Need Some Tetris Lessons?
Posted by Darren Calvert
We know a man who can help you master those pesky Tetriminoes.
In these troubled economic times it is great to see some entrepreneurial spirit looking for an opportunity to turn their skills into cash. A good example of this ability to think outside of the box would be the chap from Vancouver who posted the following ad on Craigslist:
In response to the economic downturn, I am offering personal Tetris training sessions on a limited, first-come first-serve basis. I am a patient and non-judgmental coach.
Frequently Asked Question:
Q: Why should I pay you to train me to play Tetris?
A: Tetris is the Greatest Video Game of All Time (Electronic Gaming Monthly, 2007), and studies have demonstrated the beneficial effect that extended sessions of playing Tetris have on things such as hand-eye-coordination, reducing PTSD, simple problem solving skills and Tetris playing ability. Tetris is an inexpensive pastime that requires minimal equipment and carries little to no risk of physical injury.
Tetris is easy to learn but hard to master. You will receive personal Tetris coaching from someone who has played numerous variations of Tetris on a number of different platforms and consoles, in the relative comfort of his own home.
“I have been playing Tetris since I was eight” - Alex P. Wilson
Tetris Fundamentals - 90 minutes $30.00
After completing Tetris Fundamentals, you will have:
- the ability to identify and maneuver all 7 Tetriminoes, as well as their major uses
- an understanding of how to achieve back to back Tetrises
- learned to optimize your use of basic features and techniques such as hard drops and wall kicks, as well as making the most out of holds and block preview (these features may not be native to all versions of Tetris)
- watched me play Tetris for 45 minutes
- gained the confidence to play Tetris by yourself or against friends, strangers, and family members
Intermediate Tetris – 2 hours $40.00 - 55.00
- This training program is slightly longer in duration, and incorporates all of the modules covered in Tetris Fundamentals but also includes beer, wine or liquor. You will challenge yourself by applying the skills you’ve learned while growing increasingly intoxicated and playing against someone who is similarly drunk
- There may be a short primer on computational geometry and algorithmic complexity theory, unless we run out of time
Contact me directly to book your session. Couples and seniors discounts are available. Program costs include provision of AA batteries, light refreshments, and are non-refundable.
We’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions, but if you happen to live in the Vancouver area and want to brush up on your Tetris Party skills before the next online tournament then you know where to go now!