Topic: Our Game Won't Work Because...

This thread would make a fantastic drinking game. Pardon me while I have root beer y'all.

"We can't port our game to the Switch because it requires a constant internet connection of 40 GB/second."

"The Switch is getting no DLC for [insert game here] because our five-year-old, watered-down port didn't sell well enough."

"Our game can't come to the Switch because Mario is a racial stereotype that clearly offends Italians. We can't support that."

"My game isn't coming to the Switch because I'm butthurt that my mediocre game didn't sell as much as I would like on the previous system."

"We can't bring our game to the Switch because it isn't powerful enough. You can get it on the 3DS though."

"It's not coming to Switch because our bodies aren't Reggie"

It's not coming on Switch because :

• Maleficent has put a curse on it, someone must kiss the Switch to broke the spell.
• Our games are 200++ GB size
• Our games rated Forbidden to Watch (for 100+ years old)
• It doesn't have Dual Screen.
• The name is Not Nintendo NX.
• Our cats keep singing horribly when we want to create our games.
• Underage kids will swallow the cartridge.
• We have never heard of Nintendo name. Was that a cookie's name ?
• We want our games stuck forever on Giant TV.
• We have no idea how play Nintendo Switch.
• Our games cost € 999,999 for each cartridge.
• It doesn't have specific region such as Africa / India / Madagascar / Thai version.
• There are some peoples cannot read English well.

"We can't port our game to Switch because somebody stole our dev kit...or maybe we didn't get one...we aren't sure yet."

drink

"I'm not bringing my game to Switch because when I was young I was picked on for saying James Pond is better than Mario.I vowed at the time to never touch a stupid Nintendo console for the rest of my life and 25 years later I never have.That's actually the real reason as to why I got into game development, so I could make great games and not bring them to Nintendo consoles,to make that nasty fan base jealous. It's my way of revenge!One day I'm going to release a game that will be better than stupid Mario and even James Pond 1 and 2 and it will release on every single device out there except for Nintendo. It's my ultimate goal."

Our game won't work on Switch because...

the screen is too small

(That would seriously have me scratching my head... like uh, docked mode! Hello! No different than any other console you fungus!)

Or.

Our game won't work on Switch because...

Switch doesn't read discs

because...

it's not black enough- 7/10 too much color

because...

we were paid not to

because...

we don't actually care about making more money, or growing our fanbase, or bringing our franchise more recognition, we just care about making ENOUGH money with a large ENOUGH fanbase and having ENOUGH recognition, and only on platforms which we and others aren't perpetually attempting to ostracize for internet cred

"We can't bring our game because since we're so bad at compression, the game file doesn't fit in an standard game card and we don't want to pay for a bigger one."

"We can't bring our game because we released Unreal demos for money on Wii U and Nintendo didn't give us a dev kit for free, so they suck and its all their fault."

"We can't bring our game because we can't do a dirty, straight port and because optimization would take money from our potential profit".

"We can't port our game to switch because retro graphics are too much! Nintendo knows nothing about 16 bit."

drink

"What's a Switch?"

"We cant bring it to Switch because we dont know how to utilise the touch screen and its an extra hassle."

You guys said things like

"we don't actually care about making more money, or growing our fanbase, or bringing our franchise more recognition"

"My game isn't coming to the Switch because I'm butthurt that my mediocre game didn't sell as much as I would like on the previous system."

Let's be honest there is only one reason for most of the developers that don't bring their games to Nintendo consoles, maybe they don't even want to admit it to themselves but they would look bad compared to Nintendo games, they know it and don't want to deal with it.
I don't think the "recognition" would get many of those games would be that good lol I don't think the fanbase would grow that much in most of the cases

@LuckyLand (The thread is meant to be fun and poking jokes at stuff like not enough buttons did you not get that memo? We are trying to come up with the stupidest excuses)

"Scalpers snapped up all the dev kits" and we don't have an eBay account

"Calm down, sir! It isn't coming to the Switch because our game - 'Hopscotch' - isn't a computer game! ..now, would you mind leaving the store, you're upsetting the children!"

@BLP_Software I just wanted to clearly point out how much they are scared of a direct comparison with Nintendo games because I find it really laughable and since this thread is meant to be funny laughs are ok I think lol

This reminds me of that GameCube game that had a save file so big, you had to use the biggest size of memory card - which wasn't officially released in Europe! Nintendo Official Magazine was not amused. 'Course, I think it was an American football game, so it wasn't exactly going to sell here anyway.

"While we understand that the Switch is selling well currently, we believe that interest in the system will sharply drop once the powerhouse Xbox One X is released."

"The genie we use to port our games to other platforms says that we've run out of wishes"