Last year was Mario's 35th birthday, and this year is Link's 35th, yet they still look as young and vibrant as ever. Well, sure, Mario still looks like a plumber who enjoys spaghetti a little too much, but Link's most recent reincarnation in Breath of the Wild emerged from a 100-year sleep looking like he'd drunk a gallon of wrinkle cream before bed.
Given that we're constantly in horror at how long it's been since a game came out (18 years since Wind Waker, btw), we're happy to welcome that little bit of schadenfreude that comes with finding out that Mario is technically 65 - and now, he finally looks it.
Price comparison site Compare The Market has teamed up with aging researchers (that's researchers who study aging, although they are also aging themselves) at Lancaster University to create visualisations of well-known gaming characters, if they had aged over the years.
Mario and Luigi haven't done too badly, actually. Both have a sort of silver fox vibe to them (step aside, George Clooney). The researchers put this down to their active lifestyle, with all the jumping and running that they do, as well as their Italian ancestry and Mediterranean diet. Hang on, what about all the 2-foot mushrooms?
We're not sure how hedgehogs age, and neither are the researchers, but we do get to see Sonic's rival Dr Eggman in his autumn years, looking largely the same, although his "sedentary lifestyle" may cause mobility issues. That's not really an issue when you've got as many mechs as he has, though.
Although the "leaked" Tomb Raider collection never actually materialised last year, perhaps that's for the best: Miss Croft is about to turn 46, and we should probably just let her retire from her "archaeology" in peace. The researchers make the assumption that Lara would have made sure to wear suncream while travelling to exotic places, but we can't say we remember that bit of the game.
We're a bit disappointed not to see wrinkly Link in the list, but we can't imagine the years have been kind to a kid who's constantly getting hit with swords, revived by fairies, washing up on beaches, and sailing the ocean with no sun protection.
Who do you think has aged the worst out of every game character? We'd put our money on Kirby. You can't just eat everything and get away with it. Some day, your metabolism will catch up with you.
Reminds me of when I was geriatric mario for halloween...yes this happened
Science has gone too far
Lara "Zombie" Croft much
Did they make these in GTA5?
Not even remotely accurate. The actual Mario, Luigi, and Eggman don't look like regular humans but the ones here do.
Why do they all look terrifying.
How is Mario 65? Does anybody really knows how old was he in 1981 with Donkey Kong? Was he 25? why not 18? why not 35?
Time is different in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Lara is terrifying.
But I still would.
Apparently, Mario’s canon age is 26.
Considering how much Nintendo love their baby versions it's surprising they've never tried geriatric variants of characters - that seems like the natural next step to me.
Not gonna lie, I'm disappointed that Mario didn't look like Bob Hoskins in this.
Might be a fun concept (if you're one of the rare people not peeved off with the countless variants instead of them actually adding new characters to the roster), but I don't think it would go down well in Japan.
Speaking of which, lets hope E. Gadd gets in next time.
Mario looks so sad. Like he's just become aware of his own crushing mortality.
WHYYYYY does this exist
@Jakiboy yeah that’s kinda my problem with this... like they not only aged them but made them realistic humans. I need to see the before picture because the before is certainly not normal Mario.
@RandomAfricanGamer That still seems way too young for me.
"inhale Hello Mario"
People who work at a school make stuff up. Got it
Lara croft didn't have shoulders like that in the latest game, are they basing those dimensions off psx?
Look what they did to my boy eggman? and if they really wanted to know how eggman looked if he was older he would probably look some thing like Professor Gerald Robotnik.
@Aerona but he is so agile. I can't imagine him being in his 40s doing wall jumps and slamming his spine into turtle shells.
This is an abomination
Saw the headline and knew right away this was another Kate Gray special. Thank you for another humorous yet slightly disturbing read! 😁
Lara and I are nearly the same age! I’d say the CG years have been kind to her overall. Real life is harsh 😑
@KateGray If gene editing is ever capable of making a flesh & blood person that looks like Mario, with proportions like straight out of Mario Odyssey,...... I bet it would still look creepy. XD
This is weird.
For those wondering about Mario's age from RandomAfricanGamer's post, here's an article from 2016, referencing a Miyamoto interview from 2005 on the matter.
Man this is the work researchers are doing instead of something important. I wanna be a researcher
There is something so unsettling about Lara, I feel like at any moment she could rip apart into some godforsaken monster.
I don't think there's a canon age for Link. As far I understood it it's always a different Link and Zelda in most cases. It has been yeeeeears since I played a Zelda, but was Windwaker eg not talking about a legend about a hero and whatever and then the Link we played there just randomly steps into their footprints, basically?
Also... The HW2 Zelda (only played the demo so far) said that her powers aren't awaken yet and that she doesn't know what to do to get them. She also said that with the Shiekah stones even she could fight. Witch means that the HW2 Zelda is weaker than the other Zeldas. (The other ones are able to fight without them. And there's Shiek. And she's a character in Smash, as Zelda and as Shiek.) So, either it's a different Zelda/Link in most of the times... or in 50 years Nintendo will maybe show us the official real timeline and we would see that HW2 is canonly one of the first, maybe even the first Zelda game. ...Or Nintendo is just going to say "Well, that's why the games are called 'THE LEGEND of Zelda' it's just a fairy tale, you know? Did you never hear about the Lindworm or Claiomh Solais, for example? What about the legend about some kid pulling a sword from a stone and becoming a king?"
But as said, I havn't played a Zelda in yeeears. So, I can't really remember how things piece together, if they do at all. Because as said, I feel like they're always different people.. or dimensions... or world lines... or times lines... whatever.
.....And yes, I'm going to play BotW next week, when I have the expansion pass, I promise... Don't stress me! If I'm lucky I get my money on Friday. I dunno, it's February... who knows...
@Lordplops But she wouldn’t. 😝
Why does Mario look like Ted Cruz?
Since I am both an incurable nerd and a veterinary technician: Hedgehogs live an average 5-7 years in captivity, 2-3 years in the wild. Some pet hedgies have lived up to 10 years, but I would imagine they look and act quite pitiful by that age, like most animals that have lived long past their natural lifespan.
@Jakiboy Yeah, the renders make the characters look too human and not cartoonish at all. Not a good fit.
I bet someone on Deviantart or reddit could create something more in line to the Mario Bros aesthetic.
@Teksetter oh no, my reputation
If we assume all of the events that happen in Mario's adventure happen within a relatively short time then he could still be fairly young. It wouldn't be a fun life if Bowser was coming back every week pulling the same old shenanigans but hey ho. Also, let's not think about the space travel introduced in Galaxy.
@KateGray Most or all of Link's bones have to have been shattered in countless falls that not even all the Moo-moo Milk in the world can salvage.
At least one of the Links is technically over 100 years old, so some questions are better left unasked.
I was expecting a picture of Capt. Lou Albano.
@Fiish Says the man with the terryfying fish icon.
Science ask if they could, not if they should haha
Tap here to load 40 comments
Leave A Comment
Hold on there, you need to login to post a comment...