Harvest Moon: One World
Harvest Moon: One World is not a good game, but it deserves credit for its good cows — and, more specifically, for finding a cute cow design that doesn't just rip off Story of Seasons' cow designs. I mean, think about it: the original designers of the bubble cow never have to lift a finger again. They have left an indelible impact on the world, and it is in the shape of a Very Round Cow. It literally cannot get better than bubble cow.
But Harvest Moon: One World gave it a good try, and I'd argue that they did pretty well — well enough to be on this list. This cow design is cow-shaped without being too literal or too boring, and the big round noses are cute without ending up at the orb-like extreme of the bubble cow. It's a pretty good happy medium between "actual cow" and "sphere with cow pattern that makes milk", and really, that's all we can ask for.
Animal Crossing series
I could list every cow here, as Animal Crossing has had 8 of them (plus a further 9 bulls) across the series, but instead, I am going to rank Animal Crossing based on its Best Cow. And, of course, that cow is Norma.
There are other good cows in Animal Crossing, of course — Tipper (left) is the most cow-like cow, with a black-and-white colouring and a big, pink nose, and Patty (right) has been around since the very first Animal Crossing game. But Norma is, hands down, the cutest. I mean, Tipper's catchphrase is "it takes two to tango", which is very ominous. Norma's catchphrase, on the other hand, is the delightful-yet-deep "if you want what you have, then you'll have what you want", teaching us all to appreciate the little things in life.
Norma is a sweet, peachy-pink cow with a big heart and a plaid dress, who — according to Happy Home Paradise — wants nothing more than a house filled with plants (Tipper and Patty, in contrast, want to run a ranch and a grill, respectively, BOTH OF WHICH ARE VERY MESSED UP FOR COWS). She's a simple gal who ends sentences with "hoof hoo" and enjoys the calming presence of nature. She's adorable, and she's the best cow in Animal Crossing, not least because she's never hinted at eating other members of her species.
Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life
It may be surprising that this cow from A Wonderful Life is on this list, being suspiciously cow-shaped, and not having any kind of cow gimmick, but hear me out: Look into the eyes of this cow and tell me that it is not the purest being that has ever existed. Witness the slight smile on its cow lips, and know that this cow has never had a single evil thought, or a single thought of any kind, beyond "mmm! grass : )"
This cow is not capable of cruelty. This cow has never felt existential dread. This cow cannot possibly contribute to the woes of the world, other than its methane production, and even then, probably not, on account of being virtual and not having a butthole. This is a cow that exists to love and be loved. A good cow. A very good cow.
Story of Seasons: Pioneers of Olive Town
Now, I reviewed this game myself and came away pretty disappointed. After all, the joy of a farming game is not found in its maker machines, and that was the focus of Pioneers of Olive Town. But I can't fault its cows.
After the terrifying cows of Story of Seasons and the upsetting noses of the cows from Trio of Towns, we needed a return to bubble cows... and at last, Olive Town gave it to us. True, Friends of Mineral Town had them first, but that was a remake. We needed Marvelous & XSEED to acknowledge that the world craved bubble cows, and they did.
I can't give Olive Town full credit for this one, because it's just copying Friends of Mineral Town, but I'll allow it on this list for acknowledging the supremacy of bubble cows.
Harvest Moon SNES
You may have noticed that Stardew Valley is suspiciously low on this list of Best Cows, and you know why? Because they can't even hope to compare to the cuteness that Harvest Moon has provided throughout the years. Even Harvest Moon's most basic cow, the SNES cow, is ten times cuter than Stardew Valley, by my very accurate and scientific calculations, because look how round this cow is.
Even with the limited power of the SNES' graphics, the Harvest Moon cow is a cow that I would like to cuddle. This is a cow that I want to gently pet and whisper soothing noises to. This is a cow I would die for. I don't think I need to explain myself further.
Story of Seasons: Friends of Mineral Town
The actual, genuine platonic ideal of a cow. Nothing else comes close to an OG bubble cow, and even the social media manager for Story of Seasons knows it.
But this cow contains mooltitudes, and it's not just a simple black-and-white, milk-providing heifer. No, in Friends of Mineral Town, you can buy different coloured cows that provide different flavours of milk. There's the coffee cow, the strawberry cow, and the fruit cow, which are all pretty self-explanatory.
Pigs? Loud. Sheep? Boring. Horse? Useful, but only has one flavour. Nothing compares to cow.
Honourable Moo-ntions
Those that did not make it onto this final list include:
- Tauros (not really a cow, and a bit of a boring Pokémon design, tbh)
- Cow from Harvest Moon 64 (they're just a bit boring, sorry)
- Miltank (how is this udder-focused Pokémon anyone's favourite? It's existentially terrifying)
- Blue Cow from EarthBound (I like a fun cow colour, but this one was painted. Not a real blue cow)
- Bigbutt the bull from Banjo-Kazooie (this guy has killed me too many times for me to be a fan)
- Marta and Bugger Lugs from Conker's Bad Fur Day (I'm not averse to poo jokes, but this whole segment was a LOT)
- Asterius the Minotaur from Hades (a good cow, for sure, but only half a cow, so he gets half marks)
- Pancho from Little King's Story (very cute! But I haven't actually played Little King's Story, despite owning it for 15 years. Sorry)
Thank you for reading my very in-depth thoughts about cows. I'll let you get on with your day now. But on the off chance that you're a game developer: please consider putting more cows in your game, and making them very round, or at the very least, fun colours. Thank you.
Tell us about the cream of the cow crop (or, your favourite cow) in the comments and by voting in our poll.
Comments 61
Miltank is absolutely adorable! How dare you?
It's the same as with the owls, the roundness is defining factor. That's why bubble cow takes the trophy
Earthworm Jim????
@garzuit i agree.
Miltank for the win.
No talking cows that predict the weather from Dragon Quest?
@dustinprewitt He is a worm not a cow
"Nothing else comes close to an OG bubble cow"
Words to live by
When I saw the article I was like "bubble cow better win or so help me" and I'm really happy
I cannot physically look at the Moo Moo Meadows cows without the stupidest grin on my face
@larryisaman There are cows to launch in Earthworm Jim though.
While i loathe to bring up a game that was originally created by a company that was, not so long ago involved in a sexual harassment lawsuit, i feel the most infamous of all cows (in video games) are the cows in Diablo 2.
The hidden cow level is populated by a swarm of bloodthirsty bovines, wielding halberds, led by a cow patriarch (yeah, i know), all hell-bent on the player’s demise.
The level exists in the Switch version, Diablo 2: Resurrected.
But yeah, Blizzard sucks.
I really like the Moo Moo Meadows music.
Raving Rabbids anyone? No?
Also, I want to point out that the Death Mountain cow's alternate dimension sisters in Majora's Mask were so desirable that you literally had to fight off an creepy alien hoard to keep them from getting abducted
Finally, the article we NEED! Thank you for your service, NL!
@larryisaman you've obviously never played the game.
This article is an udder embarrassment. Nintendo Life is really milking these articles for all they're worth. I probably shouldn't start beef, considering I don't have much of a stake in this, but I don't give a barn what anyone thinks. Now excuse me while I rub my sore calves.
Furthermore, Otis from Back at the Barnyard for Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl 2.
I like it. No bull!
My dad fell in love in with the cows in Mineral Town/Olive Town (I didn't realise people call them Bubble Cows! I'll have to tell him) and so we've ended up with two big plushies; the white one (called The Moower) and a brown one (called, predictably, The Browner). They are naturally very cute 😊
I don’t know why I always read these articles… just can’t resist XD
@OorWullie I came on here precisely to comment this. How can you leave out the cows from Earthworm Jim.
"Well done" Cow says as his friend grins in the background. Thank you cows. I appreciate you, even if Nintendo Life doesn't.
I have to go with HM: AWL. The GCN version where you have to refresh their lactation cycles by breeding them. The switch version was better in most ways but I missed this mechanic.
The best cow on Switch is yer mum playing Animal Crossing.
I started reading while the morning coffee was brewing. I got to this line "this cow design is cow-shaped without being too literal or too boring," and realized we were going deep and needed to wait for the coffee before going any further.
The depth of analysis here. This is both important and serious. While pouring my coffee I realized that I didn't own a cow mug. Like I've drank the milk in the garden of Eden and seen my lack of cow for the first time.
Moo!
(and cannot believe I am the first)
@Not_Soos
Hay, hay, HAY!
Don't be so judgey! Kate went through several comp-moo-tations of game to bovine values (probably) before settling on this list.
Don't cow-nt it out so readily!
I've been watching enough YouTube shorts that I half expected one of these options to just say, "Your Mom"
I love cows, they’re my favorite animal.
I’m not sure how I feel about including One World’s design as a means to diss the game though. Cows are about positivity and love.
Anyway, yes the Bubble Cow is the best cow design ever.
Kate’s stuff is always a joy.
Honorable mention to Arizona from Them's Fightin' Herds?
What? No Earthworm Jim? It’s not everyday you have a cow to say well done to you.
@shonenjump86
Everyone seems to be in consensus about that if you read the other comments
@shonenjump86 is Earthworm Jim actually on the switch? Honest question, I’d like to play it.
To not stretch this across all Nintendo platforms and not mention Cow Racing from Wii Play is a crime!
Can't believe you forgot to mention the only playable cow: the WiiPlay cow!
It was obvious from the subject matter and the sub-headline that this was going to be @KateGray's handiwork... and I was certain that the pun above was going to be deployed. I am well aware that she has channeled the "Dad joke" quite efficiently. But in reading the list and article, I wondered... was she actually sparing us an obvious and even more belaboured pun?
Yes, of course. Like half-mad prophets speaking in tongues, Final Fantasy summoners, and the Canadian housing market, Kate's work crowds the many into spaces meant for the few. ... Which occasionally proves dangerous. But I don't know what to make of the fact that she didn't use the deadliest pun of them all - this list features Harvest Moon twice, and those titles only have two 'o's each! What can this mean?
This oversight (?) deprives us of countless worthy choices: the PS1 RPG Mooooon, Bloodstained Curse of the Mooooo, the Ori games (from Mooooon Studios), Atari's Mooooonar Lander (a loud Mooooo should play when you crash - again), Luigi's Mansion: Dark... you get the point. This gets overwhelming fast. And I haven't even mentioned the sacred cow... but maybe we shouldn't talk about Pokémon.
To this I have only one thing to say, Kate:
Booooooooooooo
(For this one, at least, I and physics teachers everywhere thank you, Kate Gray.)
I really like the Armus from Xenoblade. Don't know if there's enough cow in there for them to count, but they have "Moo" right in the name and they're both fluffy and smooth for the optimal petting experience.
1-2-Switch lets you feel what it’s like to milk a cow. What more do you need?
@dustinprewitt Don’t have a cow, man!
@larryisaman well.... someone had to say it in this thread eventually....
@Not_Soos
I found the article very mooving.
If only we had an Earthworm Jim on Switch. Cows in that game are the best.
@Servbot_EJ well, earthworm jim 1 is on sega online, and earthworm jim 2 is on SNES onlne.....
I didn't know that I needed this.
Removed - unconstructive
Not a cow, but a Bull.
CHAOS from FF XII TZA
A list dedicated solely to cows? Simply bovine.
Link owning a house cow in Ocarina of Time is just priceless, especially when his home is a treehouse.
Blue Miltank shiny cow from the Pokemon game.
Without having to click on the article, I knew this was a @KateGray piece from the mooment I saw the word "cow."
And that's udderly amazing ❤️
@imadeanaccount
imadeanaccount wrote:
Who needs news when one has moos?
News is nothing more than prattle;
Puffed-up pundits waging battle;
Hearsay, gossip, tittle-tattle;
Lend your ear instead to cattle.
@Eel yes they are, but they are part of the Switch online games, the 2nd game is available on the SNES while you have to get the 1st game on Sega Genesis.
@Kiwi_Unlimited should definitely be on the list. Still a fun silly article though.
@Axecon I KNOW RIGHT? As soon as I read the titles just thought "they better include the talking cows from DQXI".
@shonenjump86 oooh the genesis app! I totally forgot it existed to be honest. Thanks I’ll check it out there.
@dustinprewitt YES THATS THE BEST COW TYPE
Bubble Cows for sure and in particular the Friends of Mineral Town ones considering that they can produce different flavors as mentioned by the article!
One of the bosses from Deathsmiles says hello. That game might not be 'cozy' enough though.
Little King's Story is so good. Go play it and then come back and edit this article to take it's cows out of the honorable mentions.
This is the hard-hitting cow-ntent I come to Nintendo Life for - thank you.
I like their ears.
There are many more good cows in Ocarina of Time. Just great, helpful, mooing cows everywhere. In Gerudo Valley, down in the ravine. And in other grottos, too. One precisely by the entrance to the Valley. Something about that Gerudo music just attracts the cows. Real sad they keep falling into holes, though.
The cow in Dragon Quest XI S raised the game from a 9 to a 10 for me. I run the risk of spoiling one of my favourite things in the game by discussing it in any detail, but there is a big cataclysmic JRPG event in the story. Shortly afterwards, you talk to a cow who's so saddened by this that she's now unable to produce milk, and you have to put on a parade to cheer her up.
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