Feature: "Why Is Falco So Thick In This Game?" - Lost In Space With Star Fox Zero

With the return of Team Star Fox imminently upon us, folks are feeling pretty torn about the series retreading old ground instead of forging a new chapter in Nintendo’s long-running rail shooter.

And while that may be disappointing to some, there are at least a few interesting additions to the original N64 title beyond its glossy new coat of paint - challenge mode, multiplayer dogfights, filtering our faces in real time to look as handsome as Pigma, and one that particularly caught our attention, multiplayer.

Or more specifically, multiplayer options for the campaign. Yes, you can now team up with a friend during the titular Lylat Wars, one piloting the Arwing while the other takes aim with the lasers - but this isn’t the first time the series has included this.

We saw a little more about it in Nintendo’s recent Treehouse, but to give us a hands-on idea of what may lie ahead, we gathered three ace pilots to soar through the skies of Corneria and beyond, take down Andross on his Venomian base, and save the day. No, not on the SNES. Or the N64. Or the 3DS. Or the upcoming Switch title. We are diving into Star Fox Zero on the Wii U.

R.O.B. - fire up the jets, it’s time to scramble.

Meet the crew

But who are the pilots brave enough to take on this most daring of feats? Alongside myself (George), we have drafted in former Nintendo Life ace and Good Vibes Gamer Jon Cartwright and, from Source Gaming, the cool-headed Josh Goldie.

Teamwork and communication are going to be key for this journey, one feels, so we begin with a simple question to get the ball rolling while taking a little jaunt through the training stage:

George: Right, who is each member of the Starfox team out of the three of us?
Jon: I would like to be Grippy Toad.
George: Grippy is not a member of the Starfox team. But if you’re self-volunteering for Slippy, I’m not going to hold you back.
Jon: I really want to be Grippy.
George: I mean, doesn’t everybody want to be Falco?
Josh: I’d rather be Fox than Falco.
George: I’m not going to fight you on that if I can be Falco. So Jon, just to be clear, are you self-volunteering to be Slippy Toad?
Jon: No, I said Grippy Toad.
George: I don’t care. And you’ve been as annoying answering this question as Slippy is in general, so I think it’s warranted.
Jon: Oh no, they wanted me to follow each pilot individually, but I’ve just been shooting at Falco the whole time.
George: Incredible.

In terms of being on the same page, the conversation to simply select a character for ourselves took longer than five minutes. This does not bode well.

Fuelled up on Chinese Takeaway, a few beers (non-alcoholic for me - don’t drink and fly, kids), and a rose-tinted thought or two spared for the criminally overlooked companion game Star Fox Guard, we gear up and head to the stars.

Corneria

Pilot: SLIPPY (Jon) Gunner: FOX (Josh)

Our first stop on our mission to win back Lylat, and the series’ most iconic location. The intro cutscene is pretty, too, with the Great Fox in orbit flanked by the team before they plunge through the atmosphere.

It feels a little early in the evening for this to come up, but admiring these visuals steers us into conversation about visuals of a different kind.

George: Love the Great Fox. That’s one thing I didn’t like about Command - the redesign is abysmal. Just one big landing platform.
Josh: Yeah, because it got destroyed, didn’t it.
Jon: Oh, that’s right - that’s continuity!
Josh: I think that’s why some people are annoyed about it going back, with this and the new one. You’re missing out on that and some great characters. Krystal. Panther.
George: Ooh - Panther Caroso. I mean, do we dare have the discussion this early? Who’s the sexiest Star Fox character?
Jon: It’s either Panther or Krystal.
George: It is either Panther or Krystal. They would make beautiful children. So, who is pilot and who is gunner?

The game is solo by default, and setting up multiplayer is pretty opaque. Utter disbelief takes the form of laughter as we discover you need to start a level, then immediately exit to the stage select screen and select the level to trigger the co-op option. Classic Nintendo.

I’m so confused about Corneria. Is it a functioning city? Look at that massive door gate thing. Why is it there?

But we are finally ready, and for the first time a slightly concentrated hush descends among us as the music kicks in, punctuated by the thud of laser fire hitting target. We aren’t even beyond the water when the first wrinkle in this operation becomes apparent.

Jon: Huh. So whenever I move, it’s going to throw off your aim a little bit.
Josh: It really is.
Jon: I’ll try and stay still unless there’s incoming shots.
George: What a thrilling first-player experience. Just staying as still as possible. Are you going to go through the arch?
Josh: Yes.
Jon: Nah.
Josh: My Pilot says no. This is just terrifying. I never know if I’m about to smack into a wall.
George: I’m so confused about Corneria. Is it a functioning city? Look at that massive door gate thing. Why is it there? I wonder if it’ll be more realistic in the new one, given everything else is?

Despite the teething problems, things are going well. Jon scoops up a medal or two and Josh is a pretty accurate gunner, locking on and racking up multipliers.

Jon points out we can’t go through the waterfall on this run as we’d need the Arwing’s ‘Chicken Walker’ transformation, which can only be accessed after completing the level for the first time. There’s a lot of seemingly arbitrary retracing in this game to open up new routes and we’re looking forward to the slightly more direct approach that the 64 remake will bring. Hit a certain criteria, unlock a route. Simple.

George: Jon, how are you finding the thrill of just piloting?
Jon: You know what, I like it? You’re putting your trust in someone else.
Josh: Same here!
George: Josh is definitely the most focused of the two of you.
Jon: I’m still pretty much trying not to move when possible.
Josh: When you barrel roll it doesn’t actually affect me.
Jon: Oh, really? How about this?

The Arwing pulls into a somersault, with Josh chastising Jon while he cackles. But going into the all-range ending makes things tricky, as the camera on the television screen — the one the pilot is using — starts to shift to cinematic perspectives, leaving Jon to guess where he’s flying.

Jon: Oh no! It’s stuck the camera to a really bad perspective for me. It’s doing that cinematic thing.
Josh: Why have you flipped around?
Jon: Because I can’t see anything!
Josh: Jon, we're going to crash!
Jon: I CAN’T SEE!

Jon is truly at the whims of the game’s cinematic camera. It’s to the side, panning round, literally looking at the front of the Arwing. Jon nearly crashes out on level one due to this, drawing hoots of derision from us. Surely it can’t be that hard.

Sector Alpha

Pilot: FALCO (George) Gunner: SLIPPY (Jon)

Something peculiar happens as I take the controls for this cosmic dogfight. The Arwing is just floating along, totally ignoring me.

George: Oh my god, I’m not moving? ‘Do a barrel roll?’ - yeah, I’m trying to do a barrel roll!
Jon: Everything okay? Oh, it’s one-player again! Oh NO!
Josh: Oh, that’s so bad.
George: Oh, for goodness' sake! I thought I wasn’t doing anything.
Jon: Amazing.

We hop out of the level, select multiplayer, then hop back in. We will need to do this for every level. Nintendo, we love you, but why are you like this?

Impersonations and quotes are flying around now, classics including "I can’t let you do that, Starfox," and "Uncle Androooooos" - I hope these all return, and I also confess my desire for the return of Lylat speech. It’s missing from the demo and I want to watch those beautiful cutscenes in gibberish.

George: Oh, was that Bill Grey?
Jon: I think it was.
George: You know what, Bill Grey can get it. He’s pretty sexy, too.
Jon: Has another human being ever said that, do you think?
George: He’s one of my favourite auxiliary characters - great backstory. And yes.

Piloting without the GamePad certainly is harder to steer than it seems; even the basics like gathering items is proving problematic. I’ve not had to tangle with the dynamic camera yet, but everything just feels a bit slippery as I move across space.

We’re just about getting the hang of it when we board the enemy ship and are graced with the first instance of the Chicken Walker. Jon and I both immediately recoil - this is not made for two. Its frantic pacing means we can barely hit a single enemy, but, more through luck than skill, we reach the ship's core intact. Things go from bad to worse.

Jon: No! Every time you move, I can’t see what I’m meant to hit.
George: This is absolutely horrendous. I’ll try and stay still.
Jon: Please stay still!
George: I’M TRYING! Oh, hang on, I can transform?
Josh: Noooo!!
Jon: I don’t know about this.

Arwing activated. Smash into the core. Smash into the walls. My bad. Our health bar has been decimated.

George: That’s even worse.
Jon: If you hold 'ZL', can you strafe around without moving the camera?
George: Ah! Oh, that’s better.
Josh: It’s almost like it’s what the developers intended.

The little pivot and side hop of the Chicken Walker has us absolutely howling. It is possibly the least threatening version of the Arwing we have ever laid eyes on.

We muse briefly about how well the game still holds up visually, despite the incoming drastic shift in art direction, and the joys of asymmetric gameplay. Not just visually but through audio, too - with sounds emanating from the GamePad or Wiimote adding that extra layer of immersion. The HD Rumble in Joy-Con 2 can emit sounds, right?

Area 3 & Zoness

Pilot: FOX (Josh) Gunner: FALCO (George)

As General Pepper briefs us on our next skirmish, we are treated to our first view of the Gigarilla, who is giving off serious Robo DK vibes from Mario Kart World. We poke fun at him for this, unaware of the sheer pain this machine would later cause us.

We start with an all-range mode battle with more dynamic cameras. And Slippy in trouble, of course.

This level is longer than anything else I’ve ever experienced.

I am hollering instructions at Josh as I try to down at least 30 fighters — "Brake!" "Go left!" "FLIP!" — before Josh gently reminds me that he’s the pilot. Backseat flying, absolutely shameful.

It only gets worse as Pigma then bursts onto the scene and Josh tries to hunt him down while pulling off evasive manoeuvres.

George: You know what, I forgot how hot Pigma is as well.
Jon: I’m always saying this.
Josh: You can just lock on, right?
George: No, I can’t see him!
Josh: Oh, he’s behind me.
George: I literally can’t see anything.
Josh: I’ll try and stay behind them as best as I can.
George: Oh god, this constant flipping is making me feel a bit sick.
Josh: Don’t shoot Peppy!
George: I’m not trying to!

There’s a brief interlude in the Chicken Walker — and duo control feels like Josh and I are fighting each other as much as we are Andross’ forces at this point — before finally jumping into the Gyrowing. The game informs us that it’s "AI-equipped". As if we didn’t hate it enough already.

Jon: The Gyrowing is the worst part. There’s plenty I will defend about this game, but the Gyrowing is not one of them.

This section is tedious, gently hovering around while deploying the miniature blue robot Direct-i to hack into some computers. It is the game's first real misstep, flatlining the pacing and any tension. Silver lining: the multiplayer aspect is the easiest to navigate without perpetual movement. And I very much enjoyed shouting "Deploy me!" whenever the moment called.

Direct-i is chiming in every so often as we get to work making sure we gain custody of the Gigarilla while painfully slow enemies trudge toward us.

Direct-i: Operating system activated!

George: Ooh, that’s a bad voice.
Jon: How do you want him to sound?
George: Like R.O.B., I guess?
Jon: God, the stakes really could not be lower right now.
Josh: But they’re trying to stop us getting the Gigarilla!
Jon: Very slowly.
George: I have not seen a slower heist in my life.

That was a slog - and there’s still more Gyrowing to come on Zoness.

Jon refuses to pilot the monstrosity, so it’s the same team and the slower pace allows us to posit what each character would sound like with British accents, firmly landing on Slippy as a high pitched Victorian upper class child, Falco as a scouser, while Peppy is from the West Country (try saying "You’re becoming more like your father" in a strong Bristolian accent. It is sublime.) We try out some more quotes in these voices until a fan favourite turns up.

George: Deploy me!

Direct-i: Lock deactivated!

George: I CANNOT STAND THIS VOICE. It’s like a mix of Martin and Milhouse from The Simpsons.

Katt: Oh, you’re music to my ears.

George: Katt Monroe!
Jon & Josh: Hooray!
George: How do we feel about Katt Monroe?
Josh: She’s changed designs like three times.
Jon: She is a top four.
Josh: What, Katt, Krystal, Miya, and Fay? That’s your four?
George: That’s Jon’s list.
Jon: Panther’s in there, too.
George: I like Katt. I like that she’s a badass that does her own thing, the new design is perfect for that. Oh, you need to dangle me! Deploy me.
Josh: I’m just waiting for the lasers.
Jon: This level is longer than anything else I’ve ever experienced.
George: Jon has been off for a very long time.

The gruelling slog is finally over. And though multiplayer was at its easiest here, we are thrilled that the Gyrocopter will not be returning in the next entry.

Sector Beta

Pilot: SLIPPY (Jon) Gunner: FALCO (George)

Tearing through dreadnoughts in space in an all-range dogfight. This is more like it. And Bill returns, too (we decide he’s Scottish).

We were surprised by some frame rate drops as the enemies bit the dust, but it doesn’t detract from my enjoyment of mowing down as many enemies as possible. I point out that we are pretty low on health and ‘politely’ remind Jon that I cannot avoid laser fire. This is met with a "meh", a pretty casual attitude when faced with some humongous cannons that can cause insta-death. Pray for me.

A cheer goes up as we break through the enemy barriers and somehow set a new course record. We really feel like a team at this point, beautifully dysfunctional while getting the job done - but it’s time for a sterner test as Team Star Wolf arrives.

The game really excels in these moments and looks so stylish on the big screen, particularly the slow-motion exchanges when passing close by the enemy, although this cinematic style throws up the same multiplayer issues for us.

George: Tell me where to shoot. Just tell me left or right!
Josh: (Looking at the GamePad I’m holding) Jon, there’s a medal right in front of you.
Jon: (Trying to essentially pilot backwards) Where?
Josh: Right. No, right right!
Jon: I’m pressing right!

But he’s flying left. We are just all yelling all the time throughout this - laser fire, directions, it doesn’t matter. It’s a glorious cacophony.

But tragically, Peppy is downed as the battle winds up.

Titania

Pilot: SLIPPY (Jon) Gunner: FALCO (George)

The Landmaster is here! And it’s quickly unanimously agreed upon as the best non-Arwing vehicle. As we roll and hover across the shifting sand, talk turns to what we would’ve liked to see had the upcoming entry not been a remake.

Jon: Panther.
George: Panther, of course. No Andross for me. I liked the Anglar Empire and the Aparoids - they felt like a genuine threat. Give us something new.
Josh: I liked the different ships in Command. I think individual ships with different abilities would’ve been great.
Jon: People think of Fox as being on foot, Adventures-style because that’s what they see of him in Smash, but the game sort of half does that with the Chicken Walker sections and it lacks pacing. The Landmaster feels much better. I would’ve liked full co-op. Each person being one pilot as you go through each level.
George: YES!

The Landmaster really does feel great - I’m having a blast absolutely bulldozing everything in its path. And the boss fight is relatively painless, too, battering the not-so-subtle, huge glowing balls of a massive mechanical snake. The bosses are a highlight of this title, even if the weak spots are as obvious as ever.

Head to page two to see how Fox and Falco get on in Sector Y, and beyond...