Topic: Nintendo Corrupt-A-Wish

Granted, but it's the most gimmicky gameplay segment Nintendo has ever come up with. You use motion controls to steer, and you have to sense where the eruptions are coming from using the HD rumble. And you have to do it while walking forward in portable mode. You shoot lasers by unclicking and clicking the joy-cons, and you finish by tapping your $80 giant-island-turtle-mount amiibo. And its unskipable, and you have to do it perfectly.

I wish the Switch was backwards-compatible with every Nintendo home and handheld console before it.

If that happened, I would devote myself to becoming a Breath of the Wild speedrunner. Feed me.

Granted — and they're all cross-buy going back to Game & Watch — but this literally happens:

https://twitter.com/Babylonian/status/823263626203009024

I wish I could stop wishing for Zelda.

Granted, now you have to wish for pokemon.

I wish for The Stanley Parable, Undertale, Star Wars: Battlefront (ALL OF THEM), The Dark Souls Trilogy, and Super Mario Maker to be ported to the Switch.

Granted, but they're all mashed into one glitchy, unplayable mess of a game.

I wish the Switch didn't have paid online.

Ok. The online is 5x slower than the Wii U's.

I wish for Nintendo switch to have a good main series Pokémon game come out 2017.

Granted, it's White Version 3. No black version for whatever reason, but there is a Garbodor baby pokemon, Alolan form, and two mega evolutions for each of the final forms — four times the garbage!

I wish Breath of the Wild's shrines would literally just be Skyrim's dungeons, but in a Zelda world. (For you cretins who haven't played TES V, that's Nordic ruins with draugr and mages; caves with spiders, saber cats, and bears; fortresses with Stormcloak, Imperial, and Forsworn soldiers or just bandits; and labyrinthine underground Dwemer ruins with Falmer and Dwemer animunculi. Oh, and the planes of Oblivion.)

Granted. Nintendo gets sued for copyright infringement, and has to cancel the project.

I wish I could think of a good Nintendo wish, and then wish for something even better.

Granted, you wish for (Super) Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door-style recipes in every game. But with Nintendo you will always be wishing for something better

I wish Zelda has killable Goron and Zora NPCs with unique attack animations, weapons, abilities, etc. Cuccos are not enough.

Granted, but it's all in the Zelda GTA game that Rockstar has made for the Switch, and Nintendo decides to stop making the Zelda games in their style in favor of Rockstars' design.

I wish I can date the moon from Majora's Mask.

Granted. I hope you like being consumed... unless you're into that sort of thing? Also, I gotta warn you, his nose isn't as big as the magazines would have you believe.

I wish A Link Between Worlds wasn't a top-down perspective game.

Granted, but it becomes a bottom-up perspective game. All those stinky feet and ugly chins...ugh! And also, because of the angle, it's now rated M/PEGI 18. (I'll leave your mind to that one)

I wish that the Oracle games would be remastered for the Nintendo Switch.

Ok. They are full price and incredibly slow and glitchy to the point of almost being unplayable.

I wish for switch to get switch sports.

Granted, it has one sport: curling

I wish I had more snow days.

You have them, but that means you have to go to school/work when you want to be on vacation. Even on your birthday.

I wish for arms to get a pair of joy con bundle for $80

Granted. Your arms are now permanently bundled with joy-cons that won't come off. Worth the $80 bucks, right?

I wish I could play all of my Wii U/3DS download games on the Switch.

Ok, you can play all your Wii U and 3ds games on your light switch with 40p display.

Okay, eternal oblivion to you too.

I wish I didn't have the attention span of a goldfish.

You have the internal strength to avoid Zelda spoilers, but you'll be wicked bored for the next week.

In Breath of the Wild, I wish lightning (arrows) would electrify water, ice would freeze it into icebergs in the style of Ocarina's Ice Cavern, and fire would extinguish and make it steam.

Granted. Each arrow requires a different color joycon, and you can only use each joycon once. Enjoy!

I wish to get all the switch launch games for free

Granted, but only because your delivery man tripped and mildly concussed you with your new Nintendo Switch (tm) package.

I wish I knew down to the minute when my Switch would arrive from Best Buy on the 2nd or 3rd.