@albc5023 : Actually, it would be no problem for me to send you one. Plus, it would be cheaper if I sent you a calendar myself, since the cheapest calendars I've seen online usually go for around 8-9 dollars, and they are only a dollar here. Also, since you live in Mexico, can you check if your local stores have the Norma brand My Little Pony notebooks? Since the next time I'm going to Mexico is about a month away, and I really want to buy one of those notebooks.
Norma is a pretty common notebook brand. And well, with some luck, you will probably find any of those notebooks. Please note that the My little pony phenomena in Mexico is not what it is in USA. (This was brought to you by Captain obvious and his affiliates.)
I would suggest to look on WalMart, since they usually have a bigger selection of products. Here is a link to their entire catalog, on their webpage: http://www.productosnorma.com/mylittle.php (You can't buy any of those online, though. Also, for some reason the country selector will stay in Colombia no matter what, probably faulty programming, but who cares anyway)
Regarding the popularity of My Little Pony, here it is transmitted on Discovery Kids (Really!), on a private cable provider (Like the Hub), and the wording is very generic: it's like they went to google translator, put everything in, and voila. The latter can be forgiven due to the series being translated to all countries on the Americas that speak spanish... That aside, the voice actors do a decent job, and this is especially true for the songs, i must add. Also, there are the normal prejudices: It is for little girls, it is a silly cartoon, and other handful of shenanigans.
I have no problem with enjoying the cartoon on its original language.
@Aqueous Thank you very much for all that. Now, I've noticed I have this little problem while typing in and on, and all those typos, thanks for noticing them. About Ponyville, this one was an old Ponyville that was inside the Everfree Forest, and it was completely destroyed. My original idea was for the ponies to rebuild it. Now I just have to say that the land was left alone for 800 years. Thanks for your concern for me staying in canon. Need to work on the original document now. There are some stuff I'll talk with my editor about, since you are not sure, and I'm not sure either, but all that feedback is awesome, Thanks again. And yes that part of DN:E was shocking.
@albc5023 Hey if you find those Norma notebooks let me know please. I live on the D.F. so if you find them I may too. I got some figurines this Xmas, there's a photo on page 67 comment 1328. Cheerilee is awesome, I want one. Maybe the one that comes with the CMC.
Actually I may reconsider, look what this guy did. Idk what boil wash is, but that's what he did apparently, and some trimming. http://i.imgur.com/IP1r4.jpg
@albc5023 - You have alot more courage then me, I would not be able to take that risk, I'd likely lake things worse, but I found the post with the image and information, or at least some of it. I'll look for more instructions for it later tonight if you still feel like trying, I'll have them here. She looks much better then alot of what is out currently. Or it might have to wait till tomorrow, looking at the time.
@Destroyer64 - The person who did the Twilight picture is this link http://ayzuki.deviantart.com/ Though I meant the guy doing Yu-Gi-Oh abridged I look back through this forum at times for information or what was said, and I noticed you had interest in but I missed it, I can link you to his website of youtube, though the youtube gets taken down alot and comes back. It's a little like watching this if you start at episode 1but that's more do to the age of the show and it's older editing but it's funny. Now I'll say this, this would be the first time Microsoft Word has not called me wrong for having the u in, in fact it's the first time it asked me to add it in which shocked me as I would have left it go as I know the U.S. does not put in the u, and Microsoft Word loves to complain at me about it and I've tried teaching it before and it jumps back the next day and says no. Also the words were armour and labour. I can live with either but as several things backed me up and suggested it I thought I'd mention it.
@Twilight_Crow - Good idea, you and your editor are likely the best ones for working out what to do with it, I hope I have no offended her by going through and looking for anything missed. I'm not sure if everything was needed but I thought I put it up and you'd likely know how to deal with it but like Destroyer64 pointed out, I'm not prefect at this and the spelling involving the letter u that I put in is not needed if without is what your use to go ahead, it has no effect on the writing. Your very good at this Twilight_Crow lots of those should have caught me on my first reading, where I read it more for pleasure but yet I missed them. Well also thank you for the history lesson, I should really search up a list of what's known so I don't make that blunder again. Don't worry about on and in, it's an easy miss hit when typing I know I've made before. I just got home recently so my final search of chapter 2 and if I got time 3 will be up later tonight, or it should be, sadly there are other things I need to do besides help proof read good fan fiction, one of them being sleep. As for DN:E (spoiler) she has become what she hates.
@Aqueous: Oh, yeah, a link to Yu-Gi-Oh abridged would be nice please.
I'm pretty okay.
Formerly Destroyer360, Destroyer64, DestroyerInsertYourFavoriteRandomNumbersHere.
"Purple is a color." - Waluigi
Wait, quotes should be meaningful? Ugh, fine.
"I'm useless, but not for long. The future is coming on." - Gorillaz
@Destroyer64 - You'll want to hit episodes then go for either the full episode list or watch in from the beginning. It's like starting with the ponies though, it get's better as you go, also he is abridging a Naruto abridged series, warning I suffer from lag there on occasion. The earlier ones also have weak editing and voice acting but it improves vastly, particularly in the first season, also he's made some of the great internet memes, plus he's got great writing. http://www.yugiohabridged.com/ Here is his youtube but I gave up on it, as he loses it and gets it back about every 6 months to a year, http://www.youtube.com/user/CardGamesFTW?blend=1&ob=video... Have fun though.
@Destroyer64 - You'll want to hit episodes then go for either the full episode list or watch in from the beginning. It's like starting with the ponies though, it get's better as you go, also he is abridging a Naruto abridged series, warning I suffer from lag there on occasion. The earlier ones also have weak editing and voice acting but it improves vastly, particularly in the first season, also he's made some of the great internet memes, plus he's got great writing. http://www.yugiohabridged.com/ Here is his youtube but I gave up on it, as he loses it and gets it back about every 6 months to a year, http://www.youtube.com/user/CardGamesFTW?blend=1&ob=video... Have fun though.
Thanks, I will.
EDIT: @Twilight_Crow: I just finished Chapter 3 of Within the Night Bringers, and I'm kinda confused on Blue Blood. Is this the same stuck up prince from the episode "Best Night Ever" or is he an ancestor of the character from that episode? I'm a bit confused by the way he's acting.
I'm pretty okay.
Formerly Destroyer360, Destroyer64, DestroyerInsertYourFavoriteRandomNumbersHere.
"Purple is a color." - Waluigi
Wait, quotes should be meaningful? Ugh, fine.
"I'm useless, but not for long. The future is coming on." - Gorillaz
@Destroyer64 - Your welcome, try not to take a Mind Crush.
@Twilight_Crow - chapter 2 hunt complete, I'll use the same format I used with chapter 1 and normal, I'll put in my questions for things that might need to be altered. Everypony I ask you watch this carefully as I'm likely to mess up somewhere along this process, so with that in mind, I'll begin.
No error but wondered would normally be used for thought processes only, “Where is she?” she wondered as she grew impatient. If it's wondered aloud, then it is seen as speak, I'm nervous about this one regardless because nothing seems wrong but the extra word puts things in context with Nightmare Moon's speech, “Where is she?” she wondered aloud as she grew impatient. Not unless you have it as something she is thinking which in that case ignore me here, but seeing as you have her thinking afterwards without quotation marks, I thought I should bring it up.
Hmm, I keep coming back to this, it might need work, The white Princess was fast though; she reached up with her own wings, connecting a direct uppercut into her enemy. I understand what your going for, Nightmare Moon had dodged by flying up and you want Celestia to use her wings to re-aim her kick to hit her in the air, not quite sure how it should be reworded to better describe that. It works but not well maybe, The white Princess was fast though; she re-aimed her kick with a flap of her wings, connecting a direct uppercut into her enemy. I don't know quite what you want there though, but I thought about it till I came up with something that may work, because as it is my first reaction is she attacking with her wings, this might be something to discuss with your editor, or maybe just ignore me but still I thought I'd bring it up as it breaks the battle, while I scratch my head.
This happens right after the magic waves hit her as she dodges, Forced to land, she panted heavily, trying to recover. It would be clearer if put like this, Forcing her to land, she panted heavily, trying to recover.
Ok, I have a tip to clear this up, Sensing her opponent’s magic to locate her, Nightmare kept the flurry of attacks over the forest. If you put in sending the before flurry, and throughout instead of over, it makes more sense and clears things up, *Sensing her opponent’s magic to locate her, Nightmare kept the sending the flurry of attacks throughout the forest.
Pony term, An explosion engulfed the Ever Free Forest as the two alicorns’ energies collided. Everfree is one word, An explosion engulfed the Everfree Forest as the two alicorns’ energies collided.
Hmm, As the light of the explosion subsided, the two alicorns kept the struggle against each other in the middle of the newly created clear. It works but clearing is the word I think you want as it see the term used for a clear space in a forest, As the light of the explosion subsided, the two alicorns kept the struggle against each other in the middle of the newly created clearing.
Ok, this line is fine but I feel compelled to give you another way to say the same thing, either way you need to turn competed to completed, Sun magic field and dark magic field competed, their masters pushed with all their might. Just removes a field and makes the other plural, means the exact same thing but is commonly used and makes it easier to see them as of the same nature, stronger line though, or at least to me, you can ignore this safely, if you want, Sun magic and dark magic fields completed, their masters pushed with all their might.
This is easy, There’s no place you can hide! Mwahahaha” just add one of these either a . or ! after Mwahahaha, both versions listed, *There’s no place you can hide! Mwahahaha!” *There’s no place you can hide! Mwahahaha.”
Spelling here, Thunder and lighting started resounding from inside it. lighting should be lightning, Thunder and lightning started resounding from inside it.
Sounds right but, But now I have you just were I want you!” You want where as in location not were as in "were where you?",
But now I have you just where I want you!”*
Lightning again, You thought of using the lighting just now. Just add the n, You thought of using the lightning just now.
Third times the charm I hear, Desperate to avoid Celestia’s takedown, Nightmare Moon transformed into a purple thunder cloud, ready to release a giant lighting bolt attack. Lightning again, Desperate to avoid Celestia’s takedown, Nightmare Moon transformed into a purple thunder cloud, ready to release a giant lightning bolt attack.
Extra vowel, The white alicorn went through the cloud without loosing speed, and as she came out of it from below she turned her body up and released her spell just an instant before Nightmare Moon released her attack. Loosing (losing) needs only one o, as I don't think she is loosening her speed up. The white alicorn went through the cloud without losing speed, and as she came out of it from below she turned her body up and released her spell just an instant before Nightmare Moon released her attack.
Umm, 4th one, A bright, round, shield of fiery magic surrounded Nightmare Moon’s cloud form as it released its lighting bolts. Sorry twilight_Crow, but it seems the word for lighting and lightning have gotten mixed out throughout the chapter. A bright, round, shield of fiery magic surrounded Nightmare Moon’s cloud form as it released its lightning bolts.
Sorry but this one is just confusing, She was panting, angrily watching through one eye at her prison. Maybe you wanted her watching her prison through one eye, if so this would work, She was panting, angrily watching her prison through one eye.
Hmm, this one makes me think, It was just a moment, then she angrily restarted her attack barrage. It makes more sense if barrage comes before attack but this might be the effects of 11 plus years of pokemon, you may want to ask someone else about the order but it sounds better the other way, It was just a moment, then she angrily restarted her barrage attack." Might be easier to use relentless attack instead of barrage attack or attack barrage but I leave this one to you, still this is one I suggest you think about because I know what you mean but it does not off as proper English, sorry. This is what relentless attack looks like, It was just a moment, then she angrily restarted her relentless attack.
No space, Her other self incessantly attacked the magic shield.She seems to be doing nothing to it for now. Just throw a space between the two sentences, Her other self incessantly attacked the magic shield. She seems to be doing nothing to it for now.
It's a suggestion here but, The spherical prison lowered itself as if following its master. It hovered gently a few inches from the ground. It would help the writing if you put till in front of it, The spherical prison lowered itself as if following its master. Till it hovered gently a few inches from the ground.
Needs work here, No matter what you try, you can’t use them alone,” Ok, the does not work here, either the next sentence of speech needs to start in lower case or change the comma to a period, *No matter what you try, you can’t use them alone.”
This is the next sentence but it has it's problem, “You just can’t use them... not without me... so maybe if you ask politely," You left no more speech afterwards so the comma needs to be a period, “You just can’t use them... not without me... so maybe if you ask politely."
I looked it up, kindness is pink, Luna felt as if Celestia was talking to her directly. Then, as she had yet another emotional clash between her and Nightmare, she saw it; that green glow.
Kindness... Your second Element. You are... serious. The butterfly is Fluttershy's and it's pink. Luna felt as if Celestia was talking to her directly. Then, as she had yet another emotional clash between her and Nightmare, she saw it; that pink glow.
Kindness... Your second Element. You are... serious.
Double trouble, “She tried to do something about the weather, the food... me. But most importantly, she brought the night, day after day, even when she felt that nopony cared. you need " at the end and you want and before me, the second part might not be needed so I leave it up to you, but I'm going to slip it in so you can look at it, “She tried to do something about the weather, the food... and me. But most importantly, she brought the night, day after day, even when she felt that nopony cared."
This is fine, You were right, Father would be disappointed; as I am.” However the semi-colon might be over kill, I think all you need is a comma, You were right, Father would be disappointed, as I am.”
Element colour again, Celestia turned her head to watch the glow from the yellow crystal and smiled softly. Nightmare was speechless, how was this happening? sorry it's orange, see above, Celestia turned her head to watch the glow from the orange crystal and smiled softly. Nightmare was speechless, how was this happening?
Extra word, The meaning of the statement finally settled in in the mare’s two minds. You have in twice, remove one, The meaning of the statement finally settled in the mare’s two minds.
Ok this is a big ?, The black mare panted for a moment, then tried to gather herself once more. “How dare you, using my moon against me? Again. Wasn’t your little eclipse enough?
“Wait... Ha, but you can’t do it. There’s still one vital Element that has not answered to your call. Generosity. Something you have not... at all!” Lot's in there, First the character speaking hasn't changed so it should be one paragraph, which leaves me with this question because as one paragraph it clears alot up, the word Again is it something she said, if so think about combining it with the following sentence, Wasn't your little eclipse enough? Now one more question what do you mean by eclipse I can think of several possible meanings for it, like Celestia against the moon, the troubles she caused before Nightmare Moon Attacked. I'm afraid I don't get what your going for, it might be obvious but I'm missing it, also the ... between not and at all you may want to remove as it suggests Nightmare Moon is struggling for words but she seems to already have picked them, anyways the edits I know might help, The black mare panted for a moment, then tried to gather herself once more. “How dare you, using my moon against me? Again, wasn't your little eclipse enough? Wait... Ha, but you can’t do it. There’s still one vital Element that has not answered to your call. Generosity. Something you have not at all!”
Element colour, The deep blue Element flickered softly for a moment before growing dim once more. The picture shows it as pink but if you go back to episode two, it's easy to see it's violet (purple), The deep purple Element flickered softly for a moment before growing dim once more.
Element colour, A total feeling of dread was consuming her, which only worsened when she noticed the purple crystal had started shining. Magic has a rose colour to it, A total feeling of dread was consuming her, which only worsened when she noticed the rose crystal had started shining.
Still rose, The crystal glowed brighter and transformed into a beautiful golden tiara, with a purple star crowning it. Sorry but being picky and I checked every last element colour by both show and images from it, The crystal glowed brighter and transformed into a beautiful golden tiara, with a rose star crowning it.
Make one, “NIGHTMARE MOON,” boomed the sun Goddess’ voice; she opened her eyes, they were pure white light. “AFTER THE TERRIBLE CRIMES YOU HAVE COMMITTED, YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE BUT TO BANISH YOU FROM EQUESTRIA.
“YOU WILL BE SEND TO THE MOON, AND WILL REMAIN THERE, WHERE YOU SHALL BE NO HARM TO ANYPONY.” The speaker never changed so keep them together, also did not expect you to use shall, I slept guiltily after mentioning and removed it later because it was not important but thank you for listening, *“NIGHTMARE MOON,” boomed the sun Goddess’ voice; she opened her eyes, they were pure white light. “AFTER THE TERRIBLE CRIMES YOU HAVE COMMITTED, YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE BUT TO BANISH YOU FROM EQUESTRIA. YOU WILL BE SEND TO THE MOON, AND WILL REMAIN THERE, WHERE YOU SHALL BE NO HARM TO ANYPONY.” *
One here, Here it is, my vsion on the Fight for the Dawn, as I like to call it. I have this fixation with the princesses, they are very interesting characters. I think you want version instead of vision, I think I said that before too...., Here it is, my version on the Fight for the Dawn, as I like to call it. I have this fixation with the princesses, they are very interesting characters.
One wore doubled letter, English is not my first language, and writting is not my thing to be honest; one t in writting, English is not my first language, and writing is not my thing to be honest;
It took 4 hours give or take sometime for this chapter, I'll have to get 3 tomorrow, when I don't know yet, worse comes to worse I'll need to delay till Thursday or Friday. You wrote a great fight scene, I find even in some of the better books I've read fight scenes don't work well, they get confusing easily or to chaotic to follow, however your's is easy and well written but still I put down the few parts where I found it to be stumble a little. Good Luck getting through my mess of thoughts. Also decided to check the first chapter again because I forgot to check the spelling of Equstria words (oops), I'm guessing your still going through it but you two are fast, alot of what I mentioned has taken effect, but I'll look again later as there are still a few things from before but no misspelled Equstria words, thank goodness, I'd hate myself if I missed anything. However there was a new one,
You and me are both really bad at hitting the wrong key and keep on going, Thank tou for reading. swap t for a y and it's done, Thank you for reading.
Also thank you for the mention, I'll do this when ever you like.
Now I stumbled across this while proof reading, almost skipped it altogether, I love this community, [youtube:Y4_0qtAulNw] Love you guys, between the show and you guys I've got something to keep me focused and out of the past and turmoil of my own thoughts and ideas. It's so helpful to me, I hope I end up giving something back to you guys for the help.
Edit: Strange, normally, I have to keep jumping back here to keep up with everypony before this hour, however tonight had little activity, well I'll catch everypony later today, good night.
@Aqueous Thanks again for all your feedback , you are the best prereader ever. Again you finding typos, priceless, and some of your rephrasings are great. Talking with my editor she told me all my two paragraphs dialogs are perfectly fine. When there are no " at the end of the paragraph it means the same speaker goes on, and I like the feeling it brings, thanks for your opinion though . So, you have no idea what eclipse is NM talking about? And it makes you wonder? Good, that's what I was going for, but I discovered the "Again?" needed that "?" so thanks for pointing it out.
There's a little confusion with the elements, an image may help:
Old elements: crystals. New elements: necklaces and big crown thingie. The old Elements that Celestia used had different colors.
EDIT: I did DERP, Generosity is Pink not Blue , fixed.
Thanks again. You don't have to go through chapter 3 just yet, we are still working on it, I'll tell you when to go for it if it's ok with you. Btw I saw your Swap notes btw, thanks for the warnings, and don't worry love to do this here, bronies find out about my story.
@Destroyer64 Oh! I thought it was clear he was Prince Blue Blood's ancestor, since we are 1000 years in the past, and I called him Duke instead of Prince. So, I need to make him a little more different. I was thinking of giving him a mustache, like Fancy Pants', I guess I'll do it. Thanks for the heads up.
@Twilight_Crow - How much more of this show did I miss, I mean I know the picture book had colours but I never thought anything of it. Ok, I'll keep going here and that might be a good thing as the other bronies can catch me. Actually waiting works perfectly for me as I have a lot to do over the next couple of days and I don't feel like pulling another late night, early morning but I had to get going on it as you asked everypony a while ago and I had not went back to look.Both times I thought they would always take a fraction of the time, next thing I know it's mid-night. Still it's fun looking for you, just say when your ready. Glad you found "Again" "Again" and gave it a "?". I hope I got all the spelling, it's a mix of me and Microsoft Word, I just look for I've just looked for where I would mess up of writing and Word shows me everything I'm not sure about or would miss anyway, Google backs me up afterwards though, because I'm not sure sometimes when Word complains at a word. As for the eclipse you got me, I can easy make a few symbolic means for it, I think I put in a couple but I'm still not sure what it actually means, ugh, that sounds like AP English (High School English that is equal to a university level course English class) material, trying to figure out what the symbolism was. As for the paragraphs I said should be put together, it's something I never heard of nor seen before in any writing, I trust it must be really though and I won't bother searching for more information on it. Between the two of you I'm learning writing and words I never heard or seen before, keep it up. If you'd like I have a list of strange words I can send you, including definitions and I may have some sample sentences using them correctly.
I had to put this separately because it is a huge relief to know that the rephrasing is welcomed. Each one has made me worry and pick every word I use concerning them with extra care, both what I think might help the writing and what I say for my reasoning as I'm extremely nervous with them. It's hard because I'm trying to suggest a different way to write what you are saying and I'm not always sure it's needed, or if it would actually make things worse. Plus I'm always nervous of my writing style effecting yours by mentioning them, as in if I mention it I want to match your writing and not my own. Then there are sometimes I'm not sure if I understand what I'm thinking is what is happening.
Love your work Twilight_Crow. Tell your editor thank you for the new writing trick, I don't write stories myself but thank her all the same, I never know when I may see it again and it's won't trick me twice now.
@Destroyer64 Oh! I thought it was clear he was Prince Blue Blood's ancestor, since we are 1000 years in the past, and I called him Duke instead of Prince. So, I need to make him a little more different. I was thinking of giving him a mustache, like Fancy Pants', I guess I'll do it. Thanks for the heads up.
Thanks for clearing that up! Yeah, I was figuring since it was 1000 years in the past, he was probably be an ancestor, but the way his appearance was described the same as of Blue Blood in the show (and I guess I didn't catch him being called Duke as a sign ), I started thinking that maybe he was immortal, after all he is the nephew of a Goddess.
But yeah, spell no. 25 should do the trick.
I'm pretty okay.
Formerly Destroyer360, Destroyer64, DestroyerInsertYourFavoriteRandomNumbersHere.
"Purple is a color." - Waluigi
Wait, quotes should be meaningful? Ugh, fine.
"I'm useless, but not for long. The future is coming on." - Gorillaz
I am so ecstatic! Blind Bags have finally made it to the United States! They're only 2 dollars!!! AT WAL-MART!!!!
For those of you who don't know what Blind Bags are, they are basically the pony equivalent of Yu-Gi-Oh! or Pokemon Cards. They were only available in Europe for the longest time, but now you can buy them in the US! WOOOOOO!!!
So, yeah, I'm totally going to expand my pony collection tomorrow...
I am so ecstatic! Blind Bags have finally made it to the United States! They're only 2 dollars!!! AT WAL-MART!!!!
For those of you who don't know what Blind Bags are, they are basically the pony equivalent of Yu-Gi-Oh! or Pokemon Cards. They were only available in Europe for the longest time, but now you can buy them in the US! WOOOOOO!!!
So, yeah, I'm totally going to expand my pony collection tomorrow...
I am so ecstatic! Blind Bags have finally made it to the United States! They're only 2 dollars!!! AT WAL-MART!!!!
For those of you who don't know what Blind Bags are, they are basically the pony equivalent of Yu-Gi-Oh! or Pokemon Cards. They were only available in Europe for the longest time, but now you can buy them in the US! WOOOOOO!!!
So, yeah, I'm totally going to expand my pony collection tomorrow...
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