The '90s were a wild time for video game adverts. Most of them were about genitalia in some way or another. A lot of them were about the anatomy of women. It really wasn't a great time, to be honest - but some adverts were a little less creepy than others.
Less creepy, maybe, but infinitely more cursed. In this old Nintendo Game Boy Color ad, made for American TV, the United States is made up of Game Boys... and each one is shaped like the individual state it's representing. Also, there's a big, scary mouth at the end that aggressively croaks the slogan "GET INTO IT" for no good reason, and Alaska and Hawaii - who apparently didn't get invited to the party - get blasted into space.
In this tweet by Ben Bertoli, we can see the matching magazine advert with a clearer image of the Game Boy States. Some, like the rectangular Kansas and Colorado, make relatively normal Game Boys. Meanwhile, California looks like it would be hard to hold, New Jersey has some kind of spinal issue, and Texas has a really awful L-shaped screen that makes Tetris impossible.
Our particular favourite is South Carolina - the indigo one on the east coast that has no buttons, only a D-Pad. A little extra challenge never scared us away.
- Further reading: Poll: What's Your Favourite Game Boy Color... Colour?
Which squiggly GBC is your personal favourite? Do you find yourself identifying strongly with any of these monstrosities? Let us know in the comments.
[source smallmariofindings.tumblr.com, via twitter.com]
I'd have to go with my homestate of South Dakota, but our Northern brother looks like it'd be the truest to the original.
Honestly the illinois one looks kind of comfortable a weird way lol
Lime green was the best!
A) these colors rule
@MusicalFeline ND rep here, you beat me to it. Such a perfectly boring rectangular-ish state.
Rhode Island, the Game Boy Micro of the states.
The Idaho and Florida ones look awful to use lol.
Very disappointed in the color chosen for the NC one.
As a Michigander, I would have no idea how to play with that one lol.
Texas spawned the N64 controller, it seems
The Brian the Brain ads were pretty fun though
California is like a big boxy banana
My favorite is the Illinois one, because that is where I have lived for my entire life. The Colorado and Wyoming ones look the most normal. If only they were a bit thinner.
Utah looks cool. I wonder how the developers would utilise the L-shaped screen. Perhaps some stats or a mini map in the top-left corner of the screen?
Georgia looks cool. How exactly would you use California?
As a native Texan, I am required by law to find anything Texas-shaped as a desired novelty.
Currently living in Maryland, and that looks like hell to play on.
Arizona looks perfectly functional. Perfect screen size, aspect ratio, and all.
Your state is the prototype Joy Cons!
I remember this TV spot from back in the day, a little over a decade ago. There was also a great Zelda one to advertise the two Oracle games that had Link traversing a giant GBC.
The California Game Boy has a rumble feature and the Florida one is always sweaty.
lol Idaho. I had the yellow GBC!
I love how Colorado and wyoming are just THICC game boys
They are just absolute units
"It really wasn't a great time, to be honest."
Back here on planet Earth, far from the lonely, insular world of social media bubbles and Buzzfeed, the nineties were a golden age for the video game industry, and were all the better for it, colorful-over-corporate marketing and all. Video games (and western culture in general) have been in decline ever since (the 2000s also had sexual advertising depicting both sexes, by the way. Maybe that wasn't a "great time" either?). Massachusetts is the hard mode console, I'll add, true to form.
The Florida GBC looks like it’d be legit dangerous to play.
Give me large-screened Montana, please!
As for the worst, besides the pile in the northeast that are too small to deal with, Nevada looks the most likely to squirt from your hands with the angles. Then again, with Michigan in two pieces, how many parts would Hawaii be made of, and how soon would the 5 year old lose all of them?
Where is Alaska and Hawaii?
Alaska would have been the Cadillac of all Gameboys
Arizona looks good, but if it's anything like the state, it overheats easily, even this time of year.
Neither state I've lived in (Maryland or Delaware) would be particularly fun to play, Maryland is incredibly cramped and Delaware doesn't even have a screen.
Gimme that NC one, awesome shape
Michigan is where they came up with the joycons!
I call BS that Connecticut gets a d-pad and Massachusetts doesn’t. I’m still better off that the sliver of lime green plastic that is Rhode Island.
"Big, scary mouth", you say?
Odd that when old Game Boy Color commercials first started to get uploaded to the Internet, I remember several other people likened them to a similar mouth in advertising for fast-food restaurant Dairy Queen. Apparently that has since becomes its own Internet meme.
My vote is for Atomic Purple.
I love the GameBoy Map of the U.S. it needs to be updated to reflect on all of the different color variations of the GameBoy.
Nice that Kansas looks like the real deal.
I just realized, I don't know where any of the states are.
@MusicalFeline Ah yes, a fellow South Dakotan. For once, our unassuming, boringly-shaped slice of this Earth is preferable to every other state.
I’ll petition to make that our state slogan.
“Illinois: Kind of Comfortable in a Weird Way”.
New York looks like a broken, run over Game Boy that somehow still works. Kinda like New York in general.
I'm having the same problem (I'm in the UK). If somebody said to me "Take California", I wouldn't even know where to find it! 😆
@Not_Soos No, that would be Connecticut. Rhode Island is the one state that doesn't have anything on it. Even Delaware got a tiny screen.
@Menardi Plus, the '90's were when we didn't have to worry about the Cold War nor foreign terrorists, animated entertainment hit its peak, and the Chicago Cubs were still the "lovable losers."
@Chlocean Still better than North Dakota. At least you guys have Mount Rushmore and the Badlands.
@robr i would 100% sign that
I still have my teal one!
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