It's not often that you spot a Switch eShop listing telling you to "git gud, get laid" nestled amongst your child-friendly Mario and Pokémon games, yet here we are. Introducing Love Esquire.
Love Esquire is a romantic-comedy visual novel that comes with some old-school RPG elements for good measure, all wrapped up in a dating sim package that has you heading out on "a quest to find man's greatest pleasure." Oh dear.
To achieve that, you're going to need to level up by raising your stats and battling monsters – it seems the story's hero only has a taste for romantic partners that value his strength and battling prowess over his personality, which sounds perfectly healthy indeed.
Here's a feature list and a selection of screenshots – we've had to leave some screens out as some of the language used, especially when it comes to the "unconventional techniques" used in battle, should never be read by innocent eyes.
- 5 Dateable Waifus – Love Esquire's heroines are not just pretty faces! Each have their own unique ambitions, backstories, plots, and dirty little secrets for you to uncover.
- Turn-based Combat – You may not be a decent squire, but you have a number of unconventional techniques to keep your needy knight alive. Taunt, cheer, heal, and loot your way to victory!
- Raise Stats – Git gud and become the ideal man by increasing your strength, charisma and intelligence. These traits not only affect your combat abilities, but also your relationships.
- Fully Voiced – Hear your waifus fully express their undying love for you!- Forge Relationships – Amp up your squirely charm by giving gifts and whispering sweet nothings to your waifu. Get those romance points high enough and they'll open up in more ways than one.
- Multiple Endings – What's waiting for your squire at the end of the journey? Be careful with those choices!
The game launches on Switch later this week on 12th August and will be priced at $24.99.
Will you be finding love on Switch?
Comments 47
This isn’t romance.
Inspirational. Despite having been born without eyes, the main character appears to have found happiness with a nice looking girl.
Having a lover irl is even more pro
I have the game on Steam! It is actually a very entertaining dating game. Very polished and decent dialogues. And the combat is nicely done. If you like dating games and comedy, it is a true gem.
Steam reviews are very positive, but if you're depraved and seeking NSFW, look elsewhere 😆
Looks good, will get it if it gets a physical release!
im all for this kind of games, but it honestly looks like a flash game
Multiple endings. All of them happy. This is why we can't have nice things....
"It's not often that you spot a Switch eShop listing telling you to "git gud, get laid" nestled amongst your child-friendly Mario and Pokémon games, yet here we are. Introducing Love Esquire"
To be fair, Pokemon is literally a game about forced breeding programs.....
Ugh... I am not against "dating" elements in a game, I absolutely adored Azure Dreams back in the day, but at least that game respected itself enough not to call them waifus like some badge of honor.
Get laid... what are the devs, 12?
@NEStalgia More dating sims need to take inspiration from classics like School Days, where the game can literally end with one of your spurned love interests murdering you out of jealousy.
@Ralizah Is School Days considered a classic now? I’ve only heard of it referred to in the same vein as Mars of Destruction and such.
persona was a mistake
@Ralizah LOL "High stakes dating sim".... Wait, isn't that Tinder and Ashley Madison? Should be GOTY contenders....
You know, I don't play dating sims thinking to get laid?
"Rom com" - got my attention.
"Get gud, get laid," - less so.
I'm not sure where I sit with the above descriptions. I might be interested.
Removed - trolling/baiting; user is banned
It surprisingly has good ratings on Steam, might check it out for the fun of it lol
Removed - offensive remarks
@nessisonett wow...that's a bit over the top mate.
Removed - trolling/baiting
@nessisonett School Days is interesting. For one thing, it's almost fully animated, like Steins;Gate Elite, but released back in 2005 (although the version most people have seen, myself included, is the 2010 remaster). It also subverts and deconstructs various tropes typically found in harem eroges, which seems to have hit a nerve with the audience that typically plays these games. It's very easy to read this as at least partially being a satire of the genre.
No idea what the modern consensus is. Most of the people who would have played a game like this treat Key VNs like they're the height of romantic literature, so I don't care too much about their opinions, if I'm being honest.
From one of the screenshots:
"Girls and make-up... it's something I'll never understand ".
Ain't that the truth 😅
Or you can just do those things in real life and spend your gaming time on Dragon Quest.
the day I pick up a play a dating sim will be the day that Ive absolutely given up on life.
Never played a dating sim, but I'm always open to more good turn based rpgs, because my favorite games have abandoned that style. We'll have to see if it's actually good tho.
"it seems the story's hero only has a taste for romantic partners that value his strength and battling prowess over his personality"
It says you need to raise your charisma and intelligence right there. Weird and unnecessary dig either way.
What on Earth? Ha ha ha.
"Git gud, get laid" FINALLY, a game for ME!
I see a lot of judgment being cast here. If it's your type of game more power to ya, if it's not...move on. I'm sure people judge Nintendo fans for playing "children's games" enough.
“Man’s greatest pleasure”? So, you can get a Reuben sandwich?
Great the move on... lol...
@dustinprewitt Hahaha right? I find real life women to be much more enjoyable.
@NEStalgia also, pokemon gets weirder with it
@Shadowmoon522 lol!
@Nancyboy But what about pastrami on rye? This is why it has multiple endings, though...
Can't wait for all the game journos calling for an easy mode to be implemented. LOL 😁
"git gud, git laid" but won't any erotic stuff be cut out of the Switch version?
@Ralizah Love is Blind...
@Ralizah we will never see something like School Days on Switch (although with a NC-17 warning, we should)
@bransby
seems like this game has no hardcore contents anyway, so both versions should be the same
What The HECK! That's ...... strange.
Looks like it doesn't take itself too seriously! I can appreciate that.
@bransby Nah that's Sony's schtick now
Everyone male dream game.... lol..... If not your cup of coffee move on folks. If this was physical I be on the bandwagon to collect this game.
Not to sound British, but this sounds positively cheeky. If the reviews are good, I'll bite for the lulz.
Damn. Look at all of these sigma males in the comment section.
@Tobiaku Oh, I’m sure there’ll be a few physical releases.
With combat moves like 'Fisting God' and 'Final Climax' this is a must have. If only for curiosity value like the religious beat-em up. I still love me some Buddha vs Santa action. What did I just type... I never thought I would. Ever!
Show Comments
Leave A Comment
Hold on there, you need to login to post a comment...