In the magazine business, the Back Page is where you'd find all the weird goofs that we couldn't fit in anywhere else. Some may call it "filler"; we prefer "a whole page to make terrible jokes that are tangentially related to the content of the mag". We don't have pages on the internet, but we still love terrible jokes — so welcome to our semi-regular feature, Back Page.
Today, Kate looks at all the ScarVi 'mons revealed so far and tier lists the lot based on nothing but first impressions...
Pokémon Scarlet and Violet is almost here, as evidenced by the fact that the Pokémon trailers have been dropping faster than Space Invaders near the bottom of the screen. We now know so much about the upcoming Pokémon games that I'm starting to wonder if there's any point in playing. I feel like I've lived through the entire plot already.
So, while we continue to wait, I've decided to make myself feel a little better about Game Freak jamming new Pokémon into my eyes on a daily basis by ranking them all. And I'm NOT GOING TO BE NICE.
A Definitive, 100% Objective Ranking Of All The New Pokémon In Scarlet And Violet
F Rank: The Pokémon That I Would Happily Boot Into A Bonfire
Grafaiai
There's only one Pokémon in this category, and it's the graffiti lemur. There are a lot of primate-type Pokémon I dislike — the entire Panpour, Pansage, and Pansear lines look like off-brand Pokémon designs from a dodgy keyring shop at the back of a mall, if you ask me — but overall, primate Pokémon are pretty cool, if a bit dull on occasion.
Grafaiai is certainly not dull, but I do not like him for the following reasons:
- Poison Pokémon are the worst
- Gooey fingers? Go wash your hands, mate
- He paints with his saliva
- This official description makes me want to gag: "it licks its hands and fingers to cover them in poison"
- He eats bug-type Pokémon, and those are the cute guys
- His graffiti isn't even INTERESTING, it's just CIRCLES
Case closed.
E Rank: No Thank You
Cetitan
I love the scientific discovery that whales used to have legs. Imagining an orca waddling around brings me great joy. So, why don't I like this land whale? Partly because the design is just a bit boring. I mean, he's a circle. With legs. He looks like if Kyogre wore one of those gigantic onesie snowsuits for babies. I like the touches of pink and the killer winged eyeliner, but it doesn't add much — I would have expected that to signal some kind of Ice/Fairy dual typing, but nah. It's just pink.
Add to that his HORRIBLE teeth, and ugh. I do not want this guy around. Whales with legs were a mistake.
Armarouge
This is just a guy. I do not like the idea of having A Normal Guy in my pocket, thanks.
Quaxly
Honestly, I don't hate Quaxly all that much, but he is my least-favourite starter of the three. I love ducks and duck Pokémon, and I even like his colouring (that's a really nice blue!) but he seems smug. I don't want my companion Pokémon to be smug.
Also, the fact that he secretes hair gel would be bad enough, but here's how the official website describes it: "The coif on its head is slicked back using a rich, moist cream." No! Do not put the words "moist" and "cream" together! You'll put me off every single meal this week!
D Rank: They're Okay I Guess
Ceruledge
Like his companion, Armarouge, Ceruledge is also just a person, but he looks more like a cool Dark Souls boss, so I am slightly more amenable towards him. Still don't want him on my team, though.
Smoliv
Okay, yes, when Smoliv was revealed, I was in love. He's smol AND olive!! Buuuuuut he's also Grass AND Normal, two of the most boringest types. It's like taking a literal olive to a knife fight.
Look, admittedly, I'm not one to care about the competitive meta or whatever — I tend to choose the cute Pokémon and just give them the beefiest moves — but Smoliv isn't going to be winning any fights, is he? Poor thing.
Sprigatito
I'm a dog person. Come at me.
C Rank: I Could Be Convinced
Cyclizar
Listen, I really like this guy! He's sleek, he looks friendly, and he's kinda cute, even! But of the three motorbike lizards, he stands out as being pretty uninteresting. He's the VW Golf to Koraidon's Mustang and Miraidon's Bugatti. Sorry, Cyclizar. You're just too darn practical.
Paldean Wooper
Hear me out. On cuteness, Paldean Wooper is a 9/10, obviously. But that's largely down to Regular Wooper being an adorable little scamp. Paldean Wooper is riding on Regular Wooper's coattails, and I think we need to acknowledge that.
Also, as I said earlier, I do not like Poison types.
Klawf
Look at this guy. He's just an idiot crab. Incredible. They didn't even iterate on "crab" that much! He's just Kingler with fluffy knees!
I probably will end up with this guy in my party regardless, if we're allowed to catch the Titan Pokémon.
Farigiraf
Honestly, it feels a little creatively bankrupt to just reverse an existing Pokémon design, but Farigiraf is really cute. Then again, much like Paldean Wooper, it's just Girafarig with a hoodie and socks on. And winged eyeliner. Someone on the Game Freak Pokémon design team really likes winged eyeliner.
B Rank: Cute, But Not Cutest
Pawmi
Pawmi is adorable and chunky, which would usually be an immediate favourite for me... but I worry that he's going to be the Rattata of Gen 9, and I'll be bored of seeing him everywhere about an hour or two into the game. Plus, Game Freak keeps trying to re-bottle lightning with their Pikachu-likes, and while I have no real problem with that (I do love the fluffy electricity mice), I don't feel like Pawmi stands on his own merits.
Koraidon
Don't get me wrong! Koraidon is very cool. He's a dinosaur who looks like a bike, and that's rad. But once again, he is not quite as cool as Miraidon. And it bothers me that he uses his legs to run and swim when he has wheels right there! If I wanted a regular leg-animal to ride everywhere on, I would find a horse.
Lechonk
Pig Pokémon are some of the best Pokémon out there. Admittedly, that could be because I think pigs are cute, but Spoink and Swinub are just really great designs — I mean, one's a spring! And the other one is a sort of sleepy, furry smear?
Lechonk is also great. He's got those little feet, the little tail, a big piggy nose... so why is he only B-Rank? Because I just know he's going to evolve into something upsetting. I like him as a little guy, but his evolutionary line is going to end up with him looking like an actual hog roast. I'm calling it now.
A Rank: My Future Best Pals
Bellibolt
I promise Bellibolt isn't ranked so highly just because he's the newest addition — I think he's lovely. His shape — which I would describe as slime-like — is so huggable. I quite his teal, orange, and dark grey colour scheme. But best of all, I love his secret eyes. He's not the first Pokémon to have secret eyes — that might be Mimikyu, although I think there are others I'm forgetting — but I just love his stupid little emoji-face.
He's also described as "easygoing" and "hungry", which I can relate to.
Fuecoco
I love when the starters look like stupid idiot babies, and Fuecoco has that in spades. He's just a little dinosaur pepper. He gets excited about apples and accidentally sets himself on fire. Much like Bellibolt, he is described as "laid-back" and "loves to eat", so I think we'd get on well.
Miraidon
The futuristic lizard-bike wins out of the three purely by virtue of actually looking more like a bike than Cyclizar and Koraidon. Also, the purple-blue-grey-yellow colour scheme is unusual for Pokémon, and makes Miraidon seem futuristic and cool — which is helped by his LED pixel-eyes. I want to know more! Is he a computer Pokémon, like Porygon??
S Rank: Perfect, No Notes
Wiglett
Oh, to be a Joltik on the wall when one of the designers said, "what if Diglett, but long?" 10/10, absolutely genius design.
Fidough
I mean, come on. Part puppy. Part bread. He's perfect.
Further Reading:
- All The New And Returning Pokémon In Pokémon Scarlet & Violet
- Everything You Missed In The New Pokémon Scarlet & Violet Trailer (June)
- Everything You Missed In The New Pokémon Scarlet & Violet Trailer (August)
- Everything You Missed In The New Pokémon Scarlet And Violet Trailer (September)
- Everything New In The Latest Pokémon Scarlet & Violet Trailer (October)
- Pokémon Scarlet & Violet: Everything We Know So Far
- Where To Pre-Order Pokémon Scarlet And Violet On Switch
Do you dare disagree with my rankings? Go on, then. Tell me what your S-Rank and F-Rank Pokémon are in the comments below. Let's tango.
Comments 55
My Choice:
Ceruledge - Rank S
Miraidon - Rank S
Here I was thinking I'd be the only Grafaiai fan.
I am among my people.
Honestly, Sprigatito could be lower, I'm just gonna say it. "Oh boy a green cat, that really stands out to me as a mystical creature like Pokemon are supposed to be"
Honestly, I'd boot everyone of these into the trash. Can we get some better designs from pkmn? We have enough crabs and lizards FFS!!!
Farigiraf is the only one I've taken to so far other than kitty pokemon number 3674.
Yep. We don't need any more cats, yet I am always ready for another one to perch on my proverbial lap of favourite 'mons.
Aww no hate on my boy grafaiai noo
I thought someone on this site had finally made a ranking list I could mostly agree with, and then I saw Wiglett at the top. While I'm pretty sure Diglett is supposed to be a whack-a-mole, Wiglett is 100% a worm, which means he's not just long and wiggly, but also SLIMY. As someone who has not so fond memories of hooking the things on childhood fishing outings, I'll gladly never touch a worm again.
Quaxly is S tier. What is wrong with society?
@Unit_DTH Listen, eventually there's going to be a pokemon for everything that has ever lived, and a surprising percentage of the things that have ever lived are crabs and lizards. Better to space them out between generations than to eventually have nothing else to base new Pokemon on.
This list is so wrong. They’re all S rank except for wiglett and bellibolt.
Wiglett is god tier and bellibolt is F rank.
no pokemon is amazing thus far, but none are as dumb as the pink fat things from gen 1 or some as dumb as the weirdos from gen 5 (the icecream line, the things that holds lighting posts, the stone that looks like the exit of the digestive system).
@Anachronism like, I don't know... bags of trash. They just seem to be lacking in the creativity department and this gen really shows that to me. I in no way am going to try and deter anyone from enjoying the games. They just feel very uninspired at this point. I was hopeful seeing the starter, sans green cat, but after each reveal of a new one for these upcoming games I'm just coming to the realization that perhaps after 26 years of playing pokemon, I have come to the end of my enjoyment of the franchise. Sad realization right there.
@Unit_DTH Honestly, I'd say after gen 4, it's been at best a 50/50 split for good/bad pokemon designs, but I'd probably still play them even if I hadn't seen a single new pokemon I liked. For me, Pokemon is less something to get excited about, and more something I can just settle into and enjoy at my own pace, kind of like the gaming equivalent of comfort food.
Time to watch the fans duke it out (hopefully in a friendly manner) in the comments! XD
I'd revise half the list, but Kate is entitled to her biased opinions.
@Unit_DTH I’m assuming you’ve never seen the videos on YouTube that go into the origins of these designs… there’s a lot of thought that goes into these, it’s actually ridiculous.
Like why bellibolt is an electric avacado frog
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjQH9ZJvSNE&t=315s
There are many fans with these Pokemon on different sides of the rank spectrum. Same situation like anytime before in every generation.
Anyways, I love Quaxly
"He's just an idiot crab." ahahha
@Alpha008 I have seen those videos, but they don't change my mind about the laziness of the final design look. They just seem like the designers have a bunch of 5 year olds locked in a basement taking orders and working their little crayons to the nub. "Ok, its a frog crossed with an avocado. Go! First 3 designs we can paste together into a final pokemon get a glass of milk and a nap!" I'm sure that doesn't sit well with you, or many other pokemon fans, but it's how it has seemed for me for a while with the franchise and a lot of the designs.
@Anachronism It was for me for a while, but I honestly can't overlook the poor designs of the recent entries any longer and I will just not be playing it, but I encourage everyone that still enjoys it to do so! Have a blast!
We do not appreciate Grafaiai slander in this household.
I'd say I like almost all the new mons revealed so far apart from arguably Pawmi (I still like them, they just feel a bit bland compared to the rest), all of them have a quality about them that I can just really get behind. Fidough's utterly brilliant name and concept, Wiglett's L O N G-ness in addition to bringing convergent evolution into Pokemon for the first time and Smoliv's permanent expression of anxiety (which I relate to on a spiritual level as of late) are all just a few examples of the exceptional work done on almost all the Pokemon we've seen. For my money though?
Cam awwwwwwwwwwn. How could you beat the best boy to ever exist?
@Unit_DTH - Did I hear sentient pocketwatch with eyes?!
Don't get me wrong. Most of the designs seem decent. But Sprigatito's definitely top cat still in my books.
paldean wooper is the bestest pokemon since like original wooper
s++ tier ez
@Paraka LMAO... thank you!
Wiglett. No contest.
Kabuto has some fake eyes. Also Masquerain I guess? And Dusknoir. And Sigilyph! Does Yamask count? Tapu Koko. Okay, Koffing does not count with the eyes of its skull marking, right? Ooooh Lileep and Cradily used to fool me so bad. Spinarak and Ariados. Ariados even has some Pokédex entries I think that say it's very hard to tell which end is which, which was always a bit silly to me. Also Falinks when it's defending I guess. Arbok! That definitely counts. And Goomy of course. This concludes my list of Pokémon with fake eyes I could come up with on the spot.
And come on, poison type Pokémon are really cool. It's one of my favorite types. But bug Pokémon ARE cute, so okay, you get a point.
None of these are still enough to hook me tbh (starter evo reveal where are you). I wait for the usual leak season on 4chan and spoiling myself rotten xP
I'm not a fan of poison pokemon either, but Grafaiai is pretty adorable.
I don't now why but Fuecoco remind me of Kirby Awoofys and therefore are evil.
I want to like Koraidon best but the useless wheels are just a little too triggering. Hard to argue against Fidough on pure adorableness.
"But he seems smug. I don't want my companion Pokémon to be smug." Lol how old are you Kate? You sound like my 8 year old nephew explaining which Pokemon he likes and why.
As far as the new Pokémon go, my favorites are...
Cetitan
Ceruledge
Farigiraf
Lechonk
Fuecoco (my fave of the starters)
@duffmmann I mean, I'm 33 and I base my Pokémon decisions based on who would look the coolest holding a sword.
Quaxly haters out for blood today I see. That's fine. History will prove us Quax stans right.
Cetitan is not as bad as people say... I am almost sure I will use it on my team honestly
@Unit_DTH Same here. People can say a lot of Sword/Shield, but me and my son thoroughly enjoyed these games and the new pokemon were overall pretty decent in design.
Even though I am looking forward to the new games, I am deeply dissapointed in the new Pokemon designs. Almost all of them are absolutely bonkers and downright horrible.
If you remote raid and send gifts, add my accounts on pokemon go:
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Theyt're all S rank 10/10 design though so how can they be ranked when they're all perfect
"Poison pokemon are the worst" this list was an absolute write off the second I read those words as everybody knows that Poison types are the best and adorable and perfect. Thank you.
I think 90% of these are terrible!
Am I the only one who doesn't like any of the designs, apart from maybe Lechonk.
The legendaries are by far the worst we've had in a game yet
Curse you you you nlife journalist. For continuing to ruin the game for me!!. Any Pokemon spoiled by nlife in a thumbnail pre game release, is a terrible Pokemon to me. I would've known zero outside the starters and legends if nlife would have just show alittle respect for other readers.
@Travisemo007 yeah, no respect for spoilers on this site. We should have the option to not click on the article to not see that content.
Also, the most prominent “secret eyes” on a Pokémon is probably Masquerain, who’s literally classified as “eyeball Pokémon” because of its wing designs
I have very different rankings too yours, but what I really want to talk about is secret eyes.
Wobuffett is my first stand out. Whole body of it is a balloon, brain and eyes are in the tail.
All four of the fossil Pokemon from gen 3.
Masquerain.
Goomy.
Gourgeist.
Guzzlord.
@FroZtedFlake Turtles, crocodiles, chickens, salamanders, etc. are mythical creatures???
Yeah, when they have tails made of fire and walk on two legs. I was kidding though xD
I also just don't like cats
@SlowPokemon @Travisemo007 Hi I definitely understand the desire to stay as spoiler-free as possible, but when The Pokémon Company itself has plastered images all over social media and Youtube with the announcement, the toothpaste is out of the tube, no? Obscuring lead images or omitting key details from headlines for fear of spoilers would lead to outcries of another kind, I'm sure.
We are always thinking about how best to approach new reveals in headlines and images (you'll note we're sticking only to officially revealed information with our coverage, too). We are considering backend options that might give users more options over this sort of thing in the future.
With less than a month to launch, I don't imagine we'll see too many more dex details, but TPC has been fairly upfront with announcing reveal events ahead of time, so I can only recommend exercising caution over the next few weeks!
@dartmonkey I'd say no to the toothpaste statement , outside of Nintendo life, none of it has been spoiled for me anywere else. Shouldn't be too difficult to omit new pokes from thumbnails pre release. Or shiloette/black them out. Ppl will still read the article if the title says new pokes etc. It's fairly easy to the point that its kind of ingorant a tad you guys dont. You did a few times in the past years. I don't see why you can't. Pls consider other readers like myself in the future. Thank you.
@dartmonkey I don’t have any social media, is the thing, so that argument doesn’t totally work in my book. I get that I’m a minority there, but the point is I expected to be able to choose what spoilers I see on this website since generally you guys do post warnings about spoilers. I feel like I’ve been seeing a lot more of them in the thumbnails when it comes to new Pokémon. I’m not really mad or upset, just bummed out and was expressing my feelings. I do hope you guys consider the feedback about this specific issue.
Grafaiai is actually one of the most creative Pokémon from this game. An aye aye that marks his territory like a street thug and also looks like one. That is really cool. I will take such an original concept over the 1'000 cutie kitty or puppy Pokémon we already have.
my top 3 are armarouge ceruledge and miaidon
@rarefan it pretty gross that it uses spit but yah its a cool design
@ultimateotaku91 the designs are really good dont know what your talking about and the legendarys are pretty great
same with you @mince
i agree @spottedleaf ceitan is a pretty good looking pokemon i will also be using it
i honestly dislike all gen 9 pokemon
I like this list a lot, not because of rankings but the clear variety of preference compared to my own is stark but also really nice. It shows that someone loves even the perceived worst Pokemon.
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