What is a relationship? A miserable little pile of secrets!
About me
My family and I have been fighting this evil for generations. As many times as we have lain the monstrous vampire Dracula to rest, he has again risen and reigned terror upon the land. For all times, there is a Belmont to keep the world safe. Of course, if we were really any good at this we'd just get it right the first time and our descendants could pursue careers as caterers or graphic designers or something, but hey, I don't see you seeking out Castle Dracula to do a better job.
Location: Transylvania.
Ethnicity: Romanian.
Hair: Longer and more beautiful than yours, darling.
Eyes: Endlessly tumbling down from high places.
Occupation: Vampire Hunter.
I would like to meet: A whip-smart young ghoul that I can take home to meet my mummy. Or a swimsuit model.
I like to play the following sports: Competitive stair climbing. I'm not very good at it, though, as I keep getting stuck halfway up and defencelessly murdered by passing enemies.
My exercise regime consists of: Shuffling slowly forward, jumping stiffly into the air, slipping gracelessly off of platforms and into hidden pools of water that kill me.
My favourite music: Devo, Willow Smith, and "CAstlevania 6-5000" by The Undead, Reanimated Glenn Miller.
My favourite movie: Dracula, Son of Dracula, Leather-Clad Antagonist of Dracula.
My favourite TV show: Van Helsing, Penn & Teller: Bullwhip!
My dream is to: WHAT A HORRIBLE NIGHT TO HAVE A DREAM
On a first date I'd like to: Have dinner with you. I found this big hunk of meat embedded in some masonry and I'd really like somebody to share it with by destructible candle light.
Comments 73
Dude I am all over Link.
"Honey, it doesn't do me any good unless I can have the whole thing."
Oh yeah, he's so fabulous~ n_n All my heart container are belong to you Link~
We have so much in common I just know it'll work out
we'll have to work on those horrible puns though...
Kinda harsh on Samus, there, weren'cha? Ah well. I still take her out of the selections, but also take Pikachu for a loving pet.
Of those not listed, I choose Tifa Lockhart, Sheena Fujibayashi, and, of course, Shantae.
These were really awesome! Tingle's page was just what I expected xD
LOL.
I wonder if Pit has a sister... Also, I think he should go out with Samus. That would be an interesting sight. XD
Samus will always be my pick...
If Simon had a sister... But SAMUS! I LOVE YOU!
@MasterGraveheart IF you noticed, these are only first-party Nintendo characters.
Dear lord, was that a Sonichu reference in there? D:
Tingle's was definitely my favorite, I can totally see him writing a profile like that lol. Mega Man's was fantastic too.
What the heck?!?!?!?!?!?! LOL!!!!!! That's sooooooooooooooooo funny! I loved Luigi's page.
Ok so like am I going to see a few people changing their avatars before too long? Like me, @NintyFan, few other people that have those avatars....
What an interesting article. I dont see Amy from the Sonic series there.... but oh well. Happy Valentines Day to all!
These are great. SO MANY PUNS WITH PIT THOUGH... It's hilarious but painful. I can't believe I didn't see the bird one coming.
The Samus one is gooooold. And Link's... hahaha.
Tingle's dating profile really cracked me up! Hilarious stuff @Chicken_Brutus
I'm working on a mixed tape right now for Tingle. Poor guy - music is the food of love!
Well there's no way anyone would take someone who hasn't ever played unicycle hockey. What a loser.
Back of zerker! Tingle is miine~
My favourite music: "Angel" by Shaggy, "Cupid, Draw Back Your Bow" by Sam Cooke, "Cupid, Reclaim the Three Sacred Treasures and Fight Some Eggplants" by Palutena. Palutena writes music? @NintyFan I'm honestly surprised that Pit even got a profile, considering how "new" (not technically but you get my point) he is. And I think we all know what Wario loves.
Oh my lord Tingle is amazing. Well done Phil, well done.
Man Phil you are just all about the puns eh?
I think there should have been some gay profiles... though I mean look at the way Pit dresses... come on now... he's totally mine.
@Bazly o.0
Wait... that Pikachu is a male, because it doesn't have a notch on its tail! Does that mean... D:
But more importantly, /me contacts SMEXIZELDAMAN about the Tingle section
Where is Kirby? Besides that, I love you Samus!
Samus, I'll be your huckleberry! You can screw attack me like mad anytime... (thinking back to enemies being blown up into a million pieces by it in the past) Or, perhaps not.
Intriguing to think of the lingerie Samus would wear under her Power Suit on Valentine's Day! (always incentive to finish a Metroid as quickly as possible). Her job would probably be rough on a pair of stockings though.
This is the best thing I've ever read. EVER.
Very clever! Tingle's was laugh out out funny.
Tingle's was the best.
sexist. 2/5
Isn't Cpt. Olimar married already?
I choose Samus.
Haha Great work on Tingle Chicken. I feel it wasn't as accurate as it could be though since I saw a distinct lack of
@RudyDog13: Simon Belmont isn't a first party Nintendo Character.
Winnie the Pooh is the most attractive Nintendo character so far.
Lol, that was awesome! One of the best features on the site.
TAKE ME TINGLE
Lol! That was hilarious! Really fun read,
Oh Samus! Don't worry, I can accommodate for any schedule you have!
Otaku needs Love I need a certain girl to talk to me
Glad you all enjoyed. This was a blast to write. A few of you mentioned other profiles we could have done, and believe me, we considered them!
We had to save a few for next year though!
@Bensei:
Isn't Cpt. Olimar married already?
Read a little further.
LOL, I got the archer joke on Pit.
"Show Me Your Moves"
Best videogame pick up line in history
I felt sorta funny reading about the dudes. More chicks next time!!
*Buneary searches for Sonic
Buneary: Bun Bun Buneary
Sonic: Whoa, hold on a sec. I can't understand you.
Buneary: BUN-EARY!
*Buneary clobbers Sonic with Dizzy Punch.
Apparentley, Tingle really adores capitals and smileys.
No Yoshi
i'll just take the manly vampire killing dude to go u_u
HHHHHHHHEEEEEEEYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! What about Zelda, Peach, Sonic, Mewtwo, Bowser, Cloud, Fi, Midna, Navi, Ash, Sephiroth, Sora, Riku, Kirby, Yoshi, Ganondorf, Vaati, Demise, Misty, May, Brock, Roxas, Riku, Sheik, Roy, Marth, Ike, Cosmos, Zant, ROB, King Boo, Wario, Waluigi, Master Hand, Tom Nook, Fox, Ridley, Wolf, Slippy, Captain Falcon, Issac, Starfy, Lucas, Ness, Saki, Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, Bowser Jr, Pokemon Trainer, Meta Knight, Snake, Ice Climbers, King Dedede, Mew Mii, Game and Watch, Sakari, Iwata, and Miyatamoto. Or ya'know you could just use some of them next time (aka: the next holiday thing you do).
AHHHH hahahahaha AH hahahahaha AHHHHHH hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa
Whoa, I love this! NL, you made me not hate Valentine's Day anymore.
Great read, Chicken. Best feature I've read in a while.
Also, CommandgirlVideo is the only one for me (it's OK because CV's dead and she's a lonely widow).
@Oddy: wtf, mega-harsh >:[
@TBD Reality is harsh.
Great read, im going to say something similar to Oddy. Best read for laughs in a bit, but i expect it to change in a week or so when NL comes out with another work of gaming literature in one way or another=)
Seriously guys, only one female to like ten males? Where's Peach and Daisy, or even Rosalina for that matter?
"I like to play the following sports: Basketball. I've got a killer hookshot!"
And that was where I fell over laughing.
Oh no, an article on NL that doesn't specifically cater to the ravenous needs of boys~
Those who whine are deepest in the closet. ^__^
besides in the end, it doesn't matter if they're all men or women, Mr. Brutus wrote them all so it's really him you're crushing on
The tingle one had me in tears! This was awesome.
That was pretty epic, but I do agree with StarDust; you could've put more females, like Zelda/Sheik.
@Phoenixborn: I dunno, I'm satisfied here
Also, Pit wants to impersonate Samus? Did he play Other M yet?
Oh God Tingle
Awesome article, CB! Tingle's profile was epic!
Oh god. 90% of people on Facebook are Tingle.
@StarDust: Considering it's always been a sausage fest around here at NL, it's par for the course to be honest :3
This was too much awesome for me to handle yesterday. Guys, CB, you’ve outdone yourselves once again. It will be very hard to chose characters and make something this good next year. With the other characters already mentioned, Mallo, Nikki, Resetti, Tom Nook, K.K. Slider, … there are no limits, really.
I cry foul at profile number nine though. That’s not a game character, it’s nl-users! It made for an amazing change of style though that gives this Feature the last bit of epic. HoF and wtf status . easily.
@Lordlz(#63): Just wait until you play Uprising …
@Bazly
oh dude back off pit! ive been waiting for him for 25 years!!!
@Bulbasaurus Rex
LOLOLOL! I actually get that one about Dawn's Buneary! xD
Nice job, CB! One of the best NLife articles in recent months!
I would have to choose link, then he can take me on an adventure to save princess zelda.
...And when he saves her I can just take Zelda by the hand and sneak through the back door
"Basketball. I've got a killer hookshot!" Oh no you didn't...
Some of your best work here Brutus. Great work again. I bet it's a lot better writing when you haven't been forced through a 1* game.
hey olimar is married and has two kids for crying out loud
This was truly fantastic. At the very least, best thing I've read all month.
@StarDust Well Rosalina is already claimed as mine and she is nekkid and in my mansion right now so....
How did I miss that, the "Mother" and "Other M" thing was really clever, and PF is my favorite band
the "Mother" and "Other M" thing was really clever
Thanks, that was one of the things I was most proud of.
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