Look up. Do you see that? Way, way up in the sky? That's the new bar for coolness, set by speedrunner CZR, who just completed a sub-1:30 70-Star Drum% run of Super Mario 64 using only a drum kit.
Let's explain a little for people who don't speak speedrunner. Speedrunners are gamers (and usually streamers) who complete games in record time using new and inventive methods, like playing Breath of the Wild without taking damage, or the great "half-A button press" run of Super Mario 64 a few years ago, in which a speedrunner completed the game with only a single half-press of the A button. Please don't make us explain it again, it hurts our brains.
CZR is a Drum% speedrunner, which means he attempts to complete games using a drum kit wired up to simulate button presses and control stick movements. He completed a 16-star run in under 30 minutes last year, but now he's back with a 70-star run. The current world record for 70-star speedruns of SM64 is 46 minutes and 59 seconds by Dwhatever, so CZR aimed for roughly twice that, hoping to beat a time of one hour, 34 minutes.
He ended up completing the run in one hour, 28 minutes, and nine seconds. Hell YEAH, CZR.
Granted, the drum playing doesn't sound... fantastic. It's a lot of cymbal, and paradiddling the control stick drums (yeah, that's a real term), but every time he grabs a star (or is stuck on a loading screen for a bit) we get a cool little riff.
What's most impressive about this speedrun is that CZR manages to pull off some very tricky speedrunning techniques with drums. It's hard enough to execute frame-perfect exploits with a controller, but CZR does it by hitting bits of skin with sticks. Speedrunners are basically video game Olympic athletes, and it's a crime that they don't get the same recognition. We appreciate you, CZR.