@Aqueous: it does take time to reflect on what you're drawing and improve the anatomy and style. However, once you have a sort of 'set' way of doing something, you can only get faster.
This.
I'm giving myself a way on "how to draw on the GIMP". The creative process (and my famous "proportions") are something i still have trouble with, the pencil drawings i have on dA are all stuff i drew from my mind, since i tend to change the concept mid-drawing. I still like to scan pencil-made sketches. I'm just getting myself familiar with the show style: thin and thick outlines, pastel colors, how the layers can be adjusted to draw horns or wings (Have you noticed i haven't drawn a pegasus yet? )... And how can i translate it to a technique (layers, gradients and transparencies, filters). It's by no means perfect and, as i've said before, the eyes and outlines give me a lot of trouble.
Braeburn: No problem. If you enjoyed drawing it then why not make another one? (Or maybe five )
@Aqueous Ya I did say maybe though, and it would be sort of a side project of my own. Speaking of SquiggleTail I'm not sure are Gummi and me suppose to start writing a chapter or what?
@Braeburn001 - We need Squiggles to say what we are writing about still
@ZeroX - Don't hate me for this but, I'm not always for sure, so I'll leave things open to you to decide on and mention when I may not have needed to mention it.
Alright chapter 1, (lots of spoiler!)
First one, heatwaves is two words, not one, so you got, For unicorns, magic is corrupt by the incessant heatwaves. You'll want this, For unicorns, magic is corrupt by the incessant heat waves.
Your line, Lost within the depth of his own torments, he traveled the world in search for an ideal, and absolution. No need for a comma before "and". Also you have, "in search for an ideal, and absolution." an ideal makes little sense, you could fit in "the" instead of "an" or just have "in search for ideal and absolution." Either way it would help smooth the writing. So fitting in one of those and what is needed, you'd have, Lost within the depth of his own torments, he traveled the world in search for ideal and absolution.
Just the wrong word here, Apparently, some golden pegasus, capable of excersing magic, recently showed up around the area. You want exorcising not excersing, I don't think the magic is getting a work out, Apparently, some golden pegasus, capable of exorcising magic, recently showed up around the area. Of course I had trouble finding that, so you may want to look into it
Yours, Everyone shared the same thoughts.A pegasus who knows magic, that's impossible. Just need a space between the two sentences, Everyone shared the same thoughts. A pegasus who knows magic, that's impossible.
Hmm, No no! I think you wan t comma between them, this is where I could easily be wrong, so your choice, No, no!
This is another character speaking it should be another paragraph, "Ah," she replied "A, now there's shy one! Are you new here? No no! Don't speak, I know what flavor you need!" She ran back behind the counter and ripped open bags of flour with her mouth. Once the golden golden equine came near, she began singing what she called "the Cupcakes song":
While on this one just before it this would appear to be another paragraph, however unlike the one above, this one may be optional, A sweet scent awakened his senses. It was a pleasant aroma, some foreign mixture of strawberries with a hint of vanilla, tingling his nose and circulating through his being. Graciously, he followed the scent to a bakery. Horus then pushed open the door. Behind the counter, a lovely pink mare hummed an oddly familiar tune. Her unusually happy attitude resulted in her hopping all over the place. Finally, she finished her orders and came to the golden equine without hesitation, if not a much more vigorous momentum. She came to a halt and smiled at him, causing him to blush. "Hello... I... Just... Came here to buy a few cupcakes..." he muttered, stuttering nonetheless.
Doubled word, Once the golden golden equine came near, she began singing what she called "the Cupcakes song": Easy enough, you just need to remove one of the golden, Once the golden equine came near, she began singing what she called "the Cupcakes song":
I know this one is my fault, I guessed the spelling of synch Baking these treats is such a sinch, add a teaspoon of lemon and mint. Sorry it was a "y" not an "i", opps, Baking these treats is such a sinch, add a teaspoon of lemon and mint.
I'm not sure but M.Word wants too not to, Don't be to hasty, Cupcakes! So I guess it should be too Don't be too hasty, Cupcakes!*
Okay two here, Suddenly, his face crispened as he began coughing loudly, trying to catch his breath. You have an extra space before "as". Now crispened is being underlined and disliked all over, you may want another word as one it does not appear to exist, two how does one's face become crisp? Maybe grimaced or another word would be a better choice. I'm just going to throw grimaced in, while you think about that one, I'm not even sure if it is a word at this point but I could easily be wrong, along with several websites, Suddenly, his face grimaced as he began coughing loudly, trying to catch his breath.
Doubled word again, The other ponies in the bakery stopped conversing and simultaneously turned turned to the pegasus, now in terrible agony. turned twice, just remove one, The other ponies in the bakery stopped conversing and simultaneously turned to the pegasus, now in terrible agony.
Umm, just punctuation Slowly, she approached the unconscious stallion and whispered: "Now, the Eyes are mine..." You have ":" You can use a period or try what Twilight_Crow does where she uses ";" but I think you'll want a period as your going from the movement of our villain to them speaking.
Umm, I think you confused yourself, You only count to five, and its a teaspoon of vanilla." You mean four not five, You only count to four, and its a teaspoon of vanilla."
New character speaks, new paragraph, Surprised, the imposter asked: "How do you know that?"
Different character speaks, new paragraph, Horus smiled. Sarcastically, he replied: "The Eyes shall always see the truth."
Easy touch up here, THey knew what she meant to him. Just need the "H" in They to be lower case, They knew what she meant to him.
Need a space between sentences, I have to stop them for Pinkie's sake. She's the only bridge between my past and present!The equine unleashed a yellow shockwave and stopped on the impostor pony. So you'll want it looking like this (It's at the "!" and "The"). Also I can't find shockwave in the way you wrote it unless it's two words, consider splitting them up, I'm just going to punch it in but you can leave it, I have to stop them for Pinkie's sake. She's the only bridge between my past and present! The equine unleashed a yellow shock wave and stopped on the impostor pony.
Okay this is just a smoothing idea, Just like glass, the equine's figure shattered into thousands of pieces, before evaporating into thin air. "What other secrets are there?" I suggest you add spoke or said, something along those lines after "evaporating into thin air, just so it's easier to see it's not Horus speaking and it will help things smooth out, I'm going to put to in as an example, this is not needed however, Just like glass, the equine's figure shattered into thousands of pieces, before evaporating into thin air. Saying, "What other secrets are there?"
In here, Full of zen, he let the powers of the Eyes take over. zen should have a capital, so Zen, Full of Zen, he let the powers of the Eyes take over.
This is fine, He was no longer a petty creature; he was the Discord Dragon. Still I bring it up because you could write "the Dragon of Discord" or "Dragon of Disharmony". I'm just throwing you some ideas, un-needed I know but I just hit a mood.
This is the last one of chapter one, I'll get two tomorrow, The chosen Elements of Harmony couldn't fight. Their powers were gone for good. That may be nit-picking but I bring this up with good reason, First I think you should be more particular on your word choice, like The chosen ones by the Elements of Harmony couldn't fight. As at the moment it sounds like some aspects of friendship were chosen and failed. Now the last part is unless you want to come back to this point later and explain you need something like, The Elements had no effect on the new more powerful Discord and with his new found power he stripped the Elements of Harmony's powers, removing the powers of those chosen by the Elements and their ability to stop Discord. Also you may need to mention how Discord grew stronger but once again, it's up to you and can easily be a future flash back but I thought I'd bring it up.
Hah, I love Futtershy,being my favorite pony. Spike's my favorite character overall though. Still haven't seen more than a few episodes and a buuuunch of memes.
I just remembered this past episode was the first Rainbow Dash Squee wasn't it? Also there was a few right? I think it was like 3 squees after who knows how long.
@Everypony when ZeroX gets back somepony please dirrect him to comment 4740, thank you Goodnight Everypony.
Guest on NFR 57: http://nintendofreeradio.podbean.com/category/episode-57/
@Retro Omg same! Fluttershy is my best pony but Spike is my fav of all.
Holy crud! What a coincidence! XD High five! Awesome avatar,btw!
@Aqueos I enjoy the memes. Apple.mov was hilarious. The show is just something I would watch if nothing else is on and I don't have something to do, but I'd be fine watching it. So, not a brony. Just an on and off semi fan.
@Aqueous That's alright, It was just a shock to the system was all. If i'm around you can count on me. I added you. Good night.
@the_shpydar Looks like she's having a hard time with that. I feel so sorry for her.
@Dark_TeeJay Awesome. if they did put Fluttershy in Portal, I would wan't them to take my money to!
@Retro_on_theGo I'm glad you like it I like spike alot as well.
@AlbertoC That's some great art there. Sweetie Belle looks so cute.
@General_SquiggleTail Thanks for clarifying on your avatar, I was always wondering what your avatar was. Pony marathon on the Hub. Awesome sauce. That cupecake parody is funny, though I may note get some of the jokes for note seeing the original cupecake. The voices are slightly annoying but it didn't distract me that much. Do you mind if I add you to my 3ds friend list? If not I understand.
@Big_Mac Great job on Horus. He looks so confident, I can't wait to see the finished product.
@FluttershyGuy I didn't think of it that way at first, but your right. I can relate to it being how I first thought of the show. I had frequented nintendolife for quite a while but I never joined the site. I would glaze over the top topics on the top right side of the site interested in what other people where thinking about the different things happening in the world of nintendo. one day I stumbled across this thread and was following it and was amazed at how people could be so wrapped up in ponies of all things. After a while of seeing pictures of ponies popping up all over the place, I decided to watch an episode see what all the fuss was about. I started on the first episode, much like Rainbow Dash read the first book of the series, and found it entertaining. My sister came in when I was watching it and was horrified that I was watching a little girls cartoon. After she left I continued to watch it. When it ended and saw the "to be continued" sign I had this urge to watch the next one, and then the next one, and then the next one, etc. I was hooked. I couldn't help myself but having to watch more ponies. It wasn't long after that that I joined this site. And the rest is history. Also I was wondering if I could add you to my friend list, if that's ok with you.
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