Twilight_Crow: What? You have only two free days on my vacationing week, then a week on vacation when i already returned to school? Wow...
Big Mac: Your desing for the WeLoveFine contest is AWESOME! i couldn't find a single flaw and i tried very hard! That entry is very strong, for sure! I wish you the best! I especially love the lines on the design, they give a very vintage feeling.
Aqueous: Hey... I heard you will be online less for some reason... Most probably it has something to do with classes
@AlbertoC - Has been so for a while, still, yeah sadly, exams in April
@Applejacklove - You got my eyes to water, while I laughed.
@Big_Mac - Eeyup, shall vote for you if you say when
@crazyj2312 - No, do that kind of thing, we always enjoy more content. I'll have to exchange friend codes and multiplayer you at some point.
@Everypony - would you desire me to set up a time for Kid Icarus? PONIES PONIES PONIES
I really have had nothing to contribute lately, hmm, found this at any rate, [youtube:R78hj0dcTNo&feature=related] Also someone decided they needed to be ponified, [youtube:53QwLCskOc0&feature=related]
Guest on NFR 57: http://nintendofreeradio.podbean.com/category/episode-57/
@AlbertoC - We have friends a whole day ahead of us, our Sunday night is their Monday Morning. Might be better to say Friday-night/Saturday-morning and Saturday-night/Sunday-morning
One - Couldsdale is not where Celestia lives, its Canterlot, unless of course your trying to make this guy look unknowing.
Two - Alright this goes right back against chapter one. You had the leader say that he learned of friendship from a unicorn and dragon in ponyville. There it is. Why would she head to Ponyville where she thinks it started, and also not recognize that Twilight and Spike are a dragon and Unicorn from ponyville. It creates a plot hole, the first one might be you making him a fool but this, to keep this, your going to have to rework it into the first 2 chapters or edit it. As again, should fear Twilight Sparkle and two would not head there.
Otherwise great as always, although there is little emotion between the daughter and mother, till she is dead, you might want to strengthen that relationship
P.S. I did not look deep into it, and won't unless you want me to
@Buob - Wow, that was fast. I guess I'll see what is different later. Sorry for pointing them out first thing but I figured you like to remove the holes
Guest on NFR 57: http://nintendofreeradio.podbean.com/category/episode-57/
@Aqueous - No problem. I hate having plot holes in writing. I want my writing to be the best it could ever be. Also, add new dialogue between mother and daughter - GET!
@Aqueous, I don't plan on getting Kid Icarus, so don't worry about me. And even if I was going to buy it, my 3DS is still being repaired at the moment.
With "Mad Men" (one of my fav shows) seconds from its season premiere, just thought I'd drop this off... Don Draper needs to be ponified! Pony Madison Avenue ad execs are best ad execs!
Oh, I got Kid Icarus: Uprising (loving it so far, and Palutena is so hawt ). I'll play online with you ponies as I get a chance.
@FluttershyGuy I'm fine. Glad to see you again. Never seen that show but nice poster.
@Buob Just read it, thanks. I like how it is going, and I can't wait for more. And it is quite windy isn't it? (I know I said that before, but I just like it so much.)
@ZeroX After thinking, I'll send my email through swapnote. Expect it sometime today or tomorrow.
@Everypony I appreciate everypony here, that makes this place so enjoyable to visit each day. I hope it can continue on for many more years to come. And a big shout out to @SteamMistwalker for making this place.
Like: Sonic, Yoshi, Link, and Samus
My Appleloggery and Youtube
PSN ID: sonicwildfire
Previously Applejacklove
Discostew: "I am the terror that trots in the night!...
@ZeroX - I've been a little busy since about 5:00, but from what I read, it's definitely got a darker theme to it. I like how the character stays in style; however, you're doing a lot of telling instead of showing. Please do keep in mind that these are all personal opinion, and not fact, so you may disregard any of these as you see fit.
One example of having tell-don't-show is this passage: "A man sitting in a pile of trash bags held his hands out, obviously begging for money. Baron felt nauseated by such a strong smell of filth and trash emanating from one person. He could even taste the sour aroma in his mouth. The elf put on a pair of white gloves, and slapped him across the face, threatening to kill him if his filthy hands ever smeared such luxurious clothing again. He tossed aside this pair of new gloves and simply walked away, like nothing ever happened."
If I were you, I'd add some dialogue, something like: "A man sitting in a pile of trash bags held his hands out. 'Please, can you spare any change?' He cried to the elf. Baron felt nauseated by such a strong smell of filth and trash emanating from one person. He could even taste the sour aroma in his mouth. The elf put on a pair of white gloves, and slapped him across the face. 'And if you ever touch my clothes again...I'll kill you," Baron snarled to the man. He then tossed aside this pair of new gloves and simply walked away, like nothing ever happened."
There was another scene in there: "The two stood up on their feet, and Baron insulted these innocent strangers for not helping a man in need. The crowd, obviously offended, muttered their own insults in return. Baron pulled out his Alliance badge, a silver basilisk wrapped around a sword laid over a larger shield, and threatened to arrest them all for their insolence. The people dispersed, minding their own business once more."
Again, too much telling. I would change it to something like: "The two stood up on their feet. 'What the hell was that? Aren't you gonna help a man in need? I was almost killed! Bastards....' A few in the now obviously offended crowd retorted some colorful insults back, and Baron pulled out his Alliance badge. 'I will arrest you all on the spot!' He yelled, waving around the badge with a silver basilisk character. The people dispersed, minding their own business once more."
Other than those, I found no spelling mistakes. In the first line there is an extra comma and a little later there seems to be a confusing description. "The brick walls were smeared in so many layers of graffiti and even excrements, that one could actually see the several layers of paint, along with fecal matter, oozing down the structures."
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