Mega Starmie
Image: Nintendo Life

It came during the night. From the darkest, most existentially tortured recesses of a Game Freak designer’s brain. Diffidently, at first, then more boldly. Finally, hips swishing, stripper heels glittering, it announced itself across the Internet in a burst of dramatics. I am speaking, of course, of Mega Starmie, the breakout Internet star of Pokémon Legends: Z-A.

At first, Mega Starmie frightened us. In its first official days of life, its long, powerful legs and humanoid gait evoked images of runway models, male, female, or otherwise; however, its lack of a head seemed at odds with this, confusing anyone who had liked those legs. “Am I attracted to Mega Starmie?” asked certain players, before ultimately dismissing Mega Starmie as a valiant yet unfinished design. Certainly, it was not something that they had thought of sexually when alone and three drinks in, staring out the window during a rainstorm.

Subscribe to Nintendo Life on YouTube841k

Next came the memes. They cast Mega Starmie as an outsider, an abomination, a sentient pair of legs with no real purpose for existing. And man, those legs took a beating. Every joke seemed to zero in on this one physical trait over which Mega Starmie had no real control.

They compared Mega Starmie to Patrick from SpongeBob SquarePants. They claimed that Mega Starmie was a bug the programmers had forgotten to address. They suggested Mega Starmie was physically violent. No one ever stopped to think about how this made Mega Starmie feel.

But it’s always darkest before dawn, and Mega Starmie began to build a cult of personality. Perhaps it was the meme of Mega Starmie as Patrick in sexy fishnets; perhaps it was Mega Starmie’s status as an underdog, spurned by society. Perhaps it was because of Mega Starmie’s Pokédex entry, which suggested that it had become more humanoid “to supplant humanity.” To break the wheel.

Whatever the reason, Mega Starmie began to assume the role of a self-possessed rebel imbued with feminine power. A symbol of resistance. A queer icon.

Queer cosplayers across the Internet started dressing as Mega Starmie, both for Halloween and just to terrorise their conservative relatives. Awarding her the pronouns of she/her, they recast her as the protagonist of a new, celebratory strain of memes, positioning her as a SheEO and arbiter of taste. She appeared in Devil Wears Prada memes, Bridesmaids memes, Jean Claude Van Damme memes. Drag queens learned how to paint like Mega Starmie and constructed entire garments to evoke her potent, otherworldly glamour.

Finally, Mega Starmie had a purpose in life: to slay.

Regular Starmie has already been memed before, of course. Once the Internet caught on to its vaguely sexual cries in French dubs of the original Pokémon series, people had a field day. But even French Starmie’s sex positivity and certified freak status weren’t enough to make it into a queer icon.

This time around, things are different. Mega Starmie is a former reject of society, excluded for her very nature. She didn’t choose to have long, muscular legs. She was born this way.

It also helps that Regular Starmie was already a queer icon of sorts before Legends: Z-A came out. Thanks to its officially genderless status according to the National Pokédex and its purple-and-yellow colouring, which evokes the non-binary flag, Regular Starmie has already been a non-binary icon for many.

In fact, its former status has inspired passionate questions about how Mega Starmie should identify now in terms of its pronouns. Is Mega Starmie she/her? Or is Mega Starmie they/them? Perhaps she/they are comfortable with both labels and will accept either.

I choose to believe that Mega Starmie is nothing if not passionate about making her gender identity non-controversial. For this reason, I believe that she’s a she/they who uses any discussion surrounding her labels as an opportunity to educate her friends and provoke her haters, in a non-pedantic way.

And just like non-binary and trans people these days, Mega Starmie has often been misunderstood and even feared by the general populace. I mean, it’s not like she’s turning children gay by breathing on them, or Hydro Pump-ing every man she sees; a lot of the time, she’s just trying to teleport up to her trainer as he completes yet another scaffolding obstacle course. And we’re going to snicker behind her back? Wow.

Mega Starmie
Image: Nintendo Life

Whatever people say about her, Mega Starmie is thriving these days. And she may even have a love interest soon. Word on the street is that Mega Malamar has also been claimed as a queer icon, one that’s even more out and proud than Mega Starmie. In one meme, Mega Malamar can be seen using his psychic powers to spread gay rights around the world. Honestly, he sounds like a perfect match for Meg. They can attend rallies together.

Also, the world needs another ludicrous fictional couple to root for now that Pennywise and the Babadook have parted ways. At least, I assume they have. I used to check every year but I haven’t in a while. Maybe that’s because my mental health has improved.

And maybe that’s because I know that there’s a Mega Starmie out there somewhere, watching over the queers, singing God Help the Outcasts as she struts down Centrico Plaza, Mega Kick-ing anyone who doesn’t have a Pride flag on their porch.

Mega Starmie
Image: Nintendo Life