by Sector Y
Pilot: FALCO (George) Gunner: FOX (Josh)
Missiles are hurtling toward the Great Fox! It’s our job to stop them before they take down the mothership. This sense of urgency is what we live for in Star Fox.
I’m also feeling very confident at this point, declaring I’ve got "mad skills" as I line Josh up to blast away the missile sections. Then all of a sudden, my health is nearly gone.
George: What?! What happened?
Jon: Are you dead?
Josh: I think you stayed too close to the missiles.
George: Oh no!
Josh: Get those rings.
George: I’m on it. Wait. No. NO! Don’t take the camera away from me, I have just missed everything!
Jon: Mad skills.
Weaponised my own words. It stings. We do eventually find a ring and methodically rip through all the remaining projectiles at a cracking pace, taking the last one down by the skin of our teeth to achieve a coveted Mission Accomplished.
It’s a short level, but a great one. Jon and Josh disagree, but All-Range Mode is always my favourite.
Fichina
Pilot: FOX (Josh) Gunner: SLIPPY (Jon)
A favourite of Jon’s, this. All-range mode with the Walker and Arwing and Landmaster, as well as Star Wolf back in the picture? Yes please!
George: Oh Leon. It’s so strange to have individual battles with Star Wolf members.
Josh: Come on, Jon, hit it.
Jon: I can’t see anything.
George: Yeah Jon, shoot him, he’s only directly behind you.
There’s nice mechanics at play in this battle. With big spider walkers that you have to shoot from below to flip round, then hover to finish off or vice versa. A great use of the GamePad.
Fichina is definitely a planet we’re looking forward to seeing in the remake, too. Of all the locations visited so far, it’s probably the roughest to look back on now - those icy fields will be splendid on Switch 2. Eventually a supersized arachnid mech rears its head.
Falco: Do you think it’s the mothership?
George: Honestly, why is Falco so thick in this game? ‘Do you think that’s the mothership?' Obviously, Falco.
Josh: Damn, he’s extra thicc in this one.
George: Oh dear.
Turns out we’re all pretty thirsty where Star Fox is concerned.
The fight here is pretty intense and involves solid co-operation to get above, below, and strafe round to find leg joints to hit. It’s easily the most in-depth fight so far where teamwork is involved - genuine hush and concentration has fallen and honestly it’s impressive to watch Jon and Josh pull it off. We’re definitely getting to the sharp end of the campaign.
Sector Omega
Pilot: FALCO (George) Gunner: FOX (Josh)
We all find ourselves humming along to the triumphant music between levels and love for the series starts to swell up in our chests. I’m full of praise for the team for keeping all of our lives intact, and Jon thinks co-op will help on this level as it’s the speedy one and dodging in solo is tricky.
It certainly is intense. Hitting the brakes barely stops you as you’re hurtling through a field of debris. I’m gritting my teeth as I roll and dodge, and Josh is wincing every time he thinks we’re about to get crushed. Health is rapidly depleting as the Arwing clips its surroundings.
George: This is so hard to do outside of the cockpit. They’ve obviously made this level with the cockpit view in mind.
Jon: They have. This is totally the level where you can tell PlatinumGames has made this game.
It’s happened. We crash out. Why did I have to open my big mouth before?
George: Our first death, guys. I’m so sorry. It’s so hard to get through the gates.
Josh: Wait, what happened to all the extra lives we’ve been getting?
Jon: Oh, what?
George: Is that because we have to go in and out of the levels for multiplayer?
Jon: I think it actually is! That’s crazy.
The pressure ratchets up with this realisation. There is precious little room for error as we move through the final phase of the game; we become absolutely laser-focused and make it through on the next attempt.
A remix of a familiar foe rounds the level off and we cheer loudly before heading off for the final assault. But what’s this? Venom has…disappeared?
Corneria 2
Pilot: SLIPPY (Jon) Gunner: FALCO (George)
A great twist, this, we had all completely forgotten about the return to Corneria. The change in its environment as the war has progressed is great visual storytelling, a red hue hanging over it as imposing Venomian ships roam the skies. Jon is causing havoc, boosting, braking and weaving at will.
George: Jon, what are you doing?
Jon: Just shoot.
George: But what am I shooting at?
Jon: Just shoot.
George: What am I shooting at? WHAT AM I SHOOTING AT?
Teamwork is fully out of the window; we are stumbling through, just shooting whatever we can.
It’s not looking too bad until a portal opens up and kidnaps General Pepper, before dropping…
ALL: THE GIGARILLA!
Josh: Yeah, why did we save the Gigarilla? It’s clearly an Andross thing.
Now, you remember me saying the Gigarilla became our nemesis? Strap in.
George: What am I meant to be doing?
Josh: Shoot the big red thing on his chest.
George: Doesn’t seem to do anything.
Josh: Maybe you can hack him from behind like before.
Jon: Yeah, shoot him in the ass.
The Gigarilla absolutely smashes us with his mighty fists.
ALL: OHHH!
Jon: Damn, he did not like you touching him there.
George: Get some rings! Chicken-walk into that building!
Jon: What? Where?
Josh: No, that’s not the entrance!
Jon: I don’t know where I’m going!
George: JUST LIVE.
We do not live. Death is immediate and pretty frightening - the speed of the boss and camera faff leave us reeling.
We go again, and again the Gigarilla obliterates us. Attempt number three and we have not been this quiet the entire night - the only speech is clear, concise instructions.
We get a little further, finally, and all that is required is for Jon to land us on a platform just above the Gigarilla’s backside.
Josh: Hack his ass!
George: Oh no! WATCH OUT!
Jon: What? He moves!
Jon just cannot hit the platform and the life counter is getting dangerous. We swap the controls out; as Falco I accept the responsibility of landing while Josh takes the guns. We have to make it on this run.
Silence. Beads of sweat. I gently steer the Arwing, relying on instructions from Josh, and then, we triumphantly transform just above the platform.
George: DEPLOY ME!
The Gigarilla is hacked and the job is done. Breathe. Just Venom left.
Venom
Pilot: FOX (Josh) Gunner: FALCO (George)
General Pepper fills us in on the Andross story - essentially telling us that when Andross wanted to use the technology he helped create, they decided to teleport him to another dimension. The dissipating tension from the previous level allows us to poke fun at this.
George: Oh my god, none of this is his fault! You exiled him and he went mad.
Josh: "Err, it was entirely James’ idea."
George: "And you can’t check with him because he’s dead."
Jon: I’m on Andross’ side right now.
Pepper: Will you help us?
George: No, you dictator. You can’t just teleport someone away because you think they’ve gone ‘mad with power’.
Josh: "He asked for higher wages, and to pay less tax."
George: "So I teleported him to another dimension."
Jon: Do you think he does that for everyone?
George: "My wife wouldn’t cook meatloaf, so I teleported her to another dimension."
This is Zero’s Death Star moment. At least it should be. We’re too busy chuckling about Pepper’s maniacal streak. Star Wolf turns up and the mirth continues, suggesting story beats could happen during the slow-motion passes of the ships.
George: Whoosh. "I never felt love as a child."
Josh: Whoosh. "I asked to be paid, so Pepper sent me to another dimension."
The Wolfens transform into their Wolf mode to draw us to the surface and our little Chicken Walker waddles around taking them down. We just cannot hold it together, collapsing into fits of giggles at the slightest provocation. I can’t help but feel like it would’ve been better to have this final battle confined to the skies, but we appreciate something new, too.
One mazy run later and it’s the final showdown with Andross. And, fittingly, the camera is at its most malicious in this one. A full side-on view for the pilot while outside of Andross’ central chamber, weaving up and down while columns of energy rotate round at high speed, wrecking the ship.
We work our way in, hanging on by a thread, then all scream together as the chamber we’ve infiltrated fills with energy and forces us back out to the rotating hell scape. We crash out and go again, Jon hopping on to fly while I stay on the guns.
James: Trust your view from the cockpit, Fox.
George: I’m not bloody flying it, Dad.
Jon: And I can’t actually see out of the cockpit!
The same result; those rotating columns catch us out. It’s starting to feel impossible in multiplayer without the cockpit view. One last roll of the dice. I rotate to pilot and Josh takes the guns. Still feeling confident from the Gigarilla, I assure him I’ve got this.
We start to talk a bit more, tactical information flowing once again. I ask to know how close I am to the platforms to enter the chamber and to yell when I need to duck or dive past those rotating beams that keep catching us. I’m going full Anakin Skywalker, yelling “It’s working!” as I jam on the throttle.
We get to the final form, chicken-walking and boosting around the chamber at lightning speed, hands on autopilot, all eyes firmly fixed on the action. Shot by shot, dodge by dodge, our patience never wavering, we finally take down that big, bulbous head. We celebrate.
We forgot about the self-destruct bit.
I cannot possibly repeat how many swears we then yell as we sprint to the exit - I’m now piloting completely facing the Arwing, left is right and right is left, it is CHAOS.
But it’s raucous, joyous chaos. "Go, go go!" Somehow, flying virtually blind, somehow we escape. It’s over. We emerge into the skies, the heroes of Lylat once again - triumphant as a team. I cannot say for certain that there weren’t any tears.
Epilogue
So what did we learn? Well, Star Fox is an endlessly quotable series, an absolute blast to complete, and Zero can sit proudly amongst its brothers as a game that is exhausting and exhilarating and definitely not built with multiplayer in mind - but that just adds to the experience. We laughed, shouted, celebrated the wins and felt the lows.
Nintendo really wanted to do something bold with this reimagining, to mix up the formula and lean into its space-opera nature. The cinematic visuals are part and parcel of this, and though this almost broke the co-op, it makes for a great watch. The latest Starfox will surely fix this with gameplay placed firmly behind the player, but will it bring that same level of madness? The sheer panic of steering blind or being compelled to shoot at things you literally aren’t being pointed toward. That’s what Zero brings.
I hope it doesn’t get completely forgotten when the ‘new’ one barrel rolls around in a couple of weeks. It has its faults, but there’s a game full of heart in there.
And if you take anything away from this tale, just remember that Jon Cartwright cannot land a chicken on a gorilla’s backside if the solar system depended on it.
