Month of Yoshi: Guide for Beginner Yoshi Owners
Posted by Tim Latshaw
Practical advice on brightly coloured, insatiable dinosaur maintenance
Congratulations on your first Yoshi! With the proper upkeep and care, your new addition will prove a faithful companion and friend. As the two of you build mutual trust, your Yoshi can even grow to serve as a chauffeur or care for your easily kidnapped children. Even without these perks, the garbage disposal cost savings will pay for your Yoshi alone!
The following guide provides answers to the most frequent questions and concerns expressed by beginner Yoshi owners. Please keep it in a safe, out-of-reach place where your Yoshi can not eat it.
Haha! That was just some beginner Yoshi-owning humour, there. There is no such place.
How do I determine my Yoshi’s gender?
This is understandably one of the first questions many ask. Unfortunately, answers are only covered in the Guide for Advanced Yoshi Owners Who Have Learned to Just Leave Some Questions Alone.
What do Yoshis eat?
This will be a significantly shorter Guide to Yoshi Care if we tell you what they do not eat. Yoshis do not eat tap-dancing metal spikeballs, world bosses, or, thankfully, the fragile glue that holds the very fabric of our universe together.
If you’re asking more about technical digestion, then the question becomes more complicated as most every item consumed by a Yoshi is discarded, seemingly wholly, into an egg. This leads some to theorize that the only things Yoshis really, actually eat are small fruits, cookies, and souls.
If Yoshis constantly make eggs, why aren’t there more Yoshis?
Yes, one would logically assume that, with such a high Yoshi egg production rate, the world would be awash in an adorable, rainbow-hued Kumbayacolypse by now. Part of the reason this isn’t so may be the Yoshis’ observable tendency to place the propagation of its species below its desire to rock the faces of Shy Guys.
Under this consideration, if you wish to find an egg that has survived long enough to become a hatchable baby Yoshi, you must search “nesting sites” where high populations of eggs may be found. Common nesting sites can be found around the Yoshis’ home island, next to pipes spewing infinite consumable creatures, and off the edges of fighting arenas.
Others theorize that most Yoshi eggs actually have nothing at all to do with reproduction, and that baby Yoshis are made through other means, such as cross-breeding with the Bow-crested Bazooka Floozie (see figure below). As we are a reputable guidebook and not a fanfic, however, we must not lend any credence to such ideas.
My Yoshi never actually says “Yoshi!” It just makes a noise like someone putting heart paddles to a vacuum cleaner. Should I be concerned?
On the contrary, you are in possession of an Old World Yoshi (tonguesnagicus prestorious). You should probably consider yourself blessed.
My Yoshi has grabbed a melon, but hasn’t swallowed it. It’s just looking at me with bulging cheeks.
Duck. You want no business with whatever’s about to come out of that Yoshi.
My Yoshi is teetering around with dilated pupils and wonky, SFX chip-enhanced effects.
Your Yoshi has Touched Fuzzy, Gotten Dizzy. Little is known regarding what prompts a Yoshi to experience hallucinogenic effects when touching sentient dandelion fluff, but symptoms will subside with time. You will then be free to steer your Yoshi straight into another Fuzzy, which you undoubtedly will. We all do. The guidebook is not here to judge.
So I accidentally lost my Yoshi into a pit while jumping!
No! Really! What do I do?
In the case of “accidental” premature mid-air departure from your Yoshi, always have the number for LLL (Lakitu Lifters and Levitators) on hand. They are also helpful should your Yoshi blow a shoe or run out of fuel/souls.
My Yoshi has sprouted wings and is hocking fireballs everywhere!
Remain calm. This is just a phase in Yoshi development, albeit a highly awkward, potentially lethal one. Assure your Yoshi that it is still a beautiful, very loved creature and that you absolutely did not mean to do any of the cruel, abandoning-in-a-pit-like acts you may have recently committed against it. We recommend making this heartfelt appeal from the relative safety of an orbiting space station.
My Yoshi has turned into a submarine/train/helicopter. Is that OK?
It’s better than OK. We even know another Yoshi owner who’d be willing to trade with you.
My Yoshi seems to have acquired a pet of its own.
Aw, that’s adorable!
It looks like this.
Ohhh, wow. Nope! Nope nope...
My Yoshi is vowing to destroy me once its father conquers the kingdom.
You’ve somehow managed to mount a saddle on a Koopaling. Please send photos.
This was a bit of fun eh? Don't forget that Yoshi's New Island for 3DS is out on 14th March in Europe and North America.