Super Bowl LIII is upon us all! This Sunday, the New England Patriots square off against the LA Rams for NFL supremacy. (As a Seahawks fan, barf.) It’s anyone’s guess who will take it all, but in the meantime, we can read the digital tea leaves with video game simulations. Ain’t the future grand?
While, yes, EA Sports’s Madden NFL franchise may be the conventional choice for calling the Super Bowl – predicting a 30-27 Rams win this year – it’s certainly not the only game in town capable of doing so. Plus, Madden has skipped Nintendo platforms for several years now, leaving everyone leading the Nintendo life out from all of the predictive football fun.
With its plethora of characters, modes, and assorted whizbangs, we think we can get an equally accurate prediction using Nintendo’s latest competitive powerhouse, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. To prove it, we hit the lab to develop a predictive framework for the single biggest sporting event of February 2019 – adapting the rules, rosters, and match-ups one can expect to see this Sunday in Atlanta.
Read on to find out how we built it, the big trends and plays to watch for this Sunday, and a prediction of the real game’s final score.
Welcome to Super Smash Bros. Bowl I!
The Rosters
Since no NFL players are in Smash (yet), we matched eight of the top players from both teams with the most appropriate Smash character to correspond with their skill set, characteristics, and physique. Here are your gladiators for the day.
LA Rams
Offense
- Jared Goff as Luigi – These noodly men may not get the same recognition as their peers but can deliver the goods when it counts. The physical resemblance is uncanny, too: throw a black moustache and green hat on Goff and nobody would be the wiser.
- Todd Gurley as Captain Falcon – Two powerhouses able to blast through any opposition with a fiery fury. You don’t want to be on the other side when they’re heating up.
- Brandin Cooks as Sonic – Gotta go fast! Cooks ran the 40-yard dash in 4.33 seconds at the 2014 NFL Combine, proving himself as one of the speediest dudes on the field. Like Sonic, Cooks keeps chasing rings: he was on the 2017 Patriots squad that fell to the Philadelphia Eagles.
- Robert Woods as Pikachu – Electric playmakers that have shown remarkable consistency and versatility over their careers. Cover carefully or they'll shock ya.
Defense
- Aaron Donald as Mewtwo – Aaron Donald is a freak of nature that was born in a lab by people playing with a power they do not understand. Mewtwo is that but Pokemon.
- Ndamukong Suh as Ganondorf – Dominant forces with a history of sportsmanship issues. Suh is set to be a free agent at the end of the season, which is sort of like Ganondorf getting sealed into the Sacred Realm. Someone will eventually team up with them again.
- Aqib Talib as Simon Belmont – These two share a love of zone defense and metal accessories. Yank their chains and hoo-boy are you in for trouble.
- Marcus Peters as Fox – As a complementary duo, Peters and Talib create massive headaches in the backfield for their opponents. Peters-as-Fox’s speedy strikes and projectile defensive abilities let him go on the attack while Talib-as-Belmont corrals the offense.
New England Patriots
Offense
- Tom Brady as Mario – One GOAT deserves another, and nobody has had as much success in their respective fields as these two.
- Julian Edelman as Little Mac – Scrappy gym rats capable of delivering knock-out punches on unsuspecting opponents. If they don’t get you with speed, they’ll get you with cunning.
- James White as Inkling – White and Inkling both have and are versatile weapons up close or at a distance, keeping their opponents wary and weary.
- Rob Gronkowski as Incineroar – Two literal cartoon wrestlers.
Defense
- Stephen Gilmore as Marth – Gilmore earned two distinctions this year: one being named the best cornerback of the season by stat gurus Pro Football Focus, and the other being named a first-team All-Pro cornerback. He’s practically defensive royalty, just like Marth.
- Kyle Van Noy as King Dedede – Two big dudes who share a fondness for robes (educated guess) and that keep finding themselves in the thick of the fight, coming up with big plays when it counts.
- Dont’a Hightower as K. Rool – One is a pirate king, and the other is a former captain out to crush his opposition. Which is which? You decide.
- Devin McCourty as Villager – Villager is a huge pain in the butt for opponents to strategize around. Throw something their way and it'll get yoinked it out of the air. Charge at them and they’ll fire a freakin’ rocket at you. Get in their face and that’s a bowling ball crushing every bone in your foot. McCourty's arsenal isn't filled with quite these same weapons, but is equally pain-butt to scheme around.
The Rules
- The full four quarters are simulated across two four-vs-four timed games of Smash (patch version 1.2.1). Each timed game is three minutes long and represents one “half” of the real thing. The Patriots offense will face the Rams defense in one game, and vice versa for the other.
- Each team is represented by four of the top players from their offensive and defensive units. Each player is a level 9 CPU, with Spirits switched off.
- Big Battlefield is the arena of choice for being a clean, neutral landscape for eight-player competitive play.
- A KO counts as a touchdown plus successful PAT, so good for seven points.
- A Fall takes a KO off the board.
- Teams must have a net-positive KO score for those teeders to count. There is no penalty for a net-negative KO score other than deep, deep shame.
- Special Flags will appear periodically and represent successful field-goal kicks, awarding the team three points. Any side of the ball can bop one through the uprights.
- The opposing team is awarded two points in the event of a self-destruct — that’s called a safety, baby!
- Aside from Special Flags, the only other item eligible to appear is the soccer ball. It’s a football! What’s football without footballs?
The Prediction
The New England Patriots triumph 33-9 over the LA Rams.
(barf)
Keep an eye out for these trends to emerge and big plays to unfold on Super Bowl Sunday:
- Trick plays! Burned by the “Philly Special” last year, look for Patriots coach Bill Belichick and his football galaxy brain to draw up a miracle play that exploits a little-known or archaic NFL rule. In our simulation, one play design sent wide-receiver Edelman off to his own side of the field to boot a field goal through his own team’s uprights, stunning onlookers but good for three points. Don’t be surprised if it turns out to be a legal move — you heard it here first.
- Defensive dominance! Both teams are arriving with stout defensive units sure to give the opposing quarterback heartburn all night, be it through trouble up front or strong coverage of receivers. Expect Brady and Goff to feel the pressure, in many cases *checks notes* throwing fireballs at nobody in particular.
- Hilarious QB sacks! Watch for Suh jumping in with the Up-B out of nowhere to dominate a frazzled Brady limping along at 169% damage, sending the New England great off to the big lobster roll in the sky.
- Heartbreaking turnovers! We’ve got good money on Suh nearly running away with a field goal toward the end of the half that’s then blocked by Gronkowski, who recovers and kicks it through the uprights for three. Again, you heard it here first.
- Halftime show shenanigans! The planned performance by Maroon 5 and Travis Scott will make way for a special performance by the Squid Sisters that is both electric and brave.
- Intense focus! Nobody will be interested in the soccer ball.
Match-up breakdowns
Patriots offense vs. Rams defense
The Rams jump into an early lead as Gronkowski and White fall to Earth in a beautiful double-doink from Aaron Donald. Ultimately, the lead doesn’t hold for long, as the Rams struggle to contain New England’s passing game throughout and fail to capitalize on their own advances.
On the Patriots side, Julian Edelman torches everyone but Suh, racking up four KOs and a field goal against two falls. Gronkowski dishes the most damage of anyone on the field — laying the groundwork for Brady and Edelman to do their work but ultimately finishes with a muted score sheet of one KO and a field goal himself against two falls. Brady doesn’t have his most impressive game with low damage dished throughout, but does his job by pulling in two KOs against one fall. James White’s run game is stuffed, with no KOs and one fall to his name, but provides a bump to New England’s score sheet with a field goal.
The Rams D manages to take White largely out of the equation but are frustrated elsewhere throughout. Their early lead is squandered by failing to consistently cash in on the massive amounts of damage they inflict on their opponents. Suh’s field goal fumble is recovered by Gronkowski towards the end of the half to erase any hope of the Rams putting themselves on the board, finding themselves with a net-negative KO score and no field goals at the close.
- PATRIOTS: Net +1 KO (7 points); 3 field goals (3 x 3 points) = 16 points
- RAMS: Net -1 KO (0 points); 0 field goals (0 x 3 points) = 0 points
Rams offense vs. Patriots defense
Finding themselves in a rather large hole after failing to do much of anything to stop Brady and his boys, the Rams turn to Goff, Gurley, Cooks, and Woods to do what they’ve done all season: get them points. Unfortunately for the Rams, things don’t quite go as planned — their red zone troubles continue to be a bugaboo for them on the biggest stage of them all.
New England puts in a beastly performance on defense, completely dominating up front and ripping Goff’s heart out (figuratively) as they put up net-two KOs and boot in a field goal. Meanwhile, McCourty and Van Noy feast on LA, putting up three KOs each against a combined three Falls between them. Hightower breaks even and scores no touchdowns but does thwack in a field goal to add three.
Gurley fixes whatever woes he’s had in the postseason this year for a monster four KOs and a field goal against two Falls. What should be a breezy 17 points pulled in by Gurley is undone by the Patriots suffocating the rest of the offense. Goff spends most of his time running for his life, suffering one Fall each at the hands of McCourty, Van Noy, and Gilmore. He puts up one KO and a field goal to lessen the damage, but those three Falls wipe a lot of points off the board. Woods is made a complete non-factor — in fact, a drag on the team — as the electric receiver is kept off the board with two Falls against zero KOs. Cooks fares little better, with his one KO neutralized by McCourty knocking him off for a Fall. His field goal stands, though, adding three to the floundering Rams’s total.
- RAMS OFFENSE: Net 0 KO + 3 field goals (3 x 3 points) = 9 points
- PATRIOTS DEFENSE: Net 2 KOs (2 x 7 points) + 1 field goal (3 points) = 17 points
FINAL: Patriots 33 - Rams 9
Science! What a beautiful thing. How close do you think Smash Ultimate will get to predicting the real deal? Sound off in the comments below!
Comments 61
I don't understand a word of this but it seems like a great article
Man, no one outside USA gives damn for american football (aka, handegg).
Such a boring sport.
I thought this was going to be an article predicting Nintendo's presence during the Super Bowl of which Smash Ultimate ads seem like a reasonable guess.
@Tirza I mean, some people might.
Anyway, that's alot of effort into this experiment. It was a pretty good read, and I almost feel as confused as a Saints fan
Edit: I forgot to add the obligatory "Oh noes, something I'm not interested in! I need to leave a comment to show them clickbaiters how little I care. The world should cater to me. Pokemon Let's Go is a baby game, I don't like ports, etc."
Why is a british/european website making an article about the super bowl? Clicks?
Didn’t see nintendolife doing this with the football world cup, european cup or even uefa champions league or the recent uefa european cup. Would be much more appropriate IMHO.
But that’s just me.
Edit: I didn’t mean bash on this article or at jon wahlgren’s efforts, the article was still fun to read. but it would be nice if they did this for european events too as this is a european website.
Thank you so much <3
@Tirza
Was gonna say this
I barely understand any American Football but it made me laugh. Thank you for the read
@Tirza I wish people in the US didn't care about it either. This week is so annoying.
Lets go Rams
I greatly appreciate the amount of effort that went into this post.
@Tirza I completely and wholeheartedly agree. I'm American, and I STILL think it's the most boring sport to watch.
@Grumblevolcano Honestly I thought exactly the same thing as you. I don't like any sports (nor competitions, for that matter), so I have no clue what this was all about. Sports already get plenty of attention, so hopefully this will not be the new trend in this website.
@Tirza I live in the us and don’t care about American football haha
Exceptional content
@Tirza well I happen to live in the U.K. and me and my brothers book the Monday off of work after the Super Bowl each year so we can watch it together.
Some may find it boring. Some may hate it. That’s fine. I love it!
Also, this prediction is better than EAs. Go Patriots!
What did I just read? Is John Madden the next DLC character?!
To those wondering why this is on a "British" Nintendo site: Nintendo Life is the most popular Nintendo site worldwide, meaning that they're writing for a global audience. Thus it's only fair that they write an article for a specific part of their reader base (and it's an exceptionally well written piece too). After all, how do you think us 'Muricans feel after every UK-exclusive promotion on this site?
Joe Madden should be taking notes.
Here we go....:
Ports, Forts, and Sports... You gotta play one, watch one, be in one
... ready? GO!
@Tirza - Man, wait till you hear about this one sport where you run around in circles after knocking a small ball around.
The kicker of this sport is a perfect game is when nothing happens.
@link3710 - One can say that about every sport. All pretty boring.
At least Hockey has fights still, so there is that.
@Tirza Not quite true it's definitely an expanding sport with games now being played in the UK and looking at games in Mexico as well. I think it's more exciting to watch than everyone else's football, but just my opinion and I used to play Soccer/Football when I was young as well.
@ilikeike I read through all the comments and my comment was the only one wondering about it so you could have tagged me 😜
My problem wasn’t “why cater to american sport fans?” my problem was “why not cater to european sport fans too?”
I don’t see them making fun articles about the six nations or the uefa cup or the european cup, I’d like to see fun articles on those, especially the six nations.
my sister’s rugby team is one of the 5 best woman rugby teams in my country, my brother coaches and manages the best teen/young adult rugby team of my country. TL;DR I prefer rugby over american football.
Wish the saints didnt get screwed. would've loved to see who you matched up with Manti Te'o
@Gravitron Would need to look into it more but probably Isabelle. She has a deadly fishing rod, and Te'o is best known for catfishing.
@JonWahlgren well known for getting catfished but ya that's actually brilliant though didnt even think of her.
@Tirza
They don't give a crap about good ol' soccer either, so even stevens, I guess.
@Gravitron Right right — it's been a while so my memory of it was not quite right. Still!
W-wait, I forgot to write my actual comment! Uh, all I want outta this Super Bowl is some cool trailer for us nerds. My bet is, if not on Nintendo goodness, at least on some cool Marvel thing on the movie side of things, maybe a longer Avengers Endgame trailer if possible. Pweeeeeeetty pweeeeeeease.
This is a fun article. Massive credit to you guys for coming up with the rules.
@Tirza I mean, there's also baseball, lacrosse, and soccer, so it's not the MOST boring sport.
This is the most I have been entertained by football since that old comedy skit "are you ready for the football" and "Da Bears".
This article ended up being a lot funnier than I'd expected. Well done.
Tom Brady is probably the only player on the Patriots that's older than Mario
This is probably one of the dumbest and most pointless articles I have seen on this site.
@AlexSora89 I'm convinced we're getting a Sonic movie trailer, so there's that. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…
Finally - a proper, unbiased prediction that's thorough to boot. More of this please - I loved reading every word of it!
I'm literally only tuning in to the Super Bowl for the amazing commercials and film trailers, as well as the half-time performance. Travis Scott is totally going to kill it!
This is awesome, haha. And GO PATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At first I thought Nintendo was showing off new content to smash haha.
The only sport I like to watch is swimming and tennis (at the Olympics especially)
People have fun watching football, or any sport by the matter, so I won't hate.
I like super bowl cause chicken wings are sometimes on sale
And stranger things seasom 3 first look at this game! And SpongeBob halftime show.... excited
@Tirza I'm not a football or soccer fan, but your post reeks of that snooty Europeanness that us Americans are just so very found of.
Well done.
The only thing I care about in the Super Bowl are the commercials. It is the one time of the year I actually like commercials.
Couldn't really care much less about the game though.
@BlueBlur101 Why would you watch a 3 hour game for stuff you could find on the internet after?
I hope the Patriots don’t win this time. It gets boring after a while, it also doesn’t help that football is already a really boring sport. The only good American sport is basketball, sorry baseball and American football lovers.
But honestly, you can’t deny that Four Square is the best playground sport. It’s just impossible.
@LUIGITORNADO #44 Lol, as much as I can agree with you, you make it sound like the USA are not the most egotistical nation in the world.
If your reaction is that, I can’t imagine what you’d say if the situation was backwards.
This is strange
Much like our government, the winner of the Super Bowl has already been paid-for and determined.
@Tirza You're... joking, right? It's much better than soccer, which is so faked it's practically akin to wrestling these days.
@LUIGITORNADO Because I have chicken wings and a family to watch it with
@Benexcelsior As much as we love Smash Announcer, John Madden as DLC Announcer would be amazing.
I don't know how much Madden knows about Nintendo franchises, but the less perhaps the better "you got this little rat thing here, and it zaps the pink ball all the way over this way". With light pen diagrams over the screen of course.
Don't forget the Inkling Boy (Squidward)
Lol this is the best thing I've read today
Obviously Pihrana Plant will win the super Bowel
Noooo! I am for the Rams! Be wrong! Lol
@Tirza 4 sold out games in the UK at Wembley/ Twickenham per year would suggest otherwise
i don't understand a single word of it, all looks chinese to me, but i admire the effort.
This was pretty cool. Alternately, you can watch Mario and Luigi attempt to predict the Super Bowl.
@darkswabber Could Mario Tennis Aces be used for Wimbledon? Can you have CPU only matches?
@MarioFan02
That's their chance to prove the movie will be of quality regardless of Sonic's own look. Here's hoping, not to mention a good amount of good faith.
@Tirza lol if any sport is a boring sport it's rugby or soccer or tennis to me football is the best sport
@Tirza Truly, if half the sport isn't pretend injuries, what's the point.
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