Game Reviews scoring 3/10
Review Alleyway (3DS eShop / GB)
The poor man's Arkanoid
The most well-known block-breaking game, Arkanoid, became quite popular after its release in arcades in 1986. Many companies have created clones, and even to this day new low-budget ones show up all the time. Even Nintendo tried their hand at a clone with Alleyway for the Game Boy. Alleyway keeps things to the bare basics. No...
Review House, M.D. - Episode 1: Globetrotting (DSiWare)
The doctor is out
Everyone’s favourite sharp-tongued, cane-wielding, drug-addicted TV doctor has finally arrived on DSiWare in House, M.D. – Globetrotting Episode 1. In this game it is your job to join the medical team at Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital and uncover the truth behind a mysterious ailment afflicting an elderly television host...
A bad dream
Given the anaemic flow of 3DS games as of late, the mere fact that Dream Trigger 3D was a new release for the system after the initial launch caused a lot of gamers to sit up and take notice; toss in the fact that the game was a shooting title and things got even more interesting. While it looks like a wealth of unique ideas on paper,...
Review Whack-A-Friend (DSiWare)
Totally wack
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, step right up and see Whack-A-Friend, Agetec’s latest incarnation of the ever popular arcade game Whac-A-Mole! Or don’t. Either way, you won’t be missing out on much. The game starts with you choosing to either play using the picture provided, or you can use your own...
They should keep it in the Congo
Ubongo is a board game popular in continental Europe, but its video game counterpart doesn't hit the target. The mechanics of the game are simple: up to four players play simultaneously, each with their own "plate", which is a shape that must be completely covered with Tetromino-like objects; imagine Tetris...
Review Escape Trick: The Secret of Rock City Prison (DSiWare)
Far more frustrating than fun
Despite the system's unique touchscreen feature, we've seen very few point-and-click adventures for the system. Intense Games hopes to remedy that situation with the release of its mystery adventure Escape Trick: The Secret of Rock City Prison on DSiWare. Combining a story full of plot twists with point-and-click puzzle...
Review Dancing Academy (DSiWare)
Uh-oh, I’m dancing with my stylus
Tivola’s ‘Academy’ series of games is becoming a prolific presence on DSiWare. In consecutive months we've had Model Academy and Beauty Academy. These titles have targeted pre-teen girl gamers and the latest entry, Dancing Academy is no different. We’re dusting off our dancing shoes to determine whether...
My name is Hurl
Ever since David Crane and Richard Gold created Little Computer People for 8-bit computers in 1985, gamers have been fascinated with life simulation games, as demonstrated by the huge sales success of The Sims series. However, The Sims is also a series that has suffered from 'content filtering', as the PC experience has been watered...
Review Heavy Fire: Black Arms (WiiWare)
Kill 'em all
Remember Heavy Fire: Special Operations, that on-rails military shooter that was kind of not good at all? Well, it got a sequel. Don't ask us how, but somehow it convinced enough people to plunk down their cash to be worth another go for developer Teyon. While it does delight us to say that there have indeed been a few tweaks for the...
Review Cricket Challenge (WiiWare)
Cricket hits the streets! Uh, sort of…
When the Nintendo Wii and the Wii Remote were unveiled, a lot of sporty gamers thought of one thing: Wii Cricket. Unfortunately, despite online petitions and campaigns in the system's early years, the perfect cricket experience on the console hasn't been forthcoming, even with the addition of MotionPlus in...
Steeeeeeerrrrrike three!
Say what you will about Hudson's Deca Sports series... it at least keeps trying to get things right. Each release makes at least some small attempt at forging the way forward, whether it's something as simple as a refined gaming experience or a complete reimagining on a totally different platform. We've had two prior...
Review Violin Paradise (WiiWare)
Oy vey Maria
Hey, kids! Have you ever dreamed of being a professional violinist? Of feeling the stagnant air of a concert hall in your hair as you perform selections from Swan Lake with a string quartet composed entirely of your closest friends? Of screeching your way thanklessly through Ave Maria before an audience of nearly a dozen, most of...
Review Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole (DS)
Ga'Hoo would torture themselves with this?
TV and movie tie-in games are relatively synonymous with tedious, uninspired titles rushed to release to fool the poorly informed. Rather than clever game design, effort goes toward getting the game onto store shelves in time for box office hype to drive sales. Still, some of us try to remain optimistic,...
Review Jam Space: PocketStudio (DSiWare)
Dance club calibre headaches without the fun
Among the applications that have made it to DSiWare so far is a handful of music mixing and writing programs, none of which are particularly bad. From the mighty Rytmik and its rockin' follow-up to the slightly more basic but still solid Rhythm Core Alpha, DJs on the go have had their fair share of...
Toilet paper edition
A pen and a sheet of paper. Are there any two instruments on the face of the planet more conducive to unrestrained creativity? Think about it. Take a moment to consider all of the things you can do with either one. Think about the worlds that you can sketch out, or write about; think of the games you can play, think about...
Review Just Sing! Christmas Vol. 2 (DSiWare)
Another lump of coal for this year's stockings
Last Christmas, the European DSiWare service received the karaoke title Just Sing! Christmas Songs. As you might expect, it featured a Christmas theme and asked you to sing along, but it only included two songs and proved itself as nothing more than a waste of time. Sadly, Just Sing! Christmas Vol. 2 is...
Own goal
Icon Games haven't had a good track record with WiiWare games so far, with poor attempts in the form of Stunt Cars and Arcade Sports. This time around, they've attempted to combine one of the world's biggest sports, football (or soccer), with the classic brick-breaking arcade game Breakout, resulting in Soccer Bashi. So is this third time...
Jedi school dropout
Originally released to arcades in 1984, Space Ace sought to recapture the magic of its predecessor, Dragon's Lair. And by "magic" we mean "ability to eat money." Gameplay was not high on the list of priorities for the team that designed these games, but flashy presentation certainly was. As a result, we are...
Review Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I (Wii)
Worthy of a life-long Azkaban sentence
Without doubt, Harry Potter has become a huge cultural phenomenon over the last decade. The series, created by J.K Rowling, spanned seven main books and a successful set of films set around the various adventures of the wizard Harry Potter and his best friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, students at...
FacePalm
We really hope people don't judge the Wii RemotePlus based solely on this, because it's really capable of so much more. FlingSmash is a take on the paddle-and-ball genre that has you assuming the role of Zip, a dull yellow dot creature. Your mission is to liberate Suthon Island from a bad guy named Omminus and yes, the entire story uses...
Ruff
Playing fetch is a great way to bond with a canine companion. There's nothing like going to the park on a nice summer day and tossing a ball for your favorite four legged friend. When you first hear of a DSiWare release based on this you might imagine that you'll be guiding a puppy along with the stylus, avoiding obstacles and retrieving balls...
Review Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit (Wii)
Crash and burn
Until last year, the Need For Speed series on Wii was synonymous with crap from day one. And while Need For Speed: Nitro had its issues, it at least showed that EA’s heart was in the right place: instead of trying to shoehorn a game developed for HD platforms onto the Wii’s lesser hardware to the benefit of no one, it went out and...
Review Adventure In Vegas: Slot Machine (DSiWare)
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!
There's a reason slot machines are successful: they tease the player with the chance of winning it big. The idea that you can walk in to a casino with only a few pennies to your name and walk out a rich man has enticed people for decades, and the game remains a staple at nearly every casino in existence. Once...
Review Racers' Islands: Crazy Arenas (WiiWare)
Racers' Islands is back to drive you mad
Crazy Arenas is the second in the Racers’ Island series of WiiWare games, and this time around, it takes the form of five multiplayer battle mini-games for you to compete in with your friends and enemies. Even the most cold-hearted person, however, wouldn’t wish this much tedium on another human being...
Review Goosebumps HorrorLand (Wii)
Horribleland
In 1996, Dreamworks released a computer game called Goosebumps: Escape from Horrorland, a fun point-and-click adventure that revolved around story elements and puzzle solving. Perhaps you can excuse us then for hoping that Goosebumps HorrorLand would be something similar, or anything more intriguing than the collection of carnival-style...
Review Triple Throwing Sports (WiiWare)
It’s not hammer time and it never will be
Please have your Wii Remote and Nunchuk handy. You’ll need them to read this review. Ready? Okay, first, begin by spinning the Nunchuk around in a circular motion. Any direction will do, just spin it really fast, then faster still. Then, when the time is right, press the B button. Are you with us so far?...
Review Heavy Fire: Special Operations (WiiWare)
Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-buyer's remorse
There’s certainly no lack of lightgun games on Wii; in fact, one of the more vocal complaints about Wii shooters is that too many of them are on-rails. It’s a silly thing to complain about given the dearth of them in previous console generations and the relatively high quality of the Wii’s...
Impurrrfect
There once was a time when all that one could expect from a virtual pet was to feed it and play with it when it beeped. We've come a long way and should now expect a lot more, having moved on from imaginary digital creatures to real animals. Certainly a kitten simulator should simulate the behaviour of a kitten. It should be good enough...
Party pooper
Enjoy Gaming’s Cruise Party is a collection of four gambling games: video poker, blackjack, roulette and slots. In Video Poker, each player’s five-card hand is visible to all, with the exception of the Bank’s hand, of which you are only privy to one card. Your one and only goal is to wager whether your hand will be better than the...
Review Reel Fishing Challenge II (WiiWare)
Hook, line and stinker
Reel Fishing Challenge II is, by definition, the follow-up to Reel Fishing Challenge that hit WiiWare last year and as such is basically just more of the same. Fans of staring at full-motion video backgrounds and boring, lame fishing mechanics, rejoice! Everything about it just feels lazy, and the fact that it's essentially a...
