I could have been a contender

Doc Louis

Float like a Butterfinger, sting like a Bit­O­Honey

About Me: How do you like chocolate, baby? My favourite chocolate reminds me of being back in the ring. I was a prize fighter, you know. They called me Doc Chocolate, or The Chocolate Bar Kid. Or Count Chocula. I think that was me. Baby, that brings me back. I used to be a boxer. I had a dream that I was eating a chocolate bunny, but it wasn't even Easter. They say the mind plays tricks on you when you ain't had enough chocolate. Hoo­ee, I wonder if they ever will invent a chocolate you can eat while you're sleeping. Did you know astronauts don't sleep? It's always dark up there so they can't tell when it's night. Stuck with dehydrated chocolate. Baby, no thanks. Doc Chocula likes it runny. Did I mention I used to box? They told me I had to quit because I took too many blows to the head, but I don't think there have been any serious effects. Can you see that little gremlin over there, or is that just me?

Location: Manhattan

Ethnicity: One of four black men in the entire Nintendo universe

Hair: Black and proud

Eyes: Dark chocolate

Occupation: Trainer

I would like to meet: A referee who actually does his job. That old Asian guy is hitting people with a stick, for crying out loud.

I like to play the following sports: Lightning Eating. Thunder Crapping.

My exercise regime consists of: Cycling, sparring, and trying to keep that Urkel kid away from my daughter.

My favourite music: "Chocolate Rain," "The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel, "Disco Kid" by WAR, "Super Macho Man" by The Super Village People

My favourite movies: Punch­Drunk Love, On the Waterfront, Die Hard

My favourite TV shows: Soda Pop­Up Video, Glass Joe Millionaire

My dream is to: Introduce a woman to my "Nintendo Fun Club."

On a first date I'd like to: See, I've practised this a lot with my hologram simulation equipment that I can somehow afford as the manager of a struggling boxer, so I know exactly what to watch for. When your left eye twitches, that means you're about to ask me about my day. A shuffle of your feet followed by a wink means you're going to want dessert. Grabbing your purse and saying you have to use the restroom means you're tired of hearing me talk about chocolate and you're not coming back. Doc Louis is a student of human nature, baby. You ain't getting nothing past me.