"Touch grass" has become the rallying cry for angry people on the internet, and it's most often levelled at gamers. It's shorthand for "go outside", or simply "oh my god the thing you're complaining about is SO TERMINALLY ONLINE that you really should go and do something that isn't sitting at your computer yelling at strangers on the internet". It's sort of like saying "calm down", but much more evocative: We really all should go outside more, shouldn't we?
YouTuber and Twitch streamer j0rts, who appears to be some kind of duck, spends most of his videos doing strange and "mostly pointless things", as he himself puts it. This includes playing Mario Kart with only his eyes, beating Super Mario 64 at 400% speed, and trying to complete the Great Deku Tree dungeon without ever turning left.
J0rts' latest project is the gamer's dream: Touching grass as fast as possible in every single Mario game. Most games take mere seconds, although it takes almost two minutes to find the first grass in Super Mario Bros., and over three and a half minutes in Yoshi's Island. The longest by far is Super Mario Sunshine, which takes a ludicrous 7 minutes, mostly because it's all cutscenes.
J0rts set up some ground rules (hahaha, ground rules) for the grass-touching — it has to be active, i.e. it can't be during a cutscene, and it has to be green, and on the ground, so bushes don't count, and neither does the black grass at the start of Super Mario Odyssey.
You're probably wondering which game is the fastest to get that grass touched, aren't you? Surprisingly, it's Super Mario Land 2, with just 6.34 seconds of non-grass-related activities before Mario gets his mitts on that green stuff.
So, now you know. If you get told to touch grass, just boot up Super Mario Land 2, and you'll have fistfuls of turf in no time.
The man did the complete opposite of what the phrase was supposed to mean, in style.
This is quite an accomplishment for a duck.
Touch Grass speedrun, any%
Someone has to say it.
Was there demand for this? Not everything that can be made into a meme needs to be made into reality.
"The grass feels like pants"
@sketchturner He most likely thought it would be a fun thing to do so I don't really get why someone would complain about that? Does it hurt you that he did that speedrun?
you must be a load of fun at parties 🎊
touching-lava speedrun when?
Lol just thinking of a duck in jorts now. Crazy kids
Sorry for being a stick in the mud. I enjoy a good speedrun, but the appeal of this is completely lost on me. Oh well.
Hoe did he know the grass was green in Super Mario Land 2?
Ha! Bending his own rules
@Tober On an OG game boy screen everything is green. So technically no?
Oh. All this time I thought "touch grass" meant "light one up and chill."
@Tober the super game boy might tell
He missed TONS of grass, didn't even play Hotel Mario, Mario All Stars, I Am a Teacher: Super Mario Sweater, Lost Levels, Mario Kart, or Mario is Missing, to name a few. He still needs to touch grass!
This is why the Internet exists.
Touching grass is a great idea. It's nice to find things to keep your games interesting.
The irony of this endeavor is as lush as the grass being touched.
what did I just watch
But can he beat every Mario game without touching grass?
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