The very first moment you lay eyes on The Procession To Calvary you'll probably be reminded of the iconic British comedy series Monty Python, thanks to the use of cut-up, pre-existing classical artwork. However, while this is a huge part of the game's visual appeal, its sense of humour is actually more unique than that, and it often challenges genre favourites such as Monkey Island and Sam & Max when it comes to absurdist jokes and belly laughs. In fact, we'd even dare to say that, in its funniest moments, The Procession To Calvary (named after the Pieter Bruegel the Elder painting of the same title) even manages to surpass those titles.
The game is essentially a point-and-click adventure that uses the analogue stick and buttons rather than the Switch's touchscreen – a system that works perfectly well, despite the misgivings we initially harboured. You assume the role of a female warrior who is tasked with ridding the land of the murderous despot Heavenly Peter, but actually getting within a sword's swipe of Pete is a challenge; you'll have to solve puzzles, help NPCs, run errands and all of the other good stuff that point-and-click adventures are famed for.
The interesting thing is that you're able to kill quite a few of the NPCs in the game, which seems to offer a far easier solution to some of the puzzles. Is a character refusing to give you an item you need to progress? Rather than spend time trying to figure out how to get them to acquiesce, why not just run them through with your blade and take the item by force? The downside here is that by slaying characters, you lock yourself into the 'bad' ending, with many of the puzzles inaccessible for the remainder of that playthrough (unless you revert to a previous save, of course). Still, it's often possible to solve puzzles in more than one way, and your sword can be used for things other than blind murder. The onus is on you to experiment, which adds to the game's longevity – as do the three possible endings.
There are some issues. The script is almost entirely excellent, but there are a few grammatical errors here and there which take the shine off things. The load times when switching between scenes also feel slightly too long, and during one section the game refused to acknowledge we had a certain item in our inventory, although immediately replaying the section a second time seemed to solve this. Some of the puzzle solutions are a little bizarre, too, but thankfully the ability to highlight all on-screen areas of interest usually means you can trial-and-error your way past roadblocks. You could also argue that once you've finished the game and found all of the endings, there's little reason to return, but this is hardly a unique criticism of a point-and-click title.
Ultimately, The Procession To Calvary is one of the most amusing and unique video games we've played in some time on Switch, and if you're a fan of the genre, then it's absolutely worth your time.
Comments 71
Removed - inappropriate
Very curious about this one! Every point and click on switch should have a motion pointer IMO.
@AtlanteanMan You should get a ton of likes for that comment, but you probably won't, as you yourself will probably also suspect. Either way, I tip my hat to you, sir.
@AtlanteanMan I mean if all your happiness hinges on laughing at the beliefs and misfortune of others then I'd say it doesn't really deserve to exist, does it?
@AtlanteanMan "our society was a lot happier and laughed a lot more before all of this PC mess, which has created perpetual victimhood and outrage"
There's probably some truth to that, but I always look back on something like "Blazing Saddles". It played with racist tropes (so it wouldn't survive modern sensibilities), HOWEVER... it did so explicitly to mock the stupidity of racists. Would such a movie be "canceled" today because of stereotypes that are being deconstructed? Or would the people REALLY being targeted reject the film as divisive liberal propaganda (as we saw with the recent Borat movie)?
It's an unfortunate context we're currently in either way...
@AtlanteanMan Fortunately there are no Christians left to offend. At least, not here in the UK.
@Abeedo
Not your choice to make.
@AtlanteanMan
Bravo, and well said
@Yas
I’m Christian, although I’m not in the U.K. so I guess your point stands.
@AtlanteanMan
There's a difference between making fun of a group for their own choice versus making fun of a group for something that isn't. Christianity is a prime target in the Western world because it's by far the most prominent religion. Westerners aren't nearly as familiar with other religions. Additionally, I believe there is a more of a hands-off approach to other religions because of a greater attempt to integrate people of those religions into society. Said people tend to face enough adversity from the large swaths of bigots found among the more conservative factions. In time, if those religions become more prominent, they too will face the mocking insults Christianity currently does.
Finally, your comment about a world before political correctness is flat out wrong. You can find ugly bigotry all throughout American history, from blacks to Irish Catholics to homosexuals. You may have been happier because you wouldn't have had to deal with much of anything, but plenty of other groups wouldn't have been.
What has happened to this comments section?! Such nonsense at the beginning.
Anyway, interesting and quirky game but perhaps not for me. Actually good to have it in the eShop as it seems a bit "different"
Thanks for the review.
One has to wonder where an atmosphere of perpetual victimhood comes from. Certainly not from anyone posting a completely out of left field rant about PC culture in the comments section of the funny haha Monty Python game and everyone saying how daring and bold it is to say such shocking and true things while giving it a bunch of likes and support. Making sure to simultaneously lament how much likes and support the comment will of course never receive because the world is full of degenerates smh.
I don't know why the Nintendo Life comments section is so often a complete trash fire, but man it never ceases to amaze.
More to the point, I think the game looks like goofy fun and I like the use of classic art. Reminds me a bit of Aviary Attorney. I went and watched the eShop trailer and got a couple chuckles already so I think I'm going to have to give it a shot sometime. I'm a bit swamped with adventure games to play on Switch, though. It's not a bad problem to have, of course. I remember when the genre was declared dead not too terribly long ago (it never was). Just another on the long list of things declared dead pre-maturely.
Some developers should realise other peoples' beliefs and religions and RESPECT these! For us Christians for example Lord Jesus Christ is the God, the creator and should NOT be humiliated! If you cannot understand something or someone, this does not mean that you can disgrace all of this! I know it's a videogame BUT still, the humiliation is a fact. I pity the developers for making this garbage...
@AtlanteanMan "if it's okay to poke fun at the dominant global imperialist power of the past millennium for the oppressive things they've done, why isn't it okay for that imperialist power to keep doing those oppressive things in retaliation? the real nazis are the ones changing the names of football teams methinks."
Love point and clicks and the overall concept but looks like it may be sacrilegious which I'm not cool with. Hard pass.
@AtlanteanMan Perhaps Political in/correctness is funnier when Jesus takes the wheel, if you wheel. Satire only works if it knows it is satire. Games that come labeled upfront like satire are akin to Monty Python. Even then, the thing needs a degree/balance of unreality(for me) to be enjoyed as such. What is your say on it? Hopefully you didn't comment solely to deride a whole comment page.
Dear Little Baby Jesus protect us from the ignorant in this comment section. I'm begging you. I thougth this is a Nintendo site. Not not an interfaith war site. I read first comment and I thought to myself that I opened the wrong site.
@AtlanteanMan Amazing comment. I personally believe the reason the debate doesn't go both ways and the scales are not balanced is because Christianity and its values are specifically under attack while all the other things are not. People have abandoned the Lord for the world. That's all I'll say on any of this. I give this comment section approximately 1 hour before it gets shut down. Lol
@AtlanteanMan well said. The regressive left is to blame for this. When you go from 'Monthy Python's Flying Circus' to 'Shrill' - it should be obvious to anyone what's going on.
It just makes me ashamed to be part of this generation.
@AtlanteanMan Well said. You ever watched or read the manga Shimoneta? I feel like the series predicted the future and now now living in it, but unlike anime/managa it is more depressing and horrifying. Also I wish that Ayame Kajou a.k.a. Blue Snow and her S.O.X. were real because we need people like them to stand up and speak out against these faceless Marxist PC (SJWs and Wokes) mobs and their cancel culture ideology. Also I consider Ayame Kajou the symbol of anti-Woke, anti-SJW, and anti-Cancal Culture
"What's the point of dirty jokes anyway if they aren't 'wrong'? They're appealing because they are wrong. They excite us because we have to be secretive. Because they're devilish, they shine. Because they're twisted, they entice us. That is why I vowed to become the 'devil' to crush this boring world where the concept of dirty jokes does not exist!" – Kajou Ayame
The procession to calvary, hmmm.
When they came to the place called the Skull(calvary), they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
Luke 23:33-34 NIV
I just want to say that myself and my nephew had a kick ass time playing resi 4 and streets of rage 2 today. Chuff politics we are gamers ! Xxx
@AtlanteanMan "our society was a lot happier and laughed a lot more before all of this PC mess"
Not true at all. Suffering has always existed--you just didn't hear about it because minorities were silenced and scrubbed from historical records. Whereas today, minorities are much louder about injustice... but trust me, no matter how much you're bothered by discussions of social injustices, we actual LGBTQ people have to hear about it far more than you (and live through it).
I remember living with some folk from Hong Kong. We all pretended we were from each others country and tried to imitate how we sounded. It was so funny and helped bond us. I get today that some would take offence. Not all ridicule is mailcious. But throwing a blanket over everything is a form of censorship that creates a rather intolerant society.
(or something)
Anyhoo, this looks like something I would pick up in a sale.
@AtlanteanMan great comment.
@Yas UK Christian here!
@nkarafo
I'm not sure a perfect being, who created humor and free will, would be bothered by the small jokes of one creation.
Besides, I can tell just by looking at the world that God has a sense of humor.
Perhaps we as a people should show a little more respect, and it's good that you do, but I don't think God is bothered by a few jokes, and i'm certain a perfect being wouldn't hold a grudge.
@AtlanteanMan An important thing about satirical comedy is that the direction of which way you're "punching" makes the difference between what's criticism delivered through comedy Vs. what's just being a bigot/jerk under the guise of "comedy" (AKA: It's just a joke, bro!")
Generally, the point of offensive humor is to challenge conventions and the status quo, and/or speak truth to power (politicians, prominent religions, majority demographic in a population, etc.). This isn't to say offensive humor for the heck of it doesn't have a time or a place, but even in that scope, it's with the understanding that it's not socially acceptable in real life. If you're mainly making offensive jokes solely to "trigger" folks, it's extremely likely you're the one "punching down."
Add to that, times just change as people change, and especially as more folks have a voice. You're in your right to feel a certain way about change, but so are others. Not everyone misses every aspect of "the good ol' days" depending on their walk in life or understanding of history.
P.S. - My biggest pet peeve over the term "Political Correctness" is that it's misattributed as people being overly nice, when the whole point of "PC" is to maintain bigoted/unpopular opinions without catching heat for it (such as The War on Drugs).
@invictus4000 you have to be pretty self-absorbed if you honestly think that christians are the only group of people in the world being attacked. try loving your neighbor for a change.
Geez, moderators really need to get a hold of these comments sections. This is a Mini Review of a game and it has once again devolved into mess of us vs. them political agendas. I am ready to give up frequenting this site (which I have been doing for nearly a decade) if things do not change, and I bet I'm not the only one.
Why. Just why. If a game/article isn’t for you, why not just avoid it? I really don’t get this high horse riding and what about me! stuff at all. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the so called Christians are also hating on their neighbors and saying “people shouldn’t be gay” or whatever the current rambling is about minorities.
I’m an almost 40 Christian (catholic, in fact) and there is SO much wrong with our religion and beliefs it’s hysterical how much importance people put on them (not talking about the teachings in general, more the people basing everything thing they do and say on some wacky, made up modern interpretations of those teachings).
This game really does sound like it could be entertaining, coming from a python fan. But down the road in a sale. Point and clicks aren’t generally my favorite thing, but I’ve played a couple mobile ones that I’ve enjoyed, so maybe this would be like one of those.
@Jey887 ask yourself why this is...who started the political agenda talk on this site? We shouldn't be surprised members want to discuss these things when the nintendolife crew is actively promoting it, then strictly moderates the spectrum of allowed dissent?
@nkarafo
Yeah not. Dev should do whatever they want, within legal boundaries...
But you are also allowed to NOT EnJOY this and (be grateful for that) allowed to explain your opinion.
But from censorship comes nothing good
@Pirate1
>>thank you man.
Faith should not disable awareness nor self awareness, and maybe plain simple humor....
But... Tis’ but a flesh wound 😉
@Adamario you must be a Christian to say that. are you? do you value that message of Christ?
Removed - offensive remarks; user is banned
Game is pretty decent, got it on Android since ya know, apks. Doubt I'll finish it though since it's mildly funny at best. Does give me nice Holy Grail fondness though.
Gamers really being gamers in this comment section, eh? I love the block button tho. Gotta say. This site has fine features. 🙂
@Jey887 hit that ignore button hard for some of these frequent idiots. Gamers are so annoying you gotta sift through the garbage sometimes. Ignoring good chunk of the folks here will improve this site tenfold. Still not an excuse for improved moderation but something in the meanwhile.
@UglyCasanova other genders have existed in other cultures and gender nonconforming people have existed in western societies too. India and native tribes (two spirit) for example. For centuries. Do better research. Just cause it's new to you doesn't mean it's actually new. It's not. At all.
I really hope people calling a game blasphemous for using classical art aren’t going to get Shin Megami Tensei V. My word.
@AtlanteanMan Sounds like you've really been triggered, what's with all the outrage? All over a silly point and click game. No one asked for your half baked intellectual ramblings, why not save them for Breitbart.com or Reddit/incels or something. I'm guessing you have been triggered by the recent NLife articles about minority representation in games. You and everyone else saying 'well said' etc. just want to silence people who dare to express new ideas. I don't necessarily agree with all of the current arguments being put forward by liberals about race etc.. but I listen to them and don't have random tantrums.. You're just insecure that your worldview isn't the only worldview out there anymore, and frankly it's pathetic.
@UglyCasanova Even if you completely ignore thousands of years of human history and cultures other than your own with more expansive definitions of gender than you're used to, Christine Jorgensen was a white American who transitioned 70 years ago, so no, the concept of being trans is not younger than the Gamecube. However it does turn out that more people are willing to publicly identify as queer when it's less legal to kill us for it.
@smithyo What difference does it make if I am or not? Did Jesus say you only have to follow his teachings while other Christians are watching?
@Kiwi_Unlimited I don't know how God will receive this but it's disrespectful! They could make fun of other things, not God Himself or saints, etc. It is also disruptful to us, to the believers. If I don't like a religion, I don't make jokes for it. In no way! And they also making money out of it!
@SenseiDje Yes, I have the freedom not to "enjoy" this "masterpiece".. Thank GOD! But on the other hand, this should not be allowed. There has to be conditions for uploading a game. It's sad that there are.. In Netflix also, it's the same thing because there are some anti-Christian movies as well. I emailed them and they said that developers can do whatever they like. On the other hand, the developers "shoot themselves" because they have already decreased a group of people not paying/playing a game and not watching a movie. I don't like censorship as well BUT in this case we don't talk about more blood or bigger boobs or whatever, we are talking about offending God Himself and all the people that believe. It's very very different. Their profanity is towards to people: Christians (Orthodox, Catholic, etc).
Out of interest, can anyone who has actually played the game shed any light on if there is actually anything that may be deemed offensive to Christians in this game? I can see no mention anywhere in the review, or across a number of other previews and reviews I've seen away from this site, that mention anything of the kind. Or is this based purely on the title and it's reference to the painting?
@AtlanteanMan Please do not refer to us as "Blacks". That has the same racist connotations as "Colored". We're Black PEOPLE (which you did say later on, but still). That's a very important distinction because not including it is dehuminizing. We are people before we are Black (it's just it wouldn't be grammaticaly correct to say "People Black" lol)
Also, racism is more of a power structure. What you described when you said "offend black sensitivities" would be moreso prejudice, but since racism is prevalent around the world, most of the time predjudice towards anyone who isn't white is typically racism (as for LGBT it is typically homophobia or Transphobia).
I am not particularly for censoring, but it also takes a lot of knowledge and range to speak on a group you are not a part of without it coming off as hate and bigotry. It's easier to speak upon religion, because at the end of the day your faith is your personal choice. That too, however, must be done withing reason so we don't lead to harmful ones like Antisemitism and Islamophobia. Hope this clears a few things up. Your question remains valid.
Being Black and LGBT, I urge people to actually ask these questions (which you did respectfully too, which is a huge plus), because these are very important discussions to have. It's not about being PC, hell, a lot of us enjoy South Park and Family Guy. It's about the range of the humor andd knlowedge required for jokes and critiques to be valid and funny, and not bigotry. Which sadly, a lot of illinformed people just do not posess
Golly, life is so hard for straight, white, Christian males.
@GrailUK That's hilarious. And also inoffensive, since none of it was done out of hate and bigotry and everyone agreed to it.
@nkarafo I stand with you in what you have said.
God's name is Holy and should not be mocked in any way. The crucifixion of Jesus is nothing to joke about.
“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain. - Exodus 20:7.
I like videogames
@SuperDan64 Exactly, my friend!
@GeneralGraveous I'm daft lol. (To hear the not english version us speaking was just brill ^^)
@AtlanteanMan For the record, I'm a Catholic who attends church every Sunday, and I'm the person who reviewed this. I didn't take offence even remotely; the game is too absurd to be offensive. If you actually play it you'll soon realise that.
@GrailUK That does sound like a really fun moment. I make jokes about my friends' cultures or what would probably be offensive remarks towards complete strangers and we're all fine with it because it's never about hate. These can be great bonding tools to bring different people together so long as everyone is fine with it, and boundaries are respected
@GeneralGraveous Two way traffic is banter. One way traffic is harrassment. And if you can't laugh at yourself, you don't have much right to make fun of others, I say.
@GrailUK Oh wow, I actually really love this expression. Don't mind if I just... steal it lol
@Adamario what do you know about Jesus's teachings? anything? The first command is the love ones God above all else, the second to love the neighbour as oneself. That means that first and foremost we speak truthfully and tell others when they live in a toxic garbage ideology that destroys their soul, etc, etc.
@GeneralGraveous Hehe, feel free.
The real joke is that when people say "I'm offended" the rest of us are supposed to care.
@AtlanteanMan how about some humility, or empathy. You clearly know nothing about the suffering, discrimination and injustices of others or otherwise you wouldn't have made such a misguided statement.
@nkarafo . It’s gonna be hard to argue with someone like you saying “god is offended by [..]”.
At very stretch I can wrap my head around and understand your own bigotry. But please show me a sign, something implying god is pissed.
Faith is a personal way to understand world and beyond, but peace off, please.
Or be like a pastafarian...
What I'm finding bizarre about all the Xtian chest-beating and wailing and gnashing of teeth here is that this review is the fourth or fifth I've read online about this game, but its the only one that has all this nonsense going on in the comments.
I remember the time before the thing when everything was different to the way it is now which is to say not the same as how things are these days what with the way they are and such because these days sometimes it feels like you can’t even so much as think of doing the thing that would be done before without a single thought as to whether it was the done thing or not because it simply was the thing which was done which made it very much the done thing indeed.
These days it’s different what with how things have changed to make them not the same as they were before which is to say not the way things are now if you know what I mean and I’m sure you do well enough know because of how things are the way that they are now and such and such.
@SenseiDje I mean that the developers of this abomination insult God and the believers like myself. God cannot be truly offended because he is beyond earth and human limits. I replied earlier and I wrote I don't know how God will receive this. It's a sin for the developers and maybe Jesus Christ waits for their repentance but He is not the harsh punishment that we have to fear. It's offending for me and the others because despite the fact that we like playing video games, we believe in Jesus Christ and we love Him! He's our savior and we don't like someone or a batch of people humiliate our purpose in life and especially the One that we care about. I hope now makes a better understanding of my previous reply. My English is not very good.
If God is beyond Earth and human limitations, then God cannot be insulted because insults are (as far as we know) a human action. And if God cared about being insulted, they (I say they because I honestly don't know which God exists, if any for that matter), then they would have made it physically impossible for us to do so. But they didn't, so I've come to the conclusion that petty human insults are no where near any of their concerns.
And if God is real and good, and heaven and Hell exists, then I highly doubt they ill condemn anyone to an eternity of hellfire and brimstone over some jokes and will be more concerned about who we were during our lives. At least, this is how I've chosen to approach being agnostic.
@nkarafo Just so we're totally clear, do you mind explaining exactly how God has been offended by this game, as I'm really still not entirely sure. As previously explained in the comments the reviewer has stated they are a practicing Catholic who found nothing to offend them in this game. Have you played it, and if so, what offended you that failed to offend them?
I believe in nothing, but I hope the Flying Spaghetti Monster is having a good laugh reading this comment section...
Please everyone, be tolerant enough to don’t care about what is offending you. Time on earth is too short to have thoses useless fight, where no one will ever convince no one. So , don’t care ...
But tolerate every expression.
@RIC616 No I have not of course played the game! I have watched steam & ps4 trailers. There is "God" like a puppet master, there is Jesus Christ on the cross and Jesus on the last Judgment. These are static images but Lord Jesus Christ is not to be shown in all these garbage. If developers should have a respect, they wouldn't allowed these images with all the sarcasm, etc. There is also a woman among the others on the cross, and beheaded holding a towel, like the Shroud of Turin shown the face of Jesus Christ. She looks happy ?!?! Before this, she was holding a towel with different face, written on it "Perished but still cherished". What the heck!?!? I fear that if I play the game I will find more but this not gonna happen! If the reviewer is Catholic, and found nothing to offend him, then I fear that he is not in the correct way... I am Christian Orthodox by the way and these all should not be allowed! This is not just a videogame, it shows inappropriate images of God.
After reading the review, he lifts up the trap door to take a look at the comments section, and quickly realizes what’s going on.
… Never mind!
Dives down, closing the door with him.
Honestly anyone who agrees with that whole @atlanteanman is a closeted racist/bigot. Religion is an indoctrination from your parents and their parents and their parents and their parents. It ain’t evil but it’s evil. I don’t think the gays rise up and kill people cuz someone in their head told them to.
Sad to see the comments become a dumpster fire for people championing a time where it was fun to laugh at racist, sexist, ableist and vile humour, instead of discussing the game, or the review.
Religious and/or cultural gatekeeping doesn't work against A MASSIVE KEY!!!
@AtlanteanMan I hate to tell this but your comment has delete by the Marxist big tech moderators. It is sad free speech is no longer sacred anymore.
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