Harvest Moon: One World

Harvest Moon: One World Cow
Image: Natsume

Harvest Moon: One World is not a good game, but it deserves credit for its good cows — and, more specifically, for finding a cute cow design that doesn't just rip off Story of Seasons' cow designs. I mean, think about it: the original designers of the bubble cow never have to lift a finger again. They have left an indelible impact on the world, and it is in the shape of a Very Round Cow. It literally cannot get better than bubble cow.

But Harvest Moon: One World gave it a good try, and I'd argue that they did pretty well — well enough to be on this list. This cow design is cow-shaped without being too literal or too boring, and the big round noses are cute without ending up at the orb-like extreme of the bubble cow. It's a pretty good happy medium between "actual cow" and "sphere with cow pattern that makes milk", and really, that's all we can ask for.

Animal Crossing series

Animal Crossing Cows
Image: Nintendo Life

I could list every cow here, as Animal Crossing has had 8 of them (plus a further 9 bulls) across the series, but instead, I am going to rank Animal Crossing based on its Best Cow. And, of course, that cow is Norma.

There are other good cows in Animal Crossing, of course — Tipper (left) is the most cow-like cow, with a black-and-white colouring and a big, pink nose, and Patty (right) has been around since the very first Animal Crossing game. But Norma is, hands down, the cutest. I mean, Tipper's catchphrase is "it takes two to tango", which is very ominous. Norma's catchphrase, on the other hand, is the delightful-yet-deep "if you want what you have, then you'll have what you want", teaching us all to appreciate the little things in life.

Norma is a sweet, peachy-pink cow with a big heart and a plaid dress, who — according to Happy Home Paradise — wants nothing more than a house filled with plants (Tipper and Patty, in contrast, want to run a ranch and a grill, respectively, BOTH OF WHICH ARE VERY MESSED UP FOR COWS). She's a simple gal who ends sentences with "hoof hoo" and enjoys the calming presence of nature. She's adorable, and she's the best cow in Animal Crossing, not least because she's never hinted at eating other members of her species.

Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life

Story of Seasons: A Wonderful Life Cow
Image: Marvelous

It may be surprising that this cow from A Wonderful Life is on this list, being suspiciously cow-shaped, and not having any kind of cow gimmick, but hear me out: Look into the eyes of this cow and tell me that it is not the purest being that has ever existed. Witness the slight smile on its cow lips, and know that this cow has never had a single evil thought, or a single thought of any kind, beyond "mmm! grass : )"

This cow is not capable of cruelty. This cow has never felt existential dread. This cow cannot possibly contribute to the woes of the world, other than its methane production, and even then, probably not, on account of being virtual and not having a butthole. This is a cow that exists to love and be loved. A good cow. A very good cow.

Story of Seasons: Pioneers of Olive Town

Story of Seasons: Pioneers of Olive Town Cows
Image: Marvelous

Now, I reviewed this game myself and came away pretty disappointed. After all, the joy of a farming game is not found in its maker machines, and that was the focus of Pioneers of Olive Town. But I can't fault its cows.

After the terrifying cows of Story of Seasons and the upsetting noses of the cows from Trio of Towns, we needed a return to bubble cows... and at last, Olive Town gave it to us. True, Friends of Mineral Town had them first, but that was a remake. We needed Marvelous & XSEED to acknowledge that the world craved bubble cows, and they did.

I can't give Olive Town full credit for this one, because it's just copying Friends of Mineral Town, but I'll allow it on this list for acknowledging the supremacy of bubble cows.

Harvest Moon SNES

SNES Harvest Moon Cow
Image: Nintendo Life

You may have noticed that Stardew Valley is suspiciously low on this list of Best Cows, and you know why? Because they can't even hope to compare to the cuteness that Harvest Moon has provided throughout the years. Even Harvest Moon's most basic cow, the SNES cow, is ten times cuter than Stardew Valley, by my very accurate and scientific calculations, because look how round this cow is.

Even with the limited power of the SNES' graphics, the Harvest Moon cow is a cow that I would like to cuddle. This is a cow that I want to gently pet and whisper soothing noises to. This is a cow I would die for. I don't think I need to explain myself further.

Story of Seasons: Friends of Mineral Town

Story of Seasons: Friends of Mineral Town - the best cow in the world
Image: Nintendo Life

The actual, genuine platonic ideal of a cow. Nothing else comes close to an OG bubble cow, and even the social media manager for Story of Seasons knows it.

But this cow contains mooltitudes, and it's not just a simple black-and-white, milk-providing heifer. No, in Friends of Mineral Town, you can buy different coloured cows that provide different flavours of milk. There's the coffee cow, the strawberry cow, and the fruit cow, which are all pretty self-explanatory.

Pigs? Loud. Sheep? Boring. Horse? Useful, but only has one flavour. Nothing compares to cow.

Cows 5

Honourable Moo-ntions

Those that did not make it onto this final list include:

  • Tauros (not really a cow, and a bit of a boring Pokémon design, tbh)
  • Cow from Harvest Moon 64 (they're just a bit boring, sorry)
  • Miltank (how is this udder-focused Pokémon anyone's favourite? It's existentially terrifying)
  • Blue Cow from EarthBound (I like a fun cow colour, but this one was painted. Not a real blue cow)
  • Bigbutt the bull from Banjo-Kazooie (this guy has killed me too many times for me to be a fan)
  • Marta and Bugger Lugs from Conker's Bad Fur Day (I'm not averse to poo jokes, but this whole segment was a LOT)
  • Asterius the Minotaur from Hades (a good cow, for sure, but only half a cow, so he gets half marks)
  • Pancho from Little King's Story (very cute! But I haven't actually played Little King's Story, despite owning it for 15 years. Sorry)

Thank you for reading my very in-depth thoughts about cows. I'll let you get on with your day now. But on the off chance that you're a game developer: please consider putting more cows in your game, and making them very round, or at the very least, fun colours. Thank you.

Tell us about the cream of the cow crop (or, your favourite cow) in the comments and by voting in our poll.

What's your favourite cow(s) on Nintendo Switch?