Topic: Thread In Which We’re All Excessively British To One Another

This is an equal opportunities thread. All peoples are welcomed, regardless of background. If you are already British, consider this an opportunity to be extra British. If you are merely Brit-curious, use this as an opportunity to open up and explore your Limey side. Little heed is paid to consistency or authenticity. In fact, the unholy amalgamation of various speech styles from multiple regional dialects/social classes is actively encouraged.

Okay, I’ll start:

Awwrigh geeeezah fancy anuvva Hobnob these Stilton & Cranberry ones are right pukka absolutely top draw and I’ll tell you something else for nothing and half a packet of sixpence the way things are these days it’s like you wouldn’t believe what with how people carry on about this that and the other and what have you, I mean really you’d think it were the end of the world or D-day or the Queen’s gone and popped her clogs or something. Anyway, you hear bout what Dave gone and done down at the Duck & Spoons on a cheeky Chewsday after one too many bo’oh’ws o’ bubblywubbly? Absolute blarmey.

Your turn:

"Come in, I'll pour you a cuppa tea."

patiently waits to be asked how many sugars and how much milk I would like in my tea

I hafta go, fella.
Oi wanna devour some Trifle for mah tucker.

@Maxz,

"How much sugars and how much milk would you like in your tea?"

@ShieldHero “No sugar, builder’s brew with a good glug of milk, that’ll do me nicely, ta.”

Me like devouring Victorian cake.
Me like sipping some British grey tea.
Me like inhaling da smell of veggie grub with name sound like mah petit vermint.

@Maxz,

"All right, mate. Here's your builder's brew, ain't got sugar. And here's mine with a boatload of the bloody thing. Anyone else among you lot is invited to have a cuppa at our tea party. Cheers!" 🍵😃

Begins playing a Beatles album

I will share this.

I was sat on a Tube last Sunday. Bakerloo Line, as it happens.

The tube jolts and a woman not holding onto a hand rail loses balance and falls into me.

I apologise.

That's how it's done, folks.

Yes please

@Mana_Knight It was most good of you to acknowledge that you had failed to take into account the precise combination of track curvature, rail irregularity, carriage weight, passenger distribution, and the stance of the lady at the moment when all these factors conspired to ensure her swift transition from a standing to a seated position upon the chair on which you yourself were at the time seated, which — had you the presence of mind — you would have surely have vacated and prepared with an appropriate degree of cushioning as to soften her fall and indeed, create the illusion that such an unexpected movement was both intended and gracefully executed so as avert any discomposure of her behalf.

That you had not foreseen these events was, I am sure, a matter of great regret, though your swift apology marks you out as a true gentleman. I doff my cap.

Innit.

Walks into the room with a very elegant top hat.
"G'day fellas."
Sits down.
"Blimey bus driver told me he would be able to get me here right at 3:30, but that bloke made me arrive here at bloody 3:34!" That absolute muppet needs to learn that he needs to do anything it takes to get a knackered lad, like myself, there on time. Although gutted and miffed by that plonker, divvent be daft and make me a cuppa tea and a ba'ol o' wata'.

You can only view this content once Hookshot Media estimates your age.

I will go get the cheese and crackers

@Maxz Too kind, Sir! Too kind!

Cor blimey!

G'day fella.
How y'all doin'?
Pardon of mah tardiness coz Oi was on the phone and mah buddy was such a yenter.
(Suddenly saw a fat lad with brown outfits)
How now brown cow!

america!! 🇺🇸🌭🦅🏈🦅🦅🦅🤑CAW!

Y'all know Yankee and Aussie fella are unlikely with the Brit.