Davidoff Ryu
Image: Capcom

With Epic Games merrily forging the metaverse over in Fortnite, it's getting harder these days to surprise people with a daring crossover. Ryu and Chun Li from Capcom's Street Fighter have already appeared in the world's foremost battle royale, but this latest Street Fighting cross-promotion has really come out of the blue. Geddit?

Davidoff — Swiss purveyor of pungent and expensive liquids — has temporarily dumped its chiselled models emerging half naked from the ocean and teamed up with Capcom to release a pair of Street Fighter-branded fragrances featuring Ryu and Chun Li. Yes, you can now mask your repulsive gamer scent with an odour designed to evoke memories of sweaty street brawlers.

What do these eau de toilettes smell like, you ask? An earthy, peaty aroma, with a touch of lilac, perhaps?

Well, reading much like the kind of blurb you'd find on a bottle of cheap plonk, Davidoff Cool Water Champion Edition 'For Him' apparently mixes notes of "black pepper and green mandarin, blended with gaiac wood"; the 'For Her' variant features "green mandarin and absolute of tuberose, blended with juicy pear accord". Yep, that'll go down nicely with a carbonara.

We could stop there, but the expanded PR spiel for the two parfums really is something — hats off to the copy writer who produced this delightful nonsense. Here are some choice extracts (if you'll pardon the pun):

Opening with a vibrant note of green mandarin that reveals zesty and sparkling accents, it fuses into a sizzling heart note of black pepper that adds a powerful and distinctive virility...

A fresh combination of tonicity and strength which perfectly reflects Ryu’s formidable fighting style.

Yep, 'tonicity' is right up there on the list of adjectives that spring to mind when we picture Not-Ken. Still, they've done a decent job of evoking the idea of street fighting without making us think of underarms and stinky gi.

We're almost too afraid to see what they've got to say about Chun Li...

Davidoff Cool Water Street Fighter V: Champion Edition needed a sparring partner, a counterpart worthy of its valor, bottled as a dazzling citrus floral bouquet.

Crafted in synch with the masculine fragrance, it builds on a fresh and zesty mandarin and juicy pear. The creamy signature of tuberose tempers this fresh fragrance with a sensual and lasting trail.

Blending pure energy and grace, the perfume perfectly captures the quintessence of Chun-Li.

The creamy signature of what now? My word. A tuberose, if you're wondering, is an ornamental plant native to Mexico. Totally above board. Nothing untoward. Simply the 'quintessence' of one of video gaming's greatest icons. Ahem.

From the looks of the marketing materials, Gill, Lucia and Ken in their Street Fighter V guises are also in line to get distilled into liquid form with suggestive copy:

So, yes. Street Fighter perfume: it's a thing. And an expensive thing from a noted manufacturer, not just a cheap bottle of splash packaged with a can of deodorant and a pair of socks in a holiday present pack from Superdrug.

Sorry, we're still recovering from that description up there — where's some cool water when you need it? Let us know below if you've ever dreamt of smelling like someone who's been wearing the same clothes for thirty years.

[source twitter.com]