when I saw this. I love the beginner class, where half of the time you're just watching him play; and how in the other class, you're playing drunk.

I'm a minor, so I think I'll pass. I need that money for more Wii Points, anyway.



MarkyVigoroth said:

Well, I know I am NOT taking "Intermediate Tetris"...

By the way, I think that he means that you would have watched him play Tetris for a TOTAL of 45 minutes (In other words, not all at once).



Objection said:

@Ho11oWxxMaN-Actually, they caught him. Yays.
But yeah this seems pretty silly, no matter how professionally written. I'm going to have a course that costs $15 that tells you how to turn your Wii on and how to push each button.



Token_Girl said:

Hmmm....stranger coming to my house (or me going to some strangers house) and getting drunk and possibly not being able to drive home right after the lesson. Sounds like good decision making to me. Def. best of craigslist worthy though.

Slash I think I should teach a course on wii bowling seeing how popular that is. I wonder if one could actually make money off that.



Rocky said:

I seriously need this for Guitar Hero / Rock Band. I don't think I've ever put that many hours into one game and not really improved much at all. But I still love playing the game. I watch YouTube and wonder HOW are they doing that?!?!

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