It's the most wonderful time of the year, and in the spirit of gift-giving we've got a sackful of incredible, baffling and downright idiotic emails, all sent to Nintendo Life (or our sister sites) throughout the past few months.
If you've missed a previous instalment in the series, consider them stocking fillers before the big present you're about to receive. We expect Nintendo 64 kid levels of excitement.
Do not send us intentionally stupid emails!
If you read this and think it'd be funny to send in your own submissions for the next issue: don't. It's not funny, it's not clever and we'll gladly ban anyone who wastes our time in the hope of a moment of fame.
As always, remember we do reply to the vast majority of these emails to point them in the right direction.
1. Stand back, mine owners!
Hey sorry the last message was on the wrong email this is the real one. we want you nintendo to take my friend and my ideas of a few games and an acssesory that will blow everyones mine. But since we dont now how to make them we want the best game comany there is nintendo our name is janngames. If you want to here them contact us back and well tell also we will do it for free we just want 2 3ds and games if it is the right price. We will enjoy working with nintendo thank you!!!!!!! (never now we might be good and end up working with you) ps: we love nintendo and the products
2. Send me things, I will sell them. This is business, yes?
this is an email introducing myself to you I am [name removed] a 27 year old up and coming sales and informing you of my future prospective business plans. I am going to be starting a new business, in electrical consumer products. In research studies i've have found that nintendo have a great range of products that could help me on to the business ladder, i was hoping you would consider assisting me on my journey. With this I would require you to send me a range of products from nintendo that i could use to promote my business and help me to place very large orders for nintendo products if you can i thank you so much for your generosity i hope to hear from you thank
[Name, email, home address removed]
3. The next Miyamoto
Hi I've got a Mario game that has not been mentioned before, but I want 2 things in return. Please contact me as soon as possible.
Naturally we replied...
Ok I have an idea for a Mario game called Mario power coins and I want $500, special thanks at the credits, and two free copies for it.
From Filipi B. A.(Filipi Best Awesome)
4. Send us your bank details and we'll talk
My bank account has been debited with 3 payments of £9.00 which I have no knowledge of. Please could you look into this for me. My son owns a nintendo ds. My address is [address removed]. My telephone number is [number removed]. I am very concerned and await your call.Many Thanks.
5. Why, thank you
Good website! I look forward to finding more pleasure
6. This game would require some serious hardware
I have what I think is a good idea for a wii game. You will build things (toolbox, birdhouse, house etc) As you get better at building things you get better tools to fill your toolbox. (screwdriver to a power drill.) Please let me know what you think of the idea. Anyone I have told about my idea said that they would enjoy playing the game. Hope to hear from you soon.
7. If only you'd asked more nicely
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE x19028309128109182 get Diner Dash on the wiiware! I would be so happy!
can you start making more mario games on xbox 360 because most people use the 360 over the wii and ds
9. It's good to dream
Iam a boy which my dream of collecting 3ds games(all of the them)
Followed eight minutes later by...
Im a boy wishing to collect all games of 3ds(i cant find them)
10. We'll start the bidding at... £0
I own wiiulife.com and I'd like to sell it. I was wondering if Nintendo Life would be interested in purchasing it.
11. Mines blown!
So, you know that one pokémon in the Celestial Tower in pokémon Black and White? The psychic type called Elgyem? Well, stop for a minute and think about it. Break that word apart in three pieces and pronounce those pieces on their own. El-gy-em. El-gy-em. EL-GY-EM! L-G-M!!! "Little Green Men". As in the small space alien toys (which are called "LGMs") from Toy Story. Why? Because the Elgyems look like aliens what with their big green heads!!! Both the LGMs and the Elgyems are green alien-like creatures! It's a reference to TOY STORY!!!!!!!! I'm onto something BIG here!
12. Good day!
Good day! I the writer of Eugene Krymov, desire to publish my fairy tales, professionally translated from the Russian to the English! It is possible in your publishing house to publish its fairy tales?My telephone: [number removed]
13. Gametrialz is now no more
Gametrialz is revolutionizing the way we sell and buy on consoles and social media; members will be able to buy and download a console game through the developers facebook page. Then; you will be able to forward it to friends and if they buy; you and they will get points. If your friend bought 10 games; you will get one free. You can upload reviews, cheats and more to your and the developers facebook and twitter pages. Get points when you reach a level or beat the game. This will help you, small developers and even the large ones too. We seek a partnership with Nintendo, Sony, Microsoft, Apple, Twitter and Facebook.
14. Skype permission slip
It gives me great pleasure to tell you the 3DS has exceeded my expectations of preformance. In other words, it's awesome. The effects, by far, have been the the most impressive. As you have probably been asked for a MILLION times, I really would like to talk to you about skype. In my opinion, it would not only be great for us, but for YOU. You already contain us with these already wonderful features, why not add more? If you wanted to make your own version, exclusive for the 3DS, that would be okay, but really. With skype, it would be more of a reason to get, so that it would be welcome to more audiences, such as friends who have skype on other systems. Your own version would sort of mirror Apple's 'facetime'. All of that aside, it's your choice. Step up to the plate if you desire...
It has the mic, and the camera. Skype has already agreed. All YOU have to do is meet them halfway.
15. Where to start?
Hi, who can I talk to for suppling Atari2600 in New Zealand? I am a buyer for a retail chain in New Zealand, we have introduced a category into the business that we are chasing up retro gaming andthe like.
16. Try the local arcade
Looking to see how to get the sit down dead sea game [name and phone number removed] thank you
17. Public service announcement: we are not the Starlight Foundation
my name is [removed] i have a son and he has leukuemia cancer hes in treatment since three years ago.and right now he is still on treatment they sent me an aplication a year ago and until now i dont have no respond from you guys. My sons name is [removed] and he is six years old and i have alot of freinds that are in this foundation of this starlight and thet're in this foundation and my son is not when i send the aplication a year ago.so can you please answer me back why my son was not accepted when he has cancer. my freind is makeing me a favor to write this letter in english beacause i dont write or speak english so can you please respond in spanish.or call me at this number: [numbers removed].please respond back soon and thank you.
Note: We replied with contact information for Nintendo.
18. Who can choose?
i want your favorite part of the list.
19. She obviously hasn't read most of our taglines
I am Samantha. I noticed that your site https://www.nintendolife.com/ is quite amusing. I was just wondering maybe we could talk more about this.
Is it okay with you?
20. Short but sweet
21. Karate Phants has quite good graphics
Could you please make more good graphiced animal games? I would love it if they were on WiiWare.....
22. A fan!
i love ur wii,a lot of games look so realistic,keep it up!
23. Not a fan
why cant u use new super mario bros Mii for the regular wii console? i have been DREAMING for this game to come out some day. why do u need that extra thing? it also will probably cost a fortune.
24. It's not easy
I am ting to find how to go over the brig
25. What info?
please email me this info so my dad can see it please
26. You make a good point... possibly
Kid Icarus been 20 long years waiting why they took so long last installment came out gameboy 1991. 1991-2012 are not same gameplay graphics are lot More detail now u can talked it's not easy for Nintendo remember in the past what will game look like 20 years later also alot think what will graphics look Like now. Maybe is why take long time
27. Free form Pokémon poetry
I want to talk about Pokemon's a missing type. All the world people and children want a name Light Type. Light type is angel pokemon and love. All the waiting is new type of almost 6 and 7 generation. But only Dark type it again. Why Nintendo will not have a light type. Why Game Freak hates light type and Nintendo will not hear all the people ask. It is strange only Dark type with no light type. Everyone says "You can not have more than one type of Dark without Light type". However, Game Freak is not as light type. I and the people are very hopeful the future will add light type.
28. Someone's been busy
how would we be able to be a test group on new games? we are a family of 9 and love the kinects games ages in ouir family are 48,47,26,24,22,20, 18, 16 and 13 so we offer a wide variety of reviews, please contact us if you consider us a test group [name, address and phone number removed]
29. You suck. Unban me?
Okay I personally think your reviews for Game Boy Virtual Console games suck. These are the reviews I don't agree with:
Alleyway (GB), Baseball (GB), Side Pocket (GB), Super Mario All-Stars: Anniversary Edition (Wii), The Sims 3 (3DS)
Seriously why do all those games have such low scores (except for SMAS). That's worse than half of the reviews I've seen on X-Play. Also why can't I access your website from my home internet connection and why was my several accounts banned from your website? I did nothing wrong to deserve anything like that and suggest you guys unblock me from your website.
And when we refused...
Then Im going to report you guys for false punishment and blocking me for no reasons. Have a nice day ****!
how about making a game of horseshoes
31. The trots
Great that Galopp Racer is available on PS3. However I wonder if it's any plans in making a horse racing game with trotting also? Trotting is very popluare in Norway, Sweden, Denmark, France, Italy, US, Canada and so on. I would love it if someone could make a trotting game
32. Never. Sorry.
When will your xbox kinectalk be ready for sell.
Merry Christmas from everyone at Nintendo Life!