Topic: Castle of Annoyance

Emo teens with big hair, blatantly cheating AI, terrible voice acting with weird mouth noises. And that character posted by sphydar. This game NEEDS to happen.

Oh yes, and there'd be long load times after every room. About a full minute each. Except for the smallest, least enhabited rooms, which will take 2 minutes.

The platformer section would have to have at least two dozen blind jumps, no checkpoints and, it goes without saying, incredibly loose controls.

Adding to the animal sidekick idea, he could say something like "cmon step it up" everytime you get hit. And when you die (which will be often) there is a standard track of people sighing ("awwww") in disappointment.

Oh oh oh you NEED an enemy that always moves foward in almost unavoidable patterns at a constant speed, make it small and capable of flying. REMEMBER! It MUST respawn every few seconds.
And don't forget to call every item in your game something new and original. what's a "Cure"? You need a " Tokote" or "Motokote" if you want to regain HP. This applies to spells and other important terms too.

And when you get an item (or buy it from the mercheant who sells everything far more expensive than it should be, has terrible organization of items, never has the items you need at that moment, and buys items back for 1 tomolan (money) no matter what it is), it won't have any description of what it does, and some items will inexplicably hurt or otherwise impede you.

Also, I think the player should just be an annoying, unlikable, stupid piece of trash. Like Titus, from Final Fantasy.
And he should have a really dumb name. Like Titus.

You start the game and your console/computer explodes.

Whenever you talk to shopowners/weapon smiths, they have long, unskippable, fully-(badly)voiced dialog that's the same every time. And again as you're done browsing the items they have to offer.

and lots of random QTEs for every single action. like initiating conversations with NPCs that sell you stuff.

and of course when you get less than half health, there should be a constant loud BEEPing noise, that overrides all other sfx and music. goes on during those 20min cutscenes mentioned earlier too.

fix'd

And don't forget to make all the shops look exactly the same from the outside too.
Add some outdated pop-culture references and juvenile humor here and there while you're at it. Old, bearded Kings can also tell dumb jokes every now and then, you know!

All platformer levels should have loud, jarring music that loops every 5 seconds, and the color of your character should be the same color as the background (and actual platforms). Also, every level will either be an ice level with spikes everywhere or an underwater level packed with enemies with erratic, unpredictable movement patterns. Oh, and you have a 10 second time limit underwater; the only way to extend it is by collecting air bubbles guarded by said impossible enemies. When the timer goes down to 5 seconds, loud, tense music will play the increases in volume and intensity with each passing second, no matter what volume your TV is on.

You forgot to mention that your character shouldn't be able to swim, that's basic!

Also, I think the player should just be an annoying, unlikable, stupid piece of trash. Like Titus, from Final Fantasy.
And he should have a really dumb name. Like Titus.

Tidus' only problem was he didn't have the good sense to stay out of the story. The other characters from X were awesome and if Tidus had have disappeared into the background like Vaan from XII, no one would bother complaining about him.

He's still less annoying than that twit, Cloud, though.

Every woman in the game should have a bust of at least the size of her head, and be wearing something horrendously inappropriate that leaves very little to the imagination, and every man should have arms the size of trees and speak in a rough, angry voice for no reason.

@morpheel Oh right, how could I forget that! smh

I thought we were talking about annoying things in games?

Every man can't have huge arms and a deep voice, gotta have those scrawny emo teens!

One more thing about the platformers. They should be an open world type game with maze-like areas that look nearly exactly alike. No maps of course.

So... I guess this thread has dissolved to ranting about what people don't like in modern RPGs?

Ooh I didn't know that teejay was a mod/the TC? Learn new things every day D:
_{believe me, that uneeded comment you directed towards him was way worse than what he said, which was not only adding to this conversation but also humorous}

Edit: Wait, he called Cloud a twit? Take everything I just said back >:[

Don't forget to add annoying npcs who like to point out that most of the elements in your game are things that people don't like in modern RPGs.

No, this thread will serve as the blueprint for the best game ever, as initiated by Faron. I would seriously buy this game.